OKAY so I started translating this GREAT 49 minute interview with the MOR Troupe in Russia (where they currently are), and it was amazing like, the mystery of Mikele's wristrags was explained and Flo saying he's better than Harry Potter and they talked about wanting to go to other cities and they were giggling and being precious AND I PAUSED IT 20 MINUTES IN TO MY TRANSLATION TO GO GET SOME RICE AND WHEN I CAME BACK THE VIDEO HAD BEEN REMOVED BY THE USER


Here is a translation of the first half of the conversation, complete with commentary on how cute they are by me.

Read more... )

And that's where I paused it to go get rice. JUST AS IT WAS GETTING GREAT! Anyway, we now know where Mikele lives, what the story is behind the wristrags, that Flo is a LOTR fan and a Potterhead, and THAT THERE WILL PROBABLY BE MORE OF THESE SYMPHONIC MOR CONCERTS IN THE FUTURE.


Read even more... )

And Melissa is about to talk about her album when the video ends.


ETA again: In a quest to drive me over a cliff into an abyss of madness, someone has found another twenty minutes of this interview.

Read the most... )
The Troupe says "bye-bye" into the camera and waves.
This is gonna have to be my new tradition. I also did 2009 and 2011.

Seems to me now that the dreams we had before are all dead, nothing more than confetti on the floor )

Ew I ended it on a sour note. Well this has been kind of a sour year. I mean for other people I guess it would be a fine year (minus nearly dying and finding out your friends don't care about you) but to fill out this quiz I was deleting my answers from LAST year when I had become the world's best groupie and recently been deflowered by my then-celebrity crush and followed that up with three first dates in one weekend, so like... deleting that and throwing in how stupid this year as been made me crankier and crankier.

Let's hope next year I'll be able to delete these answers and fill in something a lot perkier.
C'est demain le début de la fin (The beginning of the end is tomorrow)
La fin de cette histoire (The end of this story)
Qui nous tenait à l'écart (That kept us at an arm's length)
C'est encore la lueur de l'aurore (It's another gleam of dawn)
Encore une autre histoire (Yet another story)
A laquelle tu voudrais croire (That you'd like to believe in)

Et lève-toi contre le vent (And stand against the wind)
Sans écouter le bruit du temps (Without listening to the noise of the weather)
Soulève-toi pour un printemps (Raise yourself up for spring)
Voilà si longtemps que tu l'attends (You've waited for it for so long)

Allez viens c'est notre tour (Come on, it's our turn)
Viens faire valser leur discours (Come send their views away)

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Allez viens c'est le grand jour (Come on, it's the big day)
Allons danser dans leur cour (Let's go dance in their court)
Chanter le nouveau départ (Sing the new beginning)

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Allez viens sonner le tocsin (Come on, ring the bells)
Cette fois c'est bientôt la fin (This time it's almost the end)

C'est demain la fin de leur festin (The end of their feast is tomorrow)
L'effondrement d'un monde (The collapse of a world)
Qui ne voulait rien entendre (That didn't want to listen to anything)
Ose encore renverser leur décor (Keep daring to rip down their decor)
Nos rêves finiront bien (Our dreams will end well)
Par repousser sur les cendres (By dusting the ashes)

Un seul regard vers l'horizon (A single glance toward the horizon)
Ira plus loin que leur raison (Will go farther than their reason)
Prends le pouvoir dès maintenant (Take the power now)
Voilà si longtemps que tu l'attends (You've waited for this for so long)

Allez viens c'est notre tour (Come on, it's our turn)
Viens faire valser leur discours (Come send their views away

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Allez viens c'est le grand jour (Come on, it's the big day)
Allons danser dans leur cour (Let's go dance in their court)
Chanter le nouveau départ (Sing the new beginning)

Viens prendre un nouveau départ (Come make a new start)

Allez viens sonner le tocsin (Come on, ring the bells)
Cette fois c'est bientôt la fin (This time it's almost the end)

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Entends-tu le vacarme (Do you hear the din)
De la rue qui s'enflamme (Of the street igniting)
Qui clame et déclame (Proclaiming and declaiming)

Entends-tu le ramdam (Do you hear the fuss)
De la nation qui blâme (Of the nation criticizing)

Qui clame, déclame (Proclaiming, declaiming)
Réclame et s'enflamme (Demanding and igniting)

Allez viens c'est notre tour (Come on, it's our turn)
Viens faire valser leur discours (Come send their views away)

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Allez viens c'est le grand jour (Come on, it's the big day)
Allons danser dans leur cour (Let's go dance in their court)
Chanter le nouveau départ (Sing the new beginning)

Viens prendre un nouveau départ (Come make a new start)

Allez viens sonner le tocsin (Come on, ring the bell)
Cette fois c'est vraiment la fin (This time it's really the end)

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Interesting choice, considering...

