This is gonna have to be my new tradition. I also did 2009 and 2011.

Seems to me now that the dreams we had before are all dead, nothing more than confetti on the floor )

Ew I ended it on a sour note. Well this has been kind of a sour year. I mean for other people I guess it would be a fine year (minus nearly dying and finding out your friends don't care about you) but to fill out this quiz I was deleting my answers from LAST year when I had become the world's best groupie and recently been deflowered by my then-celebrity crush and followed that up with three first dates in one weekend, so like... deleting that and throwing in how stupid this year as been made me crankier and crankier.

Let's hope next year I'll be able to delete these answers and fill in something a lot perkier.
Well obviously I have a lot I need to post about after yesterday, but I don't know if I'll have time to give it the detail it deserves. It was a heck of a ridiculous day.

First, I went to meet some friends at the PDS, where one of them was holding a sign saying we needed tickets. There were four of us, and the tickets were GIVEN to us. We went in for free.

Tu voudrais pas qu'on s'salisse, qu'on s'fasse les vendanges... DA NA, NANA NA NA, DA NA, NANA NA NA! )

Unfortunately, I saw every single fan I'd been trying to avoid there (except my old pal A-Crazy). I was so unaffected by the show and uncomfortable being around those fans that I decided to skip the stage door and head on over to Le Manoir de Paris, a haunted house where my beloved Patrice Maktav was rumoured to be playing Sweeney Todd.

In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats )

So that was my ridiculous day. Every time I leave the house something ridiculous happens to me. That's why I love living in Paris.

(Before you leave your comment, remember that this is an unlocked post. This isn't.)
Okay, so I think it's been a long time since I posted an unlocked entry. My life is pretty busy most of the time, which I'm getting used to. It feels better than lying around on a futon all summer crying over flotos.

Speaking of crying over flotos, there is to be a MOR reunion concert on Monday November 7th around 10pm and guess who bought her ticket one hour after the announcement was made! I saw the news and literally started bouncing up and down and crying. ON SE REVERRA BITCHES. The parents are usually home by 7, which is dinner time, or 8 at the latest... if the mom gets home before dinner I'll ask if I can leave RIGHT THEN. The doors open at 9h30 and it'll take me a half an hour to get there but I don't want there to be any chance that I might not see them in person. It's free placement too, so if I get there early enough I can get right up in their faces. I'm hoping that since it's so late on a Monday night a lot of fans won't be able to come since a lot of the craziest ones weren't from Paris.

I also already have tickets to see MOR in 3D with German Lara. There's only ONE SCREENING in Paris! It would be fantastic if that meant awesome people would be there. You know they'll look cute in 3D glasses.

Speaking of seeing awesome people who look cute I finally got to see Patrice Maktav last Monday. I'm not sure how much of what he said I'm allowed to repeat, but I guess I can reveal that it looks unlikely that he'll be in Robin Hood but he DOES have plans to be in another show. He seemed kind of sure he would be in it but I don't think it's confirmed yet. He also wants to put out a CD of new songs. And he's still a sweetheart.

As for the host family, I know I was recently moaning about the mom lecturing me, and the other day I told the dad I needed to clean my room and at the end of the day he had seen it and agreed that it needed cleaning, but he chose to express that through a long speech about how when I get a job someday I'll have to be more organized than that and they're trying to teach the kids to clean up after themselves so I have to set them an example and blah blah blah. The thing is, the host family is very nice. They're just preachy. They want to make me be just like them since I'm living with them. Let me tell you something though, my room is a little messy right now, I have a tendency to set things on the floor instead of getting out of bed and putting them on a table, I tend to put clothes I've only worn once in a pile on a chair rather than back in the drawer or closet, but the way this room looks right now? It is STELLAR compared to the norm. Guess there's no point in telling him that though.

