This is gonna have to be my new tradition. I also did 2009 and 2011.

Seems to me now that the dreams we had before are all dead, nothing more than confetti on the floor )

Ew I ended it on a sour note. Well this has been kind of a sour year. I mean for other people I guess it would be a fine year (minus nearly dying and finding out your friends don't care about you) but to fill out this quiz I was deleting my answers from LAST year when I had become the world's best groupie and recently been deflowered by my then-celebrity crush and followed that up with three first dates in one weekend, so like... deleting that and throwing in how stupid this year as been made me crankier and crankier.

Let's hope next year I'll be able to delete these answers and fill in something a lot perkier.
I keep almost posting to lj but not having that much to say. I have an outline for my third book finally. I'm still working 39 hours a week but it seems that will drop off next week because after Christmas it won't be as busy... I'm in talks with ANOTHER person to be my roommate but for chrissake i cant fucking trust ANYONE and i'm slowly learning to hate all of humanity and never have any friends again

oops that was bitterer than i usually am, just dont fucking get me started on failed roommates

ummm I'm weirdly addicted to Finding Bigfoot, like it's the only show I sit down at the tv to watch every week (Sunday nights at 10) because other shows I catch up with later online... I miss Conan and Jon Stewart REALLY BADLY because i tend to work past midnight, but hopefully once the store starts closing at 10 again they'll come back into my life...

guns shouldnt be legal for private citizens to own

i dyed my hair again

this icon is the first gif i ever made in my whole life and i cherish it

hope the world doesnt end before christmas

OH ALSO I finally opened a damn etsy shop! It's here and everyone should buy these dolls because they take three or more days to make and I'm selling them for stupidly low prices but I'm just worried people won't be willing to pay for them. Ugh. How come people will buy a $200 Tony Stark action figure but when I knit a doll of him WITH GLOW IN THE DARK ARC REACTORS and offer it for $26 no one gives a shit? I'm not internet-famous enough I guess.
Well, I missed the night train, paid €55 for one that left the next morning, sneaked back to my host family and crashed (they were asleep when I returned and when I left, so I don't know if they even knew I was there), came within ten minutes of missing the new train, dozed and was annoyed by people near me until I got to Frankfürt, then... everything was confusing and I missed my connection.  Luckily after a lot of conversations in varying levels of German (mine is almost nonexistant) I got a new train and finally found my way to German Lara's home.

From there it became a magnificent Christmas.  We went to a pageant at a nearby Lutheran church, and I got to hear all the songs I grew up hearing but in German, which was so cool.  It made me really nostalgic for my super-religious childhood, weirdly.  Then they used actual candles in their Christmas tree and opened presents and then we played board games and snacked on cookies until 2am.  The rule for Christmas day was that nobody needs to be up before noon.  I was so happy I almost hugged everyone.

My back pain is finally fading.  It was almost gone yesterday, but I slept funny and it's currently kind of returned a bit, but I think with movement it'll fade again.  However, my vomit-soaked trip through the December air has left me with a pretty obnoxious cold.  Lots of tissues.

I miss my family traditions and stuff, but I'm so glad I came here.  For my host family, sleeping in means getting up at 8 instead of 7.

Also, we saw a mystery item falling from the sky last night!  Local news reports seem to say that it was part of a Russian rocket or satellite or something, but all I know is that it looked like we might want to call in the Doctor.  It was awesome.

beurrrk

Dec. 23rd, 2011 12:57 pm
Well, the neck pain has persisted for a little over a week now.

Tonight I'm going to Germany.

Yesterday was interesting.  I had my date.  We talked for a long time, I drank a Bloody Mary (AWFUL), and then we walked along the Seine, a weird vendor tricked him into buying a Santa hat which he gave to me, and he kept sliding closer to me and saying he was cold.  And he would use any excuse to put an arm around me or whatever.  Like, embarrassed that the vendor tricked him?  Put his forehead on my shoulder.  That kind of stuff.  And I was like welp I imagine I know where this will lead.