Allez viens (Come on)
C'est bientôt la fin (It's almost the end)
De ce monde (Of a world)
Qui n'entend rien (That doesn't listen to anything)
Allez viens (Come on)
Sonner le tocsin (Ring the bells)
Fais valser leurs vieux discours (Send their old views away)
Viens danser c'est notre tour (Come dance, it's our turn)

Ce soir c'est le grand soir (Tonight is the big night)
De velours nos rêves se parent (Our dreams seem like velvet)
On accourt pour un nouveau départ (We're rushing toward a new start)
Bien plus beau (Much more beautiful)
Bien plus beau, encore (Much more beautiful, again)

Aimons-nous sur leurs décombres (Let's love each other in their rubble)
Aimons-nous pour un nouveau monde (Let's love each other for a new world)

I mean, given that one song is called "C'est bientôt la fin" and the other is called "Allez viens (C'est bientôt la fin" we all knew this was going to happen. I'm just trying to figure out what the point is. Before I saw the lyrics I was half convinced that the 1789 one was saying "The new start is NOW!" and the MOR one was saying "The new start is coming", which would have been borderline diabolical, but now that I look at them written out they're pretty much saying the exact same thing.

Idk, I enjoyed 1789 (moreso the second time I saw it) and goodness knows I will rock out with a silly grin on my face to Au Palais Royal and Nous ne sommes, but I feel like a lot of the songs are just half-assed. The WORST is poor Roxane's song "Je vous rends mon âme"... it's like an even worse version of the song Anais sang as Lucy just before she died... Mauvaise fille d'une bonne famille I think? It's all weird squeezebox-sounding notes that force the singer to just depress me with awfulness. I love Anais and I am in love with Roxane, but those two songs are gross and disappointing. Now Je vous rends mon âme has gorgeous lyrics and means a lot, and I see how the Dracula one was poignant, but the tunes are just awful. Awful awful.

I see hard work in Je mise tout, on the other hand. We have all the wordplay we loved in MOR plus a ton of puns, a groovy tune, and a strong singer. But then, it's all but impossible to sing live. Twice I've seen Roxane miss her cue in concerts and have to come in on the second line, and once onstage she seemed flat. It's a great pop song, but not really a musical song.

Idk, I realized yesterday that I skip like 80% of the 1789 soundtrack, whereas with MOR when in the car I only skipped two or three songs habitually. And with Dracula I basically skip NOTHING because that soundtrack was made for jammin. With Adam et Eve I basically only listen to the finale (can't for the life of me think of its name right now) and Le meilleur.

I don't know why I made this post. Just killing time wondering why no trick-or-treaters are coming to eat this candy.
I'm having a hard time convincing myself to tell the story of my (probably) final encounters with the MOR Troupe from last Wednesday and my amazing PDS adventure from Sunday, so instead I'll say I saw 1789 again and I enjoyed it MUCH more the second time. Almost all of my questions/confusions were cleared up once I was capable of concentrating on the stage and hearing the dialogue. There are still some ridiculously silly moments and the chase scene is still way too long and I *still* hate freaking projections (if I wanted to watch I movie I'd go see a movie!) but it got me to thinking. So I've invented a new ratings system for my opinion of musicals and I'm sure EVERYONE will be DELIGHTED by that.

On a scale of 1-10, the things that are important to me are:
-use of dance/dancers
-acting talent
-singing talent
-use of projections

So let me rethink my ratings of ALL the French shows I've seen live!

Mozart l'Opéra Rock
Story: 8 (it's a little disjointed/uneven and a lot of the dialogue is sloppy but it's still an interesting and almost entirely-true story)
Songs: 10 (I think that's pretty clear)
Acting talent: 9 (I would have said 10 but then there's Mikele in the lead role)
Singing talent: 10 (considered bumping this down slightly cause Mikele's less awesome live but decided to give it to him since he's so fun to watch)
Sets: 9 (taking off a point for the pink wedding cloud, but otherwise it's a great use of columns, backdrops, and props to show tons of different spaces, and also I love the giant backstage framework)
Use of projections: 9 (hate the floating wedding scene flowers, love J'accuse mon père)
Use of dance/dancers: 10 (they never distract, they advance the plot, they work as extras, the choreography is organic and natural doesn't make you feel like you're watching a dance recital)
Costumes: 10 (they certainly aren't period-appropriate but that's the point of the rock thing, and i think it's best illustrated in the costumes--plus the dancers and guys show up once or twice in great period-appropriate looks)
Overall Score: 9.4