The family is very nice, but they just think their way is always the right way and aren't really open to correction or alternatives. And because of the position I'm in, I usually just kind of agree. One interesting thing is my host mom told me how my life is nothing but MOR and then she told me that I never ask about their lives and I need to be interested in them. That weekend crazy stuff happened to me, I ended up getting into a food fight with Gregory Deck, the next day I went to hang with Patrice, the day after I went to Shakespeare and Co and played their piano... but I waited to share all those things till she asked. She never asked. So who isn't interested in anyone else's life? I just kept my silence at the table, made sure Nilou the Nightmare Child was eating, and waited.

Speaking of Nilou the Nightmare Child, we are thick as thieves these days. I'm not sure when it happened or how, but that kid loves me to death. We really get along and it's great. He doesn't always do what I ask, but I can eventually make baths and things happen without tears or too much complaining. We horseplay, I fling him around and tickle him, it's going really well. Even the dad commented that we have a very good relationship, he said Nilou never tells him "J'aime PAS Ehreen!" He didn't finish the thought, but I knew what he was thinking... I have finally beaten Shantelle the Miracleworker at something. He was saying that it's easier for me to get along with Nilou this year since the other two kind of take care of themselves, and sure, I agree with that. Sometimes in the morning when he's still sulky he'll go "T'es PAS ma copine!" and I go "Ohhhhh nooooo!" and he flails a hand in my direction and one minute later he gets over it. More importantly, he is OBSESSED with C'est bientôt la fin. He constantly asks me "Est-ce que tu peux mettre Mozart dehors?" which translates as Can you put Mozart outside but he means can you put on the video where Mozart is outside... haha. And last time he was kind of trying to hum along. Then he asked to watch it again and spent the whole time poking the screen and going "C'est qui?" and I go "Melissa!" or whoever and he goes "J'aime bien elle!" Then he started just going "J'aime bien elle, j'aime bien lui, j'aime bien lui" (which is I like her, I like him, I like him) and when Flo came on he goes "C'est qui?" and I went "FLOWWWWW" and he goes "J'aime PAS lui!" and I went "Nooooooo! It's Flo, I LOVE Flo, I LLLLLOVE HIM!" and Nilou was like "Lui je l'aime PAS!" and I went NOOOOOO and it was actually really funny. When it was the whole crowd at the end he said he likes all of them, then asked me which was Flo and when I pointed he went Je n'aime pas lui!" it was SO funny.

Nilou has also started also repeating my English all the time, which I love. He found a stick in the park and said "Ça c'est big!" and when I go That's enough he says "Non c'est pas nuff!" It's very fun. I'm also giving English lessons on Saturdays to a neighbor kid, and she is ADORABLE. She seems to learn quickly and it's surprisingly easy for me to figure out what to teach her next. I make €13 for amusing myself for an hour with her.

Making dinner is getting easier, Mimi and I baked a cake together last Wednesday and, even though we were translating the recipe from cups to centiliters and kind of guessing at times it came out alright. A little bit chewier than a cake should be, but hella delicious. On Wednesday the mom left on a business trip and I was in charge of getting the kids to their various practices and getting dinner on the table until Friday night. It went beautifully.

Yesterday after the English lesson I decided to go into Paris and just kill time on my own for a while. I went to Les Saveurs and got a long sandwich, a piece of apple pie, and some Minute Maid, and I ate them in the jardin du Luxembourg, which I hadn't been to in a while. Then I went up by the Seine and sat in Shakespeare and Co reading The Giver until some douchebag got off the piano, and I played MOR and LM for an hour and a half. Then I went to the little park next door to finish reading and got hit on by a random dude who was kind of cute but had really short hair. To escape that situation I said I had to go and I went to Les Halles where I got some new tights in darker colors, then I came home for dinner. No one asked how my day had been or where I had gone. I don't mind that, just... don't tell me I only exist in terms of MOR and that I need to ask people questions about their lives unless you're planning to ask me questions about MY life every once in a while.