And sure enough, I was in the middle of talking about a car horn or something when he started kissing me.  I figured what the hell, I'll kiss back.

I guess it won't ever be the way it was with my dumbass again.  I just thought he was so magical and we wanted each other for months.  There was so much buildup and so much obsession.  I don't hold any grudges against him anymore.  I just kind of miss the person I thought he was.  I miss that person a lot.  I expected too much from him.  But now that I've started thinking about other things too I understand why I cross his mind so infrequently.  I don't mind.  I'm a little bit sad, but I'll soldier on.

Anyway, my goal was to kiss someone else before the end of the year, and I did it.  It wasn't magical or exciting or anything, but I'm glad it happened and I'll be glad to see him again when I get back from Germany.

Then I went to see a little production of Les Liaisons dangereuses, my favorite movie and one of my favorite books, and... I knew I'd been feeling poorly, but... well... twenty minutes into the show, I threw up.

It was a tiny theatre, I was in the second row, and the actresses were standing less than ten feet away from me when suddenly that Bloody Mary came spewing back into being.  All over every item of clothing I was wearing.  I sat there stunned for a second, then got up and hurried to the back of the theatre where I saw a technician and was in the middle of saying "J'ai vomi--" when another round came out.  And then another.  He grabbed a trash can for me and I threw up two more times.  He led me to the bathroom where I tried to clean up in the sink.

My face.  My hair.  My turtleneck.  My favorite dress.  All the space between my turtleneck and my favorite dress.  My tights.  My legwarmers.  My boots.  My scarf.  My underwear.  EVERYTHING.

I spent ages contorting over that sink, trying to get the most obvious chunks off.  It was so awful.  Finally a lady appeared and asked if I wanted her to call the firemen.  THE FIREMEN?  Gah France wtf.

She asked if I wanted to go back and watch the rest of the show, and I was like, Lady, I reek of tomato juice vomit.  I just need to lie down.  She was so sweet though, telling me not to be embarrassed and not to worry about it and reassuring me that the other people in the theatre don't know me, blah blah.  It was really sweet.  I finally managed to go back in to collect my bag and coat, whispering a "désolée!" to the people who were sitting around my little vomit puddle, and hurried back out.  I was drenched and putrid and... now I had to take the métro home.

Most awkward métro ride ever.  I tried to smoosh my drippy stinky self into corners, but after a few minutes I could always see other people in the train start to sniff and look around.  It took so long.  I finally arrived home and immediately stripped everything off and started a load of wash, but the smell was on me too.  I showered, but I was too dizzy to stay upright long so I had to lie down.  The smell was still there, so I had to shower again with more soap once I had collected my balance.

When I told my host family they gave me the day off, but there isn't anyone else to watch the kids.  I was glad to lie back down, but the kids are on their own and after an hour or so they started fighting and I had to come break it up.  I played board games with them for a few hours until their mom came in, sent me back to bed (yay!) and is now feeding them lunch.  I've eaten a clementine and a compote (apple sauce stuff) today, and that's it.  I have no appetite and get easily nauseated.

And tonight I have a nine-hour train ride to Germany.  Add in my neck pain and... maybe I could just kill myself?
The last few days have been really tough.

I kind of wounded my back somehow about a week ago--my lower back, just at the base of my spine.  And ever since I've had varying degrees of shoulder and neck pain/stiffness.  This weekend I couldn't turn my head at all.  It's torture.  My host family is sympathetic and has put me on Doliprane, a French painkiller, but it only works like 70% and it also makes me really nauseous or... something I can't describe.

The worst thing is, every time I'm left alone with my thoughts they get really dark.  I think I am finally starting to look around me and see that my groupie days are over, my obsession with Patrice is over, and I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't know what I want.  I am looking forward to three things: Christmas at German Lara's house (next weekend), seeing Adam & Eve (in a little over a month), and 1789 (in less than a year).  After that... nothing.  It's like my life is a ten minute youtube video and it's only managed to buffer the first minute.  I don't know what to look forward to after that.  I don't have any career aspirations or anything.  Whenever I see how happy my host family is surrounded by family and life-long friends I ask what the hell I think I'm doing out here alone in a foreign country prowling around dating sites for company and texting people who don't feel the need to answer.  I love Europe and I love France and I love Paris, but I'm just getting so scared and so overwhelmed.  I don't miss the United States at all, but wouldn't it be easier?