Story: 5 (VERY uneven, hate the use of voiceover letters to advance the plot, felt like I was going from song to song, can't tell where things are happening or how people are traveling so fast across Europe)
Acting talent: 6 (there are some heartbreakingly bad performances here, especially from Mina and Jonathan, our main characters)
Songs: 7 (took points off for terrible lyrics, but quite honestly I bloody love this soundtrack)
Singing talent: 8 (love the three stooges, don't love Jonathan/Marble Eyes/Julien AT ALL, cringed through most of his songs in fact, but man Lola is just a champion)
Sets: 8 (would have been t10 but I hate London as a white wall and I hated all the set pieces that looked like people-- also, minus one point for the "magic" wall alone)
Use of projections: 8 (projections as a backstory/setting change device? Totally down with that. Minus two points for the AWFUL 3D movie I had to sit through, though)
Use of dance/dancers: 2 (we know how I feel about acrobats in every scene and getting distracted by dancers instead of the plot, plus I HATE a tap-dancing man-beast as a scene change device so STOP IT OUALI! It's especially egregious since he used the EXACT SAME THING in Le Roi Soleil)
Costumes: 4 (I had to stop and think about this one cause some of the costumes are cool, but overall I just can't get behind slinky modern dresses in a Victorian piece, even if it is to make dancing easier. And Dracula's leggings were just NO. I don't even like Anais/Lucy's massive pink and red dress AT ALL. So no. I recognize the effort put into them, which is where the 5 comes from, but the only costumes I liked were Greggy D's and Lola's)
Overall Score: 6.0

Adam et Eve
Story: 2 (it was a good idea, but in the end the plot was worth fifteen minutes, not a 2+ hour musical)
Songs: 3 (I like Rien ne se finit, Le meilleur, Et dieu dans tout ça, and Ma bataille, but the whole rest of the show was just awful, and when the songs get stuck in your head they're there all day)
Acting talent: 8 (wooden, unlikeable lead)
Singing talent: 10 (yep, everyone was talented as can be)
Sets: 8 (that's right, I love one big stationary set that gets transformed into a million places, but I HATED the floating bubble prisons)
Use of projections: 1 (horrible. They get one point for the silly news broadcasts, but everything else was just abysmal, especially the screaming tattooed man during Game Over. Just bad)
Use of dance/dancers: 8 (this was a dance-heavy musical that I enjoyed, possibly because the plot was so thin, but I brought it down two points because a lot of the dance seemed same-y and silly, especially the Eden people having their elbows up over their faces and doing a Nazi walk)
Costumes: 4 (obviously the makeup WAS most of the costume in this show, so I'm mostly just giving them points for getting Nuno shirtless... the rest was basically a 70's yard sale)
Overall Score: 5.5

1789: Les Amants de la Bastille
Story: 6 (they tried to cover TOO much ground like with MOR, but here they took way too many liberties with history and then spent too much time on the lovers who, though in the title, are pretty boring)
Songs: 10 (love it)
Acting talent: 8 (it would be 9 but my issue is with Louis Delort from the Voice who is extremely forgettable onstage so I'm punishing them for taking that role away from Mathieu who is instantly fascinating and incredibly talented. -1 for Louis, -1 again for choosing Louis over Mathieu)
Singing talent: 8 (both Nathalia and my beloved Roxane have trouble not sounding flat/rough onstage, which could be attributed to the difficulty of their songs, but also Roddy J messed up his lyrics TWICE Sunday and he's one of the writers)
Sets: 4 (there basically ARE NONE, though there are a few good set pieces here and there like the printing press, but most of the illusion of a set is given by platforms, columns, and pieces of walls, which I dislike)
Use of projections: 4 (it works a few times, like in the dream sequences and when characters are walking somewhere, but it's especially egregious because the projections are visible ON THE ACTORS' COSTUMES)
Use of dance/dancers: 6 (they're a little too distracting part of the time. I don't need them to show off their backflips to me, just shut up and be onstage)
Costumes: 8 (there's no reason for the hot actress playing the hot Polignac to be so ugly in her wig and costume. Also, there are just TOO MANY costumes in too many scenes and I can't understand why a lot of choices were made. How come the men change costume every three minutes and the women have to wear the same Je veux le monde dresses all through act two?)
Overall Score: 6.8

There we have it! So I guess it's only fair for me to say that Adam et Eve is my LEAST favorite of the PDS shows I've seen. I support that strongly. Time is making me kinder and kinder to Dracula... haha.
I saw the premiere of 1789 last night! I'm still overall unsure how I feel. I spent part of the show bored-ly peering around the room trying to spot MOR cast members in the audience (I'll do a separate post for that) and another part gaping in offended horror at the way they portrayed Marie Antoinette and Louis, and then a few parts genuinely enjoying myself. Overall I'd say the music is pretty much great, as are the costumes, but the choreography is kind of hit-or-miss (better than Dracula, maybe on par with Adam et Eve), the story is kinda all over the place, and I actually couldn't understand the vast majority of it because a) they talk fast and b) the music was usually louder than the singing, so we'll see how much I can remember.

I've learned that I'm kind of a grumpy old curmudgeon now in these MOR-less days, and since nothing has succeeded in winning my heart since the death of my show, I just assume everything sucks. My life is sad here in France. I'm basically a ghost. But soon I'll have a fresh start!

On s'en moque moque moque moque moque moque moque moque )

Anyway, I know it's a dodgy recap but I figured I'd share with you as soon as possible because I know a lot of people are itching to know what's going on over here. Also seeing this show was the only reason I prolonged my stay in France an extra two months. Now I've gotten everything accomplished that I wanted and I'm ready to call it quits with this lovely country. I don't know yet if I want to see 1789 again. Tickets aren't cheap and my funds are pretty limited. Plus I had enough trouble sitting through it at the premier... I got antsy A LOT and actually groaned a few times when I realized act one wasn't over yet. It might have been because I knew a lot of MOR people were in the room and was eager to hunt them down, or it might have been because the show dragged a little.

