It's that time of year again!  If you're entertained by my personal life, and you SHOULD be, you can go read the entries from 2009, 2011, and 2012.

It was an alright year I guess )

This is gonna have to be my new tradition. I also did 2009 and 2011.

Seems to me now that the dreams we had before are all dead, nothing more than confetti on the floor )

Ew I ended it on a sour note. Well this has been kind of a sour year. I mean for other people I guess it would be a fine year (minus nearly dying and finding out your friends don't care about you) but to fill out this quiz I was deleting my answers from LAST year when I had become the world's best groupie and recently been deflowered by my then-celebrity crush and followed that up with three first dates in one weekend, so like... deleting that and throwing in how stupid this year as been made me crankier and crankier.

Let's hope next year I'll be able to delete these answers and fill in something a lot perkier.
Weird day yesterday. I slept a LOT, like at least ten hours, maybe more. Then I ate leftover pasta and brownies that Vincent and I had made the night before while still lying in bed watching shows online. Because I'm not sure what else to do with my life right now. There was cream cheese in the fridge so I ate a bunch of that too. (By the way, my ability to stuff my face is still down from the two or three weeks I spent eating scraps of leftovers, so when I say "a bunch" consider that it wasn't really a lot, but felt like a lot to me.)

Anyway then I went back to lying down watching shows and without realizing it fell asleep. The window was open and it was really cold out, but I was enjoying that after the hot summer we'd suffered here in France. I woke up just before Vincent and I were scheduled to go back over to my most recent wonderful host family and have dinner. I felt kinda weird having just woken up, but I was excited for the dinner and all that stuff so yay. I felt kinda lightheaded/groggy, but I figured it was because of all the unnecessary sleep I'd gotten.

Well we were about two streets away when suddenly I got really dizzy. I told Vincent to wait and went to lean on a nearby storefront for support. I felt the dizziness totally take over and the next thing I knew, I realized I was dreaming or something and felt pavement against my hip and hand and heard a lady's voice asking from a long way away if I needed a doctor. I mumbled I was fine and then I was on my feet again somehow, wondering what the hell was going on, and staggered a few feet away to sit on the curb while my hearing slowly came back. I remember mumbling "Whoa I think I might have fainted!" to Vincent, who said "Yeah, you were unconscious for about two minutes."

I felt really nauseated and my stomach was burning so I wondered if I was going to be sick, but I still tried to get to the dinner date. We crossed the street, Vincent hovering awkwardly nearby, and I realized I needed to sit again and I wasn't going to make it. We went back to the apartment, only about two blocks away, but I needed to stop and rest at least six times and really doubted my ability to make it. I just wanted to lie down.

The worst is that I'd noticed that taking deep breaths kind of made my lungs burn a little bit for about a day, but ever since I fainted I've had something that's not quite heartburn, more like a dull throbbing pain in my chest. I was secretly terrified it was a heart attack for a while, but it's nowhere near that severe. I talked about it on facebook and a friend who's a nurse told me it sounded like my blood pressure was really low and my heart was having trouble getting enough oxygen. I've been taking deep breaths and the pain has decreased but even now, the next morning, it's there. It wasn't there when I first woke up, but by staying awake I've made it come back.

So yeah, color me freaked out. I've never fainted before in my life so I honestly thought it was cool and was rather disappointed that I only had Vincent to tell me what had happened, because he thinks of himself as a writer but he sure as hell isn't a storyteller and I had to ask him fifty times for various details before I got a vague idea of what he saw. Apparently I was about to lean on the building when suddenly I just dropped--the other way, so it wasn't even a graceful slide down the side of the store window or whatever--and Vincent's reaction was to try to drag me back to my feet. He said I said something about being fine (crazy because I was absolutely unconscious then with no memory of this but I wouldn't be surprised since "I'M FINE" is my immediate reaction to everything that goes wrong) but as soon as he got me up I collapsed again, so he said he was holding me on my knees for a while and that was when a passerby asked if she needed to call a doctor. At that point I was coming to and quickly responded in English about how fine I was.

Super weird! I'm planning to be on my feet a little more today, but unsure if I want to risk leaving the building in case something happens again. I'm thinking I'll start doing a TLC-level cleaning job on Vincent's place, one pile of mysterious items at a time, which will at least keep me walking around this little room. I might try taking some of his empty wine bottles down to the recycle bin in the courtyard if I feel up to it.
lesmisloony: (XD Shoujo Cosette)
boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend

relationships are fun

This weekend I met his entire family. They let me join them for Easter dinner and we hid eggs and it wasn't awkward at all and as we were leaving I thanked his (American) mom for letting me be there and she said, "Of course! It's a family holiday!" It was exactly the way I felt at German Lara's house: maybe I'm not as awkward and shy and weird as living with this host family makes me think I am.

Since I haven't posted in a while, I'll say that I didn't make the cut into my second-choice masters program, ÉSIT. I took an entrance exam. I was one of at least four hundred people (over half of which were native French speakers) and on the final list of a hundred applicants accepted to take the second exam, every name was distinctly French or distinctly Asian-looking. I think they wanted rarer languages than French and English. I read online that they were like that, though.

My first-choice program wants a level C2 in French. I'm taking a test in a couple of weeks that'll give me a level, and I'm very likely to have a C1 instead. I'm studying, reading Balzac and daily newspapers, but I'm still very worried. If I don't get this C2, I'll have to wait till September to reapply, meaning renewing my visa without knowing for sure whether I'll be a student or an au pair next year.