I can't give up and go back, though, because here I at least have a plan for another year.  I submitted my TAPIF application and will find out what they say at the beginning of April.  Everyone who knows about the program assures me that I'll get Paris (or a suburb) since I have so much experience living here and speaking French and blah blah.  Plus I've found a program that hooks students up with a lonely old person with a huge house in Paris: you live in a spare room and pay something like €21 a month and all the old person asks is that you eat dinner with them and tell them about your day.  I LOVE old people.  That would be ideal for me as long as they found me a suitable geezer and as long as my person didn't DIE before our year was up.  I would even make an awesome PROFIT from TAPIF if I could do that!

If I went home... I have no idea.  I wouldn't be growing or moving forward.  I wouldn't know where to start looking for a job or future.  Literally, I wouldn't know WHERE to look.  My hometown?  My college town?  New York City?  Some random city I find by throwing a dart at a map?  No, at least here I have a path for next year.  At least here I CAN do stuff if I want.  At least here I have a place in society, even if that place has become slightly obsolete without MOR.

Anyway.  Scared, depressed, sore, unsure.  And sore.  REALLY sore.  I'm at a point in my life where for the first time mortality is really starting to scare me.

Also, I have found that I can no longer make ANY life decisions without running it by other people first.  Even my Sims game I screencap new developments so I can tell everyone (no one cares) about it.  I haven't started applying for the living-with-an-old-person thing because I haven't had enough friends encourage me to do so yet.  In any case I should probably wait till April, because if I don't get TAPIF then I'm going to have to stay with this host family for another year.

My sore back kept me indoors last Monday, and I skipped stagedooring La Chanson de l'Année.  I went for a few hours during the afternoon and saw Christophe Maé, Shy'm, Seal, and Bénabar going in to rehearsals.  If I had come back and waited to catch people as they left I could have seen the troupes of Adam & Eve and 1789.  I could have gotten flotos.  But I stayed here and laid across my bed and thought about how scared I was until I cried.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO LOVE SOMETHING SO MUCH YOUR SOUL EXPLODES?


Direct link because lj was a mofo last time and wouldn't embed that other youtube video.

I am being very emotional today.  Stagedoor Mélanie posted a GORGEOUS Floto and I got so jealous I think it broke me.  And my mom is treating me like I'm overreacting to another fandom but DUDE. This is different.  I was there.  It took me four days to get home and one day to decide I wanted to go back to France.

JOYEUX FLOËL EVERYBODY.
 THE GIF IS A LINK.

A LINK... TO ENGLISH SUBTITLES.

MERRY CHRISTMAS INTERNET.



(I MADE THEM. These are my translations with beta help from Laurel and [livejournal.com profile] malanai and the subtitle file is entirely of my own creation.  I am not going to tell you where to get the video they go with, but if you haven't figured it out by now you are a herpderp.  This post is unlocked because I want the whole internet to have access to these subtitles.  EVERYONE NEEDS MOR.  I made them, I own them, and if you're the forum TRY AND SUE ME.  YOU CANNOT.  THESE ARE MY CREATION, BEEYOTCH.)

(To use the subtitles, just give them the same name as the .avi file of the Mozart l'Opéra Rock DVD and put them in the same folder.  I use GOMPlayer, an awesome free sleek quick and easy video player, and it picks them up flawlessly.  I'm pretty sure things like VLC will also be able to play them.  I've been told there's a display error with some of the accents in DivX, but I couldn't bear to put "Sussmayr" when "Süssmayr" was an option, so I'm sorry to you if you use DivX.  There are very few umlauts.)