I do miss having friends who answer text messages... like, when I see something funny or something weird happens I want to be able to tell someone and get a reaction. One of the au pairs sometimes answers me. There's another one who never answers who I text sometimes, we hang out right after class. I also have three French friends from last year: Bénédicte from the Florum who gave me the extra backstage pass in Strasbourg, Laure who was in the bar with the Troupe trying to get me to dance in Caen, and Camille who always wants to speak English with me... but Laure and Camille live in another city, so I don't get to see much of them. Bénédicte and I got lunch last Friday, it was nice. She let me chatter incessantly and we went to a fancy sit-down restaurant with servers dressed in black and dim lighting and burgundy walls... it was a Pizza Hut. Oh France.

I really love being here. I like the solitary-ness, I like being able to wander out and do things on my own. I like pausing in the sidewalk and looking up at these old limestone buildings and thinking... my town is Paris. The town where I know how to get by, where I understand my life and where I never get lost no matter how aimlessly I wander... is Paris, France.

I think that after June finding a way to stay with my own little place would be perfect. I can do childcare, I can do English lessons... I just want to stay. I don't want to have to clean my room for a host family's sake or go out to prove that I have a life... I just want to be free to decide for myself.

I do worry a bit about the future since I'm living one year at a time, but usually in my life I know what to do next. I know when something strikes my fancy, and I'm waiting for that. When an opportunity shows up I can tell it's right and I go after it, but right now there isn't anything yet. I think the fact that I'm learning childcare and English lessons is meaningful, I think I'm starting off in a good place to keep getting enough work to get by. Sometimes I worry that I should be planning for the future, like my parents did and like these host parents did, and start training for a career, but I genuinely don't even have a clue where I'd want to start. I hope that when I'm old I don't regret not looking harder for a way to settle down, but honestly I'm still learning how to live and I'm not ready for that yet.


Aug. 16th, 2011 10:13 pm
Went shopping with Kelley today and bought three dresses, three bras, tights, and socks.  Good things to have.  Then we did a photoshoot.  I was doing a good job all day untilllll the photoshoot, when I basically started pouting and bitching because I couldn't take myself seriously enough to pose for any of the pictures and I felt really self-conscious and horrible about it.  I then proceeded to loathe every picture when I saw it in the camera.

I put the pictures on facebook anyway because Kelley made me, and once they were online they weren't so bad.  Here are my least favorite pictures of each outfit we took pictures of:

Read more... ) 

Anyway, that was my day.  I like my new clothes and stuff.  I just wish I liked me more consistently.
Today I had noodles for breakfast, frozen yogurt and four free cookies from Harris Teeter for lunch, and broccoli and chocolate-covered cheesecake for dinner.

I wore a tanktop that is super tight and hugs every crevice of my flabby belly and I wore it in public and I didn't cross my arms or wear a vest or anything.  No one gave me a weird look or told me I should be ashamed of my hideous weight or even cared what I was wearing.


Also this icon is irrelevant but it's my favorite thing ever.  I am also the proud owner of an .avi of the toofthBRUSH video.

Life is good.

37 days!


Jul. 13th, 2011 09:38 pm
 I don't like how one little thing can set me off and give me a bad feeling for the rest of the day.  Maybe once I get back to France I can pick up where I left off and maybe I'll be able to feel good about myself most of the time and not just every once in a while.

Apparently the host family liked my dossier and the next step is for them to contact me directly.  I've gotten kind of attached to the concept of these three kids, but not as attached as I am to the concept of having my own apartment in the 13th arrondissement.  Yeah, I'll be getting up early and bundling three kids off to school, then picking them up later and spending most of the afternoon entertaining them, not to mention a bunch of housework on Wednesdays and stuff, but I'm suffering here with nothing to do with my life.  I think I've used the word "directionless" in every entry.  If I wasn't working toward getting back to Paris I think I'd have gone kind of crazy weeks ago.