So yeah, I'm coming to terms with the idea of au pairing again. Just one more year until my French is good enough to get into a translation program. At least it would be for a different family, I guess... MEGA SIGH. And at least I have my boyfran to remind me that I have a life outside of this job...

In other news, I got accepted into TAPIF (they wanted me to teach elementary kids at a school in Versailles) but since I can't afford to return to the US to change my student visa to a work visa, I had to turn them down.
I got my OFII appointment!

After March 15th I will no longer be illegally in France! I will be able to get my health insurance! Maybe I'll even go see a doctor about how I've been coughing since the beginning of January!

You know what's kind of weird? I think I've finally turned back into a normal citizen of the earth. During my groupie days I felt like it was my responsibility to blog about and share everything that happened in my life. I needed you guys' feedback in order to know how to continue because as a groupie I wasn't really doing stuff for my own life, but kind of living just to serve as an avatar for internet people. I was even totally okay with detailing losing my virginity to a famous man because it just seemed normal to share everything with everyone.

But lately I've been able to make decisions concerning my life without waiting for the internet's approval. I would be really uncomfortable sharing some of the details of my private life now because I don't feel like it's someone else's business.

And on a higher level, Vincent over here has given me the urge to start reading again, to remember some of my abandoned fandoms and the things I used to do with my free time before I totally lost myself to MOR. Obviously MOR is still my favorite thing ever, but it's not my whole world anymore. I've been able to develop aspirations and hobbies of my own. As I told my mom, he's making me remember who I was before I became The Accidental Groupie. It's nice. I'm normal again.

Of course, this also means that I'm doing a shit job of being a groupie. I still haven't gotten that floto with Nuno, for instance... but one of these days I'll drag my sorry ass over to the PDS and hunt that man down. Probably. I do still want to see the dernière of Adam et Eve, so there's that! And in May I'm going to Lille to see a concert where Flo will be! Once a groupie, always a groupie. But I'm not JUST a lost little groupie anymore. I'm also a real live human being.
Just wanted to stop by real quick and say that Thursday and Friday went wonderfully for the most part! I played with the kids so hard that both my knees are super bruised, no one fought with me, I passed moments chatting with the grandparents, an uncle who lives in Germany showed up and was incredibly nice, etc etc etc

On Friday the four-year-old crawled into my lap every change he get and ended up telling me I'm his girlfriend and he loves me and wanted me to sit next to him at the surprise birthday party for his dad. Then the eight-year-old was dancing around saying "I love Ehreen I love Ehreen I love Ehreen". The grandparents must have drugged them or something because I've NEVER seen them be that adorable with me. I felt like a super badass.

Of course, things went a little awry around 1:30 am. The surprise party was alright. There were 30 people, about half of whom I recognized and about two of whom I felt comfortable talking to if the approached me first. I chatted with anyone who started a conversation with me, and when I tried to talk to the last-year-au-pair, she told me I was tipsy because I was talking so much. Alright, sorry for trying to be nice.

Then everyone started dancing, so I went and sat in a corner and watching and laughed and clapped. People kept telling me to dance but, like... dancing in front of strangers is not a fun pasttime for me. I feel clumsy and stressed. I spent most of the night texting Vincent, who was at a party for a coworker. The people trying to drag me out onto the floor (including my host mom, the grandmother, the last-year-au-pair, and even the damn DJ!) wouldn't stop, so I went into the kitchen and washed dishes for a while.

Eventually I ended up collapsed on a chair making a sleepy face and wishing everyone would go home, but when I heard the kids' favorite song come on and saw them all rush over to the DJ I got to my feet. The DJ handed them a microphone and I was all happy and supportive of them while they sang in front of the crowd. Then I saw my host mom whispering something to the DJ.

As soon as the kids' song ended... L'Assasymphonie came on. On one hand it was kinda almost touching that she thought of me, but on the other hand I DON'T WANT TO PERFORM FOR THESE STRANGERS. Especially a song THAT emotional geez. And the host mom shoves the microphone into my hand and is like "for six months you've been torturing us with this song, so now sing it!" but I just held the microphone and laughed uncomfortably and tried to get the kids to sing with me but they all refused. I didn't know what to do, but I honestly couldn't have made myself sing in front of those people. I have never realized how LONG L'Assasymphonie is.

When it ended, the eight-year-old, bless her precious heart, asked the DJ to play Ça ira mon amour, which is a song all three kids (including the little one) know perfectly. Unfortunately, it was 1h30 then and the boys were too tired to participate, so the girl held the mic and I sort of sang next to her (which resulted in my host mom yelling that I needed to put the microphone closer to my mouth cause she couldn't hear me). It was so embarrassing. Afterwards I went over to the little one and asked why he hadn't sung, and he kicked me and told me to go away. Sleepy. Meanwhile someone asked me host mom to sing and she said she didn't want to. No one had a problem with this.

Then a man I hadn't exchanged any words with and had never seen before in my life came up to say good night, since he was leaving. I bisou'd him obendiently and then he yelled into my ear in French over the music, "Americans are supposed to be fun and dance and sing. You're not doing a good job representing your country." I was taken aback, but I sort of went, "Ok?" and smiled the way I always smile at assholes. Then he added in English "Next time, I hope to see you do better." and he said good night and left.


That was just too much humiliation. I went to my room and cried while the dumbass party raged on. When I texted Vincent about it he left the bar where *his* party was happening so he could call me and understand why I was upset and try to cheer me up. Even though he was quite drunk. At 2am. It was the nicest thing a guy has ever done for me.

Anyway, I'm off to his place for Dr Who and home-made sushi. Have a good weekend, Internet!

January 2017

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