IN THE WORDS OF THAT SANTA UP THERE, FLO FLO FLO MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Oh and by the by, greatest news ever: it has been said by Dove that there will someday be a DVD of whatever they filmed on Tuesday.  I WILL SUBTITLE THAT ONE TOO YOU GUYS because, based on the eight times I saw the show in the past few months, it's going to be EVEN BETTER than the existing DVD by about a thousand percent.
I can't believe I'm home.  Like... I'm home.  I haven't been here since August and yet it's like I never left.  The dog got a haircut and that's the only thing that's different.

My family laughed at me because at dinner I was holding my fork upside-down in my left hand like a French person, but I genuinely could not imagine another way to eat lasagna.  And then out of habit I stacked everyone's plates and helped my mom clear the table (with my host family clearing the table is a team effort) and the SHOCKED look on my mom's face was a little bit amazing.

My brother is still a douchebag.  I found out that my overall Sorbonne grade was a SIXTEEN--I got a 14,5 on the written exam and, get this, 18,25 on the oral.  DUDE I AM A GENIUS.  I got that grade without paying ANY ATTENTION IN CLASS EVER because I was so busy doing things like this and this and this and this.

FLORENT MOTHE. If you ever stop by my livejournal again, I MADE AN 18,25 on my oral exam at the Sorbonne.  I am a GENIUS.  YOU SHOULD MARRY ME.  (I mean, we all drew a topic we'd discussed in class and I just *happened* to draw Demain dès l'aube, meaning my topic was VICTOR HUGO FOR GOODNESS'S SAKE, so really I lucked out.  But remember when I talked about dancing around my room to Victime de ma victoire instead of studying??  THIS IS THE RESULT.)

Anyway I was saying.  My brother was like eighteen? That's failing.  And then he made fun of my host family's name and he made fun of the gifts they sent my parents and he talked over everyone at the table about his life going to a party school at the beach, because THAT'S what we all want to hear about.  Not the girl who hasn't been home since August because she's been living in a foreign land.

I mean, he doesn't mean any harm.  He's just really not fun to deal with.

I'm lying in my bed now--MY bed, my actual bed!--after a full night's sleep.  The train ride was pretty awesome.  I left Trenton at 8am, never got out of my seat, the lady next to me gave me some cake, and we ended up getting delayed for an hour in Washington.  And then we were ten minutes from home and we had to pull over for like thirty minutes while another train passed, and all the other people on the train were like losing their minds because they were going to be SO LATE and they were like NOOO I'M AN HOUR AND A HALF LATE and I was like I'M FOUR DAYS AND AN HOUR AND A HALF LATE but I was kind of laughing the whole time because honestly.  After what I've been through, I don't know if anything will ever upset me again.  Travel-wise.

I played Sims the whole way home, stopping every once in a while for MOR or Conan.  My game is pretty epic right now, but I'm going to post my screencaps later in a friends-locked post because I don't want to be ashamed of myself again.  Oh, and I spent an hour and a half making a much better Flo Sim than my previous one.  He's not in the game yet because my previous one still is, but you know he will be soon.  The new Flo has the Flonytail.

I watched the MOR video with my subs on the plane and again on the train (IT WAS RESEARCH) and caught like four spelling errors (emporer, reqiuems, fun stuff) and one sub that flashed by WAY TOO FAST.  I'm going to watch the video with my mom today who speaks no French, is an English grammar teacher, and has no idea what to expect to get her opinion (she'll finally understand me when I tell her stories about her unwilling future son-in-law!).  Then I fix my errors and SUBTITLES FOR YOU FOR CHRISTMAS, INTERNET!

I also have two more MOR reviews and three-ish more stagedoor stories to tell.  And that forum is definitely going to take shape soon.  I don't know much about such things, so I'm investigating to see if lefora is a better thing than forumotion or whatever... idk.

I went through all my clothes and put on a look-how-big-everything-is-now fashion show for my mom.  AND THEN!  Three years ago I bought this CHIC AS A MOFO coat thing with cape sleeves off eBay but it was too small.  It was SO CUTE that I just kept it in the back of my closet all these years.  Today.  It fits.  Oh my gosh, I'm going to be the most amazing person in France.  I'll post a picture of that life-changingly awesome coat at some point so I can blow all your minds.  I forgot I even had it!   I finally got on an American scale--I've lost forty pounds since I left America.