My overall feeling is this: when I watched MOR, I was excited about every notion of it. At the end of the show I wanted to punch my fist in the air and take on the world. That's the show that told me to vivre à en crever and gave me the magic words "place je passe" that were my mantra during this past difficult year as an au pair. I can tell you the messages of that show in a heartbeat. It means so much.

But what did this show mean?

During curtain call at one point I realized that I was only one row of people away from the stage, and in my head the sentence "It's weird how much I don't CARE" formed. I respect everyone involved in the show and hope it sees so much success and Dove can get one of those Scrooge McDuck gold pools, but... I don't care about it very much. My PDS groupie days are over. And I'm very okay with that.

Next stop: New York City!
lesmisloony: (poking DoctorDonna)
For some reason I've been obsessed with planning tattoos I will probably never get for myself.

The one I have was a special flower situation. It's over a year old now and I still love everything about it except how hard it is to find sandals to show it off.

I wanted place je passe on my side but I drew it there and didn't like it much, so I divorced that idea. Now I've decided I want "und will ich die Sterne dann finde ich selbst dorthin" from Elisabeth somewhere (it means like "and if I want the stars I'll find my own way to them") because it basically has the same effect on my soul as "place je passe" and I've already given MOR my heart and my virginity and my foot so maybe I should chill out.

Anyway yeah, I want that and I'm playing with an image of Rose Tyler as the bad wolf with her glowing eyes to go along with it, something like this, because like MOR I realize now that the era of Dr Who that I loved so much is firmly and totally over and I'm living in the past. And because Rose is my favorite companion because she was a spoiled, selfish, normal girl with a shitty job and average intellegence, but when she wanted to save the thing she loved she tore apart the time vortex and would have sacrificed herself for what was right. Also I am WAY attracted to Billie Piper and love everything about her as a real person.

I think that quote fits with Rose and I like it. And I want this high up on my thigh, toward the outside of it, so any skirt I own will hide it when necessary.

Except I have tattoo laws for myself now. Since my ideas change every few minutes, I have to consistently want something for a full year before I can start considering getting it. Tattoos are a big commitment, yo. But I think it'd be fun to have one with a picture now.

I know I remember myself being like OW OH SHIT THE PAIN I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN last time but I guess I'm having the sort of denial that makes people have second babies. Anyway the last one was on my foot and that's a particularly horrible area for pain anyway.

Idk, I'm going to sleep now.
Here's an update while I continue to procrastinate from sleeping for no reason!

My mom told me if I can condense my stuff down to three suitcases to avoid baggage fees, she'll buy me a whole new wardrobe when I get home! So I'm doing crazy stuff like giving away clothes I don't wear enough, giving all my shoes to the American student living here, throwing away the cases to my Sims games and keeping them in a zippy CD case thing, and knitting for the first time since Bercy in an effort to use up my yarn! Also, I've seen nine and a half seasons of Friends in a little less than three weeks.

Started stagedooring 1789 yesterday. I saw Yamin, who teased me and said wow nice tan and I was like b-b-but I dont get tans and he was like yeah I was kidding and i was like ohhhh. Also saw a very beardy Solal on a red scooter who was looking for Yamin. Also met Danton, or David Ban, and he was super nice!!! Also, it seems like Roddy J is ALREADY sick of fans, which makes me sad because when I saw him a year ago at the MOR reunion concert he was SO PRECIOUS AND CHARMING but now he always has a look on his face like he's anxiously waiting for you to shut up and stop bothering him. Boo Roddy J, I mean really what did you expect. Also, the little Dracula understudy named Sebastien who I didn't want to love, IS SO SWEET. And the new guy who replaced Mathieu has a lot of tattoos, including all over his neck... huh. OH and Tamara smiled and waved at me! She's so pretty and nice gah.

ALSO I WILL VERY LIKELY BE ABLE TO FIND AND SAY GOODBYE TO MY MIKELE ON SEPTEMBER 15TH. As for Flo... I just hope I'll catch him when 1789 starts up.

Alright, and about masters stuff, I started looking at the courses required for the translation masters at NYU that I was initially interested in, and after the first TWO it all becomes accounting and contracts and patents and my soul died just thinking about it. I don't have a good head for reality. THEN I discovered a literary translation master ALSO at NYU, but it was two semesters in NYC and then a summer program in... PARIS. And I was like GAH I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO GO BACK TO PARIS (though secretly it sounded amazing) and I was telling the family that's hosting my right now and they were like "Oh that's easy, just come live with us again!" I LOVE THESE PEOPLE.

But now I'm worrying again, because I never intended to do higher education and now I realize how badly I need to. But my GPA was 2.76, and apparently 3.0 is low for NYU standards. I could probably kick ass on the GRE (I'm not stupid, I just made a lot of dumb decisions in college including playing the Sims during class... often) and I have a lot of experience and could probably write a good letter of motivation or whatever in order to prove that I've changed in the what-will-have-been two years since getting my French degree... geez.