Maybe I play the Sims too often and now I just always expect to have an achievable goal in sight.  It was easy as a groupie: every weekend I went to another city and accomplished so many things on my own--hotels, trains, teeny moments endearing myself to the famous people I love and admire--but here I go days at a time without leaving the apartment.  I don't want to leave.  Every time I open the door the humidity grosses me out and I just want to go back inside and lie down some more.  I only go out to go to work, and then I come straight home and get right back online.  Yesterday I turned the computer off long enough to watch Amadeus (sobbed my way through all the scenes that made me think of Da Ponte) and halfway through the movie I got an urge to get back online.

I know I can be awesome and I know I enjoy it.  I like challenges that I have to overcome, like speaking French on a daily basis or getting the name of the Troupe's hotel.  I don't like sitting around trying to think of something to do.

I'm sorry to every single person who's had to talk to me this summer, online or in person.  I can't talk or think about anything but Patrice Maktav.  I wish I could for everyone's sake.  I know how easy it is for me to cling to something like this and lose touch with rationality, but when you've done the things I've done, at what point are you being unrealistic?

I need something to do, but at the same time I don't want to do anything.  It's 9:30 and I've already put on my pyjamas and gotten in bed.
lesmisloony: (sad doctor)
 Today.  The first thing I saw online today was a picture of Solal totally breaking down during the last ever curtain call.

Then Marjolaine.

Then Diane.

A video of Maeva losing it during the last ever Je dors sur des roses.

I held it together.  I saw Patrice pull Mikele into a hug and I flinched, but I held it together.  I did real life things.

Then I saw this.



I lost it.  I just flung myself across my bed and sobbed.




i just want to cry forever

where did i put that nutella
 For a little less than an hour, Mozart l'Opéra Rock has been over.

Nutella party and a slapdash costume under the cut )

This picture was posted to Merwan's official fanpage yesterday.


"Ça va, ne sois pas triste car nous avons nos poupées avec nous.. c'est un peu de toi avec nous!  Bisous!"  -Patrice Maktav, 25 March 2011
lesmisloony: (XD Shoujo Cosette)
 At the risk of speaking too soon, in the space of one day I seem to have gotten everything I wanted.

1. A fan got a picture with Patrice today.  That's the first time since I left the country.  He looked so sweet and awkward and he was wearing the hipster shades and I just.  I was going through her pictures and when that one popped up I literally started jumping up and down.  And this happened AT WORK.  I was so happy to see his sweet face again.

2. I got offered a host family who's in the thirteenth arrondissement.  I could mention how a rendezvous I was supposed to have fell apart last May largely because I lived too far out in the suburbs.  Also I would like to point out that in this situation I HAVE MY OWN LITTLE FLAT with MY OWN LITTLE DOOR omg the freedom can you imagine because I can't

3. Patrice.  Still.  Loves.  Me.  In Strasbourg and Dijon he told me about how much he wanted to get everyone together to get a picture of all the dolls.  Well, this morning the "other" American fan wrote on my wall that she had spoken to Jean-Michel before the show and he specifically told her to tell me that tomorrow--THE NEXT TO THE LAST DAY OF THE SHOW *EVER*--they are all going to bring their dolls with them to Bercy so that they can get that picture.  PATRICE.  DOLLS.  BERCY.  THE WHOLE TROUPE.

I can't even.  All my wishes are coming true.  What did I do to deserve so much goodness in my life ALREADY?  Why do all my dreams seem to IMMEDIATELY come true?
 I have a skype interview Monday!

Read more... )

Maybe I look a little saner now.  But hopefully also fun and loved?  Haha.

Omg I'm sleepy.  I had stress dreams all night about getting that last piece of the application turned in.


Jun. 23rd, 2011 04:30 am
 Today Kelley helped me fix my résumé which I hadn't edited in like two years and she made it BETTER THAN EVER.  Omg I am so excited.  That was my last excuse to be lazy about job/career hunting.