OH MY GOSH birds are tweeting outside my window.  I have seen nothing but pigeons since August.  BIRDS!  I forgot about living in the woods and stuff.  There are birds!

I don't remember if I had anything specific to say in this post other than SQUEE AMERICA.  Basically, I woke up at 6am and decided to internet.  I kept dreaming I was in airports or at the stage door trying to tell Flo and Mikele I got home safely (because they are obviously worried about me) and then I'd wake up, squint around and be like Wait, where am I?  And it would hit me--HOME!--and I'd cry a little and then go back to sleep.  And next time I go to sleep I'll wake up and it'll be Christmas!  Wow.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, lesmisloony sent to me...
Twelve heroes drumming
Eleven eels piping
Ten Claquesous a-leaping
Nine Amadeus dancing
Eight vampires a-knitting
Seven books a-writing
Six musicals a-reading
Five fo-o-o-oreign languages
Four vampire chronicles
Three gay rights
Two Máté Kamarás
...and a slash in a Sendhil Ramamurthy.
Get your own Twelve Days:


I couldn't resist the last line. And the knitting vampires. And yet another opportunity for my Christ-miz icon.

I also like to point out to everyone that Gillenormand dressed as an Incroyable because that was the last period where he thought he was fashionable. If you want to fansquee, go reread the bits about Gillenormand, starting with "Ninety Years Old and All Thirty-Two Teeth" or whatever the chapter is. He crazy!

Oh dear.

Nov. 19th, 2009 03:09 pm
Loony: The cheese is stuck in the cracker hole! I can't get it out... wait, no, there it goes. I got it.
Molly: ...
Loony: I had to go in the back way to dislodge it.
Molly: That's what SANTA said.
Loony: He had to go in the back way to get what he wanted?
Molly: He had to go in the back door... instead of the chimney...
Loony: Hurr hurr, breaking in the back door instead of coming down the chimney?
Molly: Because the back door was open and he knew there wouldn't be any alarms.
Loony: But someone might cry out upon witnessing his entrance.
Molly: Someone might scream when he comes in the back door.
Loony: Unless he slips.

FOLLOWUP:
Molly: I wanna watch "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."
Loony: I wanna take a great pumpkin and smash it over Charlie Brown's funny-lookin' head.
Molly: I wanna take my paring knife and cut out your innards.
Loony: ...
lesmisloony: (knitting and Saboo)
Yay knittings! Lots and lots of pictures... let's hope the cut works.
This is a little stereotypical-looking Mexican guy. His name is... uh... I forgot. But I decided he was secretly an undercover cop and not a Mexican at all which is why he's playing a lute and not a guitar. Also, that poncho is a separate piece if you can get it over his head. Yayy. He was for my uncle Jon who lives in Texas and always sends us weird Mexican Christmas tree ornaments that look like death heads or something.
Don... Jose... Sanchez? I don't remember his name. )

Here is Brunnhilde. She was for my uncle Peter who loves the opera, kind of as a joke. I love my uncle Peter. He has cancer. :(
Brunnhilde! )

Here is ugly cat. He's for my Aunt Barbara who likes cats and my Uncle Rick who likes the Cubs. He is ugly.
Ugly Cat is Ugly. )

This is Cletus. He's a country bumpkin guy for my aunt Sheila who used to own the bluegrass park. He's got booze. A HUGE thing of crocheted booze.
Cletus )

Here's a creepy kangaroo! She's crocheted. Which is why she's a little crappy looking.
Kangaroo )

This dog is a little messed up, but I like him. He's for my (somehow related to me somehow person) Anne who reportedly has a dog just like this...?
Fat Dog )

This is my favourite of this batch. I call him Little Stuart. He was the predecessor to Little Ten (Little Ten's head was smaller and he was less fat, but I was just trying it out at the time.) and the first doll I made.
Little Stuart! )

And here's the whole lot.


WAIT NO! I forgot the most important part!