Anyway, so I don't know how coherent that was, but it was an update! I've been really hungry ever since I closed my bank account. I went from constantly eating everything in the pantry of the family I worked for to eating less than two meals a day because I don't want to spend all my money and I don't want to take advantage of the amazing family that's hosting me right now. My mom is sending my resume to places that'll hire me for "seasonal work" while I'm in North Carolina.

Oh I'm still typing? Okay sorry. I'll sleep now. Going stagedooring again tomorrow!
lesmisloony: (amazing Richmond)
Okay, update

So, about a month ago I went to Lille to stalk down the MOR Troupette for their teeny reunion.

Read more... )

Okay, I have to deal with my job for a bit, so I'll tell my second and slightly less-interesting Lille story later.

I got my OFII appointment!

After March 15th I will no longer be illegally in France! I will be able to get my health insurance! Maybe I'll even go see a doctor about how I've been coughing since the beginning of January!

You know what's kind of weird? I think I've finally turned back into a normal citizen of the earth. During my groupie days I felt like it was my responsibility to blog about and share everything that happened in my life. I needed you guys' feedback in order to know how to continue because as a groupie I wasn't really doing stuff for my own life, but kind of living just to serve as an avatar for internet people. I was even totally okay with detailing losing my virginity to a famous man because it just seemed normal to share everything with everyone.

But lately I've been able to make decisions concerning my life without waiting for the internet's approval. I would be really uncomfortable sharing some of the details of my private life now because I don't feel like it's someone else's business.

And on a higher level, Vincent over here has given me the urge to start reading again, to remember some of my abandoned fandoms and the things I used to do with my free time before I totally lost myself to MOR. Obviously MOR is still my favorite thing ever, but it's not my whole world anymore. I've been able to develop aspirations and hobbies of my own. As I told my mom, he's making me remember who I was before I became The Accidental Groupie. It's nice. I'm normal again.

Of course, this also means that I'm doing a shit job of being a groupie. I still haven't gotten that floto with Nuno, for instance... but one of these days I'll drag my sorry ass over to the PDS and hunt that man down. Probably. I do still want to see the dernière of Adam et Eve, so there's that! And in May I'm going to Lille to see a concert where Flo will be! Once a groupie, always a groupie. But I'm not JUST a lost little groupie anymore. I'm also a real live human being.
Just wanted to stop by real quick and say that Thursday and Friday went wonderfully for the most part! I played with the kids so hard that both my knees are super bruised, no one fought with me, I passed moments chatting with the grandparents, an uncle who lives in Germany showed up and was incredibly nice, etc etc etc

On Friday the four-year-old crawled into my lap every change he get and ended up telling me I'm his girlfriend and he loves me and wanted me to sit next to him at the surprise birthday party for his dad. Then the eight-year-old was dancing around saying "I love Ehreen I love Ehreen I love Ehreen". The grandparents must have drugged them or something because I've NEVER seen them be that adorable with me. I felt like a super badass.

Of course, things went a little awry around 1:30 am. The surprise party was alright. There were 30 people, about half of whom I recognized and about two of whom I felt comfortable talking to if the approached me first. I chatted with anyone who started a conversation with me, and when I tried to talk to the last-year-au-pair, she told me I was tipsy because I was talking so much. Alright, sorry for trying to be nice.

Then everyone started dancing, so I went and sat in a corner and watching and laughed and clapped. People kept telling me to dance but, like... dancing in front of strangers is not a fun pasttime for me. I feel clumsy and stressed. I spent most of the night texting Vincent, who was at a party for a coworker. The people trying to drag me out onto the floor (including my host mom, the grandmother, the last-year-au-pair, and even the damn DJ!) wouldn't stop, so I went into the kitchen and washed dishes for a while.

Eventually I ended up collapsed on a chair making a sleepy face and wishing everyone would go home, but when I heard the kids' favorite song come on and saw them all rush over to the DJ I got to my feet. The DJ handed them a microphone and I was all happy and supportive of them while they sang in front of the crowd. Then I saw my host mom whispering something to the DJ.

As soon as the kids' song ended... L'Assasymphonie came on. On one hand it was kinda almost touching that she thought of me, but on the other hand I DON'T WANT TO PERFORM FOR THESE STRANGERS. Especially a song THAT emotional geez. And the host mom shoves the microphone into my hand and is like "for six months you've been torturing us with this song, so now sing it!" but I just held the microphone and laughed uncomfortably and tried to get the kids to sing with me but they all refused. I didn't know what to do, but I honestly couldn't have made myself sing in front of those people. I have never realized how LONG L'Assasymphonie is.