The first thing I used it for was to apply for a job as an au pair in Paris.  I found a website where you have to pay an agency in New York a fee less than $200 but they match you with a family and walk you through all the visa paperwork and apparently you also have to register in, get this, A FRENCH GRAMMAR COURSE AT THE SORBONNE.  Well, I already beasted intermediate and advanced level courses so I may as well try my hand at superior.  Anyway au pair seems like the best deal because it's room and board, they pay your navigo (whaaat), there's some kind of health insurance deal, and there's STILL weekly pay.  Alls you gotta do is mind some French kids, pick them up from school and babysit "up to two nights a week".  They say jobs as an au pair last from six to ten months.  GET ME THE TEN MONTHS PLEASE.  And then I think if you find work while you're already in France with a visa you can, like, just go to the prefecture to get the paperwork to get the visa changed or something?  That's what google taught me.

Also a young man stopped by who may take my room and pay most of my share of the rent, just sharing the massive closet and bathroom with me while I sleep in the living room.  That would make life so much cheaper and everything would be so good.  He didn't seem super sketchy.

Also Kelley and I put ridiculous makeup on each other, dressed up in costumes, and did a photoshoot.

Tomorrow my coworkers invited me to a Doctor Who marathon.

My friend Véronique told a story about meeting Patrice in Epernay this past weekend wherein she had a photo with me in it for him to sign and Patrice went from being a rushed cranky shypants to the most patient celebrity ever merely at the sight of a photograph of me so HA.

I clearly can't go live at home even though it IS  free room and board.  My mom and I had the most irritating fight about going to church and just ugh.  It's so weird to talk to her because I realise she doesn't LISTEN, she just turns everything into a story about herself.

If this au pair thing accepts me, I think they'll ship me back to Paris in... August!  Cross your fingers, loves.  I wouldn't even have to unpack the rest of the way!
 Two options: sublet and move out (all the good times with Kelley that I'm supposed to be having this fall...!) or find someone to split the room.

Splitting the room means sharing the closet and the bathroom with a total stranger (granted they won't be a stranger for long...) and at night probably sleeping on my futon in the living room.  Right now I'm sleeping on the futon but in my bedroom so it's not a big difference.  The prime candidate right now is a young man who apparently sounds like a gay man on the phone or a Swiss doctor who doesn't understand banks.

The other option is for me to move into a "converted den" in the house of a friend of a coworker and sublease my half of this apartment.  Right now there's one prospect to take my half of the lease in August, a girl from craigslist.

The converted den is cheaper and closer to work and the rest of the world, meaning it won't take me two hours to make the trip to work which would only be about fifteen minutes if I had access to a car, but my roommates would be two guys who are total strangers.

I'm so frustrated by all this I haven't had time to mope about how Patrice apparently doesn't read messages on facebook anymore (or he hates me) or how much I miss France and Frenchmen or the fact that in less than a month MOR is closing and, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, THE WORLD WILL BE OVER.

So maybe it's a good thing to immediately be launched into this madness without time to languish.

Also, I've already picked up two shifts this weekend from coworkers.  Looks like I'll be working quite a bit more than I'm scheduled to!  Two hours of bus nonsense or not, I will NEVER turn a shift down.

As soon as I get a response from one of the fans I messaged I'm going to send five dancer dolls to France to be given to ANYONE IN THE TROUPE AT ALL, along with a note telling the other dancers to please send me an address so I can finish a doll for each of them too because they're all fantastic.  Then I can open for business knitting dolls for people with money.

My book thing is coming along okay.  I'm up to chapter two and I've wrangled a way to denote the difference between someone speaking French and someone speaking English without having to write every sentence twice.  Today I narrated the details of my entire relationship with Patrice Maktav, starting with the doll-giving and ending with the hug and free ticket my last day in France, to a friend on fb chat and it was such an epic story that I forgot it was true.  She thought it was over so many times and would be like WOW YOU'RE LIFE IS AMAZING and I'd be like BUCKLE UP KIDDO WE AREN'T EVEN AT THE GOOD PART YET.