Little Jack! )



I GOT A DISCO BALL FOR CHRISTMAS YOU GUYS.

Also a pretty jacket and some other stuff, but mostly omg disco ball.


And I never finished that Christmas story, but here's another creative writing assignment of funtimes and stuff. This was when Richmond was weird and bitter about his childhood. He's more chill now. As is Julian. Obvs. Also, Richmond's voice changed, um, A LOT.

Also, when I turned this in the creative writing professor said it didn't make sense and needed more concrete details and he didn't really know what was going on, but I remain convinced that there's plenty of information there. In fact, because he failed to understand this story, I think he's probably a bit slow. That is all.

Do I need a Richmulian tag? )


I have a headless Little Jack lying over there on the table next to Little Ten.  Unlike the other two, Little Jack is not undressable.  (Ironic, isn't it?)  Because that would take too much time I don't have.  I still have to finish that stupid prayer shawl.

Ugh, the prayer shawl.  It's been so long since I used a pattern and needles other than my trusty dpn's!  I kind of hate it now.  But good-naturedly hate it, like the way I hate... um... oh gosh it's so late.  Um, the way I hate my brother.  Yeah, that.

Anyway, I thought I'd screwed Little Jack up right away and almost took him apart, but with some creative stitching he came out all right.  And, considering he only lacks a head and a big swishy jacket, I'm pretty sure he'll be done by tomorrow.  Which is super exciting, cos I only started him today and he's a big doll, the same size as Little Ten.  (Big meaning about as long as my foot, whereas the presents I made for most of my friends and family were more like the size of my hand, like Old Gregg and the Hitcher.)  After Little Jack gets his head and coat, all I gotta do is finish the stupid prayer shawl (I think one more skein oughtta do it, but I hafta go back to Michael's and get one) and add tassels to the tree skirt I made for my parents back in spring.  And then wrap everything!

And then, right after Christmas, I gotta get back on the presents for friends.  All I'll have finished is family stuff and the doll for Stacyfacy.  Because we'll be getting together on Christmas to watch the Christmas Special.  Duh.  And then she shall receive Little Jack.  And Little Jack, Little Ten, Little Rose, and Big Loony and Big Stacyfacy shall all have fangasms together.

And it shall be good.  Presumably.
lesmisloony: (knitting and Saboo)
I feel like I haven't posted in FOREVER. Mostly because today was entirely spent knitting and knitting and knitting. Well, except for the one part where I played the piano (Les Mis conductor's score FTW!) and the other part where my family and I went out to this weird steak joint and then I ran by Michael's and got some pretty blue Lion Brand yarn for MOAR KNITTING. It's almost Christmas and that means OMG KNITTING. Because of my tendency to knit presents for everyone and my other tendency to procrastinate. And I crochet a few bits here and there, but I hate crochet cos I feel quite faily at it. I was going to save this icon for the day I eventually post the pictures of my lil Old Gregg and Hitcher dollies, but it sums up how I feel so perfectly that I shall debut it now. BUT! I finished the little racist-looking mariachi dude for my uncle who lives in Texas and is weirdly obsessed with Mexico! Meaning, since I don't have to do that complicated thing I had planned for my Granny (though to be fair, I sure wish I had reason to do it...) I've only got two gifts left! A prayer shawl and a creepy puppy doll with a State jersey on. 'Course, then I found out since my dad's side of the family is still broken up over losing Granny (as am I. I think about her every day and have come near tears at least twice this week. Oh my gosh I love her so much.) that half the people I wasted time knitting presents for aren't even coming in this year and I've gotta mail them their presents. I've decided I'm gonna start my friends' presents either after Christmas or after I finish the family presents, whichever comes first.

BUT! I found some late-night time to start work on another movie summary for ff.net. This one is the Lino Ventura Valjean movie, the 1982 miniseries where Montparnasse is a giant Gavroche and Javert looks like Mrs. Trunchbull. I'm halfway through part one of mah recap.

And then I ganked a meme from[livejournal.com profile] squeegee_burblecos they're fun.

Here it is! )

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