When it ended, the eight-year-old, bless her precious heart, asked the DJ to play Ça ira mon amour, which is a song all three kids (including the little one) know perfectly. Unfortunately, it was 1h30 then and the boys were too tired to participate, so the girl held the mic and I sort of sang next to her (which resulted in my host mom yelling that I needed to put the microphone closer to my mouth cause she couldn't hear me). It was so embarrassing. Afterwards I went over to the little one and asked why he hadn't sung, and he kicked me and told me to go away. Sleepy. Meanwhile someone asked me host mom to sing and she said she didn't want to. No one had a problem with this.

Then a man I hadn't exchanged any words with and had never seen before in my life came up to say good night, since he was leaving. I bisou'd him obendiently and then he yelled into my ear in French over the music, "Americans are supposed to be fun and dance and sing. You're not doing a good job representing your country." I was taken aback, but I sort of went, "Ok?" and smiled the way I always smile at assholes. Then he added in English "Next time, I hope to see you do better." and he said good night and left.


That was just too much humiliation. I went to my room and cried while the dumbass party raged on. When I texted Vincent about it he left the bar where *his* party was happening so he could call me and understand why I was upset and try to cheer me up. Even though he was quite drunk. At 2am. It was the nicest thing a guy has ever done for me.

Anyway, I'm off to his place for Dr Who and home-made sushi. Have a good weekend, Internet!
The last few days have been really tough.

I kind of wounded my back somehow about a week ago--my lower back, just at the base of my spine.  And ever since I've had varying degrees of shoulder and neck pain/stiffness.  This weekend I couldn't turn my head at all.  It's torture.  My host family is sympathetic and has put me on Doliprane, a French painkiller, but it only works like 70% and it also makes me really nauseous or... something I can't describe.

The worst thing is, every time I'm left alone with my thoughts they get really dark.  I think I am finally starting to look around me and see that my groupie days are over, my obsession with Patrice is over, and I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't know what I want.  I am looking forward to three things: Christmas at German Lara's house (next weekend), seeing Adam & Eve (in a little over a month), and 1789 (in less than a year).  After that... nothing.  It's like my life is a ten minute youtube video and it's only managed to buffer the first minute.  I don't know what to look forward to after that.  I don't have any career aspirations or anything.  Whenever I see how happy my host family is surrounded by family and life-long friends I ask what the hell I think I'm doing out here alone in a foreign country prowling around dating sites for company and texting people who don't feel the need to answer.  I love Europe and I love France and I love Paris, but I'm just getting so scared and so overwhelmed.  I don't miss the United States at all, but wouldn't it be easier?

I can't give up and go back, though, because here I at least have a plan for another year.  I submitted my TAPIF application and will find out what they say at the beginning of April.  Everyone who knows about the program assures me that I'll get Paris (or a suburb) since I have so much experience living here and speaking French and blah blah.  Plus I've found a program that hooks students up with a lonely old person with a huge house in Paris: you live in a spare room and pay something like €21 a month and all the old person asks is that you eat dinner with them and tell them about your day.  I LOVE old people.  That would be ideal for me as long as they found me a suitable geezer and as long as my person didn't DIE before our year was up.  I would even make an awesome PROFIT from TAPIF if I could do that!

If I went home... I have no idea.  I wouldn't be growing or moving forward.  I wouldn't know where to start looking for a job or future.  Literally, I wouldn't know WHERE to look.  My hometown?  My college town?  New York City?  Some random city I find by throwing a dart at a map?  No, at least here I have a path for next year.  At least here I CAN do stuff if I want.  At least here I have a place in society, even if that place has become slightly obsolete without MOR.

Anyway.  Scared, depressed, sore, unsure.  And sore.  REALLY sore.  I'm at a point in my life where for the first time mortality is really starting to scare me.

Also, I have found that I can no longer make ANY life decisions without running it by other people first.  Even my Sims game I screencap new developments so I can tell everyone (no one cares) about it.  I haven't started applying for the living-with-an-old-person thing because I haven't had enough friends encourage me to do so yet.  In any case I should probably wait till April, because if I don't get TAPIF then I'm going to have to stay with this host family for another year.

My sore back kept me indoors last Monday, and I skipped stagedooring La Chanson de l'Année.  I went for a few hours during the afternoon and saw Christophe Maé, Shy'm, Seal, and Bénabar going in to rehearsals.  If I had come back and waited to catch people as they left I could have seen the troupes of Adam & Eve and 1789.  I could have gotten flotos.  But I stayed here and laid across my bed and thought about how scared I was until I cried.

One year ago today I saw them for the first time. My hands were shaking so hard. I never imagined that one day I would speak to them. Or be kissed and hugged by them. Or have them use facebook to tease me.

And on Monday? Well, we all know what's going to happen Monday.


Flo definitely loved me. And Mikele must have too, but he just kind of falls in love with everyone the moment he meets them...

I have the best life. Even right now when I'm cramping and my white tights are all smudgy looking.
Mozart l'Opéra Rock gives me so many emotions.

I listen to it all the time still, as I have done for two and a half years now. But whenever I stop and think about an aspect of seeing the show live I get all gaspy in my lungs and wonder if I'm about to cry. It's not a sad feeling really, it's just kind of an absurd amount of love.