And I realised again as I was telling the story that he's SUCH a good guy and I so often misrepresented him due to my crazy (cough cough Lyon entry about how much he hated me cough).  I was worried he'd come off looking like a total ass in my book, but I expect he'll be okay.

The thing that scares me about just how much information is going into this story is the fact that if it gets published there is like a one hundred percent chance that, if he ever hears it exists, Florent Mothe will read this book.  And he will know all the things that I'm not even comfortable telling my mother.  Haha.  (She's gonna find out too if the book gets published...)  Or, as the girls on the Florum so perfectly put it, "I was looking yesterday... in the bookstore... and by accident... I found your book?"


I'm going to shut up before I have to lock this entry.

So!  Things!  1.  Find out if that craigslist girl is worthy of living with Kelley, find out if I'm okay with living with two strangers, and also find out if letting a gay man take my room is a better and more plausible option.  2. Mail those dancer dolls.  3. Take some doll orders and get to knitting.  4. Go to the career services place on campus to get my résumé fixed up so I can put out more job applications and stuff.

I got my laptop fixed! My real laptop, not the teeny slow one!  I got my laptop fixed and I just got to reintroduce myself to my ITUNES which means ALL THE MUSIC I HAVE THAT ISN'T ABOUT MOR and and and and I am ROCKING OUT right now to No Good Deed Goes Unpunished and there's ABBA and Ke$ha and Jekyll & Hyde and it's just... THERE IS MORE TO LIFE AND I'M GONNA BE OKAY





Omg and like.  I love everything right now.  I haven't been this happy since I left Toulouse.

Also, I think in my book it should be a rock opera version of Dangerous Liaisons.  I am seriously thinking about calling it Les Liaisons DangeROCK or something equally ridiculous.  Valmont is a crazy glittery Italian, he has unnecessary amounts of UST with Chevalier Danceny because they rewrote the plot a little for the musical, and also Valmont's servant dude Azolan was on a reality show ten years ago and I'm his only fangirl.  Y/Y??



Oh Caen, you were a bizarre and unexpected and thoroughly awesome weekend.

Read more... )

And then I went home.

The only thing left for me is Toulouse...
After spending two days with some crazy wonderful German girls stalking the filming of the next series of Merlin at Pierrefonds (yep, I saw Colin and Bradley and the gang IN THE FLESH and then went off to bother Florent Mothe the next day) I swung back by my house in Paris, showered, changed, repacked, and set off for Rouen.
Read More... )




 Hey hey hey.

I made a filter so I wouldn't annoy everyone.  Also I've really had to lock down my journal more since I suddenly became like the most famous Mozart fan who writes a blog in English about stalking the Troupe everywhere ever.  I'll try not to go off on a rant about how my life isn't real and seriously I can't even believe my own stories even though I'm the person they happen to.

Anyway, so if you haven't seen all the weird conflicted posts lately that relate to my icon and you wish you could, leave me a comment.  And inversely, if you DO see them and you're tired of my wangst and indecision clogging your friends list, leave me a comment.  I won't be offended if you want off the list, so don't hesitate to be honest!

My Rouen saga is halfway complete and will be posted soon.  Today I bullied Flo into commenting on a picture I left on his facebook fanpage which resulted in me getting about ten friend requests and my head exploding a little, since according to his activity he's never ever done that before.  Then I got a random notification that, not to be outdone, Patrice had stalked my facebook and liked a Doctor Who fanvid an American friend had posted for me to watch.  I love my boys.

Anyway.  Let me know about your opinion on that filter!

If you have ever heard anyone say they had the best birthday ever, they are lying.  It is impossible.  Because I had the best birthday ever.  

And last year my friends parked a freaking TARDIS in front of the dorm.

Read more... )

Ahh.  I love all the things.
lesmisloony: (sad doctor)









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