I've had this nagging desire to watch videos of Flo talking to me at the stage door lately, but I know as soon as I hear his speaking voice again I'll have too many heart spasms to deal with.

November 7th is getting closer and closer. What if I don't get to see Flo or Mikele? What if they don't recognize me? What if I don't have time to speak to them? What should I wear? How quickly can I get there?

When I see the 3D movie I'll probably weep the whole time. Not because I'm sad that I miss the show, but because I love it. It changed so many things about who I am and it made me so much better.

I remember when I used to think it was good fun but silly. Now I tell myself I'm a widow because it's over.

I'm not upset that it's over. I don't have money or time anymore, so I couldn't follow it and knowing it was happening without me would kill me. I'm so satisfied with what I accomplished last semester. I miss it, but I'm ready to move on.

I'm also ready to own a DVD of this 3D version. I want MY version of MOR, I want the Flonytail and Laurie and "Don Juan, reprends-toi!". I want Yamin's adlibs and I want Jonathan and Bénédicte and I want it to all be clear, not one of my videos with my giggling underneath and my camera's terrible inability to focus.

This is a pointless entry. I just wanted to say I love Mozart l'Opéra Rock for those of us who forgot.
Well obviously I have a lot I need to post about after yesterday, but I don't know if I'll have time to give it the detail it deserves. It was a heck of a ridiculous day.

First, I went to meet some friends at the PDS, where one of them was holding a sign saying we needed tickets. There were four of us, and the tickets were GIVEN to us. We went in for free.

Tu voudrais pas qu'on s'salisse, qu'on s'fasse les vendanges... DA NA, NANA NA NA, DA NA, NANA NA NA! )

Unfortunately, I saw every single fan I'd been trying to avoid there (except my old pal A-Crazy). I was so unaffected by the show and uncomfortable being around those fans that I decided to skip the stage door and head on over to Le Manoir de Paris, a haunted house where my beloved Patrice Maktav was rumoured to be playing Sweeney Todd.

In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats )

So that was my ridiculous day. Every time I leave the house something ridiculous happens to me. That's why I love living in Paris.

(Before you leave your comment, remember that this is an unlocked post. This isn't.)
Okay, so I think it's been a long time since I posted an unlocked entry. My life is pretty busy most of the time, which I'm getting used to. It feels better than lying around on a futon all summer crying over flotos.

Speaking of crying over flotos, there is to be a MOR reunion concert on Monday November 7th around 10pm and guess who bought her ticket one hour after the announcement was made! I saw the news and literally started bouncing up and down and crying. ON SE REVERRA BITCHES. The parents are usually home by 7, which is dinner time, or 8 at the latest... if the mom gets home before dinner I'll ask if I can leave RIGHT THEN. The doors open at 9h30 and it'll take me a half an hour to get there but I don't want there to be any chance that I might not see them in person. It's free placement too, so if I get there early enough I can get right up in their faces. I'm hoping that since it's so late on a Monday night a lot of fans won't be able to come since a lot of the craziest ones weren't from Paris.

I also already have tickets to see MOR in 3D with German Lara. There's only ONE SCREENING in Paris! It would be fantastic if that meant awesome people would be there. You know they'll look cute in 3D glasses.

Speaking of seeing awesome people who look cute I finally got to see Patrice Maktav last Monday. I'm not sure how much of what he said I'm allowed to repeat, but I guess I can reveal that it looks unlikely that he'll be in Robin Hood but he DOES have plans to be in another show. He seemed kind of sure he would be in it but I don't think it's confirmed yet. He also wants to put out a CD of new songs. And he's still a sweetheart.

As for the host family, I know I was recently moaning about the mom lecturing me, and the other day I told the dad I needed to clean my room and at the end of the day he had seen it and agreed that it needed cleaning, but he chose to express that through a long speech about how when I get a job someday I'll have to be more organized than that and they're trying to teach the kids to clean up after themselves so I have to set them an example and blah blah blah. The thing is, the host family is very nice. They're just preachy. They want to make me be just like them since I'm living with them. Let me tell you something though, my room is a little messy right now, I have a tendency to set things on the floor instead of getting out of bed and putting them on a table, I tend to put clothes I've only worn once in a pile on a chair rather than back in the drawer or closet, but the way this room looks right now? It is STELLAR compared to the norm. Guess there's no point in telling him that though.

The family is very nice, but they just think their way is always the right way and aren't really open to correction or alternatives. And because of the position I'm in, I usually just kind of agree. One interesting thing is my host mom told me how my life is nothing but MOR and then she told me that I never ask about their lives and I need to be interested in them. That weekend crazy stuff happened to me, I ended up getting into a food fight with Gregory Deck, the next day I went to hang with Patrice, the day after I went to Shakespeare and Co and played their piano... but I waited to share all those things till she asked. She never asked. So who isn't interested in anyone else's life? I just kept my silence at the table, made sure Nilou the Nightmare Child was eating, and waited.

Speaking of Nilou the Nightmare Child, we are thick as thieves these days. I'm not sure when it happened or how, but that kid loves me to death. We really get along and it's great. He doesn't always do what I ask, but I can eventually make baths and things happen without tears or too much complaining. We horseplay, I fling him around and tickle him, it's going really well. Even the dad commented that we have a very good relationship, he said Nilou never tells him "J'aime PAS Ehreen!" He didn't finish the thought, but I knew what he was thinking... I have finally beaten Shantelle the Miracleworker at something. He was saying that it's easier for me to get along with Nilou this year since the other two kind of take care of themselves, and sure, I agree with that. Sometimes in the morning when he's still sulky he'll go "T'es PAS ma copine!" and I go "Ohhhhh nooooo!" and he flails a hand in my direction and one minute later he gets over it. More importantly, he is OBSESSED with C'est bientôt la fin. He constantly asks me "Est-ce que tu peux mettre Mozart dehors?" which translates as Can you put Mozart outside but he means can you put on the video where Mozart is outside... haha. And last time he was kind of trying to hum along. Then he asked to watch it again and spent the whole time poking the screen and going "C'est qui?" and I go "Melissa!" or whoever and he goes "J'aime bien elle!" Then he started just going "J'aime bien elle, j'aime bien lui, j'aime bien lui" (which is I like her, I like him, I like him) and when Flo came on he goes "C'est qui?" and I went "FLOWWWWW" and he goes "J'aime PAS lui!" and I went "Nooooooo! It's Flo, I LOVE Flo, I LLLLLOVE HIM!" and Nilou was like "Lui je l'aime PAS!" and I went NOOOOOO and it was actually really funny. When it was the whole crowd at the end he said he likes all of them, then asked me which was Flo and when I pointed he went Je n'aime pas lui!" it was SO funny.

Nilou has also started also repeating my English all the time, which I love. He found a stick in the park and said "Ça c'est big!" and when I go That's enough he says "Non c'est pas nuff!" It's very fun. I'm also giving English lessons on Saturdays to a neighbor kid, and she is ADORABLE. She seems to learn quickly and it's surprisingly easy for me to figure out what to teach her next. I make €13 for amusing myself for an hour with her.

Making dinner is getting easier, Mimi and I baked a cake together last Wednesday and, even though we were translating the recipe from cups to centiliters and kind of guessing at times it came out alright. A little bit chewier than a cake should be, but hella delicious. On Wednesday the mom left on a business trip and I was in charge of getting the kids to their various practices and getting dinner on the table until Friday night. It went beautifully.

Yesterday after the English lesson I decided to go into Paris and just kill time on my own for a while. I went to Les Saveurs and got a long sandwich, a piece of apple pie, and some Minute Maid, and I ate them in the jardin du Luxembourg, which I hadn't been to in a while. Then I went up by the Seine and sat in Shakespeare and Co reading The Giver until some douchebag got off the piano, and I played MOR and LM for an hour and a half. Then I went to the little park next door to finish reading and got hit on by a random dude who was kind of cute but had really short hair. To escape that situation I said I had to go and I went to Les Halles where I got some new tights in darker colors, then I came home for dinner. No one asked how my day had been or where I had gone. I don't mind that, just... don't tell me I only exist in terms of MOR and that I need to ask people questions about their lives unless you're planning to ask me questions about MY life every once in a while.

I do miss having friends who answer text messages... like, when I see something funny or something weird happens I want to be able to tell someone and get a reaction. One of the au pairs sometimes answers me. There's another one who never answers who I text sometimes, we hang out right after class. I also have three French friends from last year: Bénédicte from the Florum who gave me the extra backstage pass in Strasbourg, Laure who was in the bar with the Troupe trying to get me to dance in Caen, and Camille who always wants to speak English with me... but Laure and Camille live in another city, so I don't get to see much of them. Bénédicte and I got lunch last Friday, it was nice. She let me chatter incessantly and we went to a fancy sit-down restaurant with servers dressed in black and dim lighting and burgundy walls... it was a Pizza Hut. Oh France.

I really love being here. I like the solitary-ness, I like being able to wander out and do things on my own. I like pausing in the sidewalk and looking up at these old limestone buildings and thinking... my town is Paris. The town where I know how to get by, where I understand my life and where I never get lost no matter how aimlessly I wander... is Paris, France.

I think that after June finding a way to stay with my own little place would be perfect. I can do childcare, I can do English lessons... I just want to stay. I don't want to have to clean my room for a host family's sake or go out to prove that I have a life... I just want to be free to decide for myself.

I do worry a bit about the future since I'm living one year at a time, but usually in my life I know what to do next. I know when something strikes my fancy, and I'm waiting for that. When an opportunity shows up I can tell it's right and I go after it, but right now there isn't anything yet. I think the fact that I'm learning childcare and English lessons is meaningful, I think I'm starting off in a good place to keep getting enough work to get by. Sometimes I worry that I should be planning for the future, like my parents did and like these host parents did, and start training for a career, but I genuinely don't even have a clue where I'd want to start. I hope that when I'm old I don't regret not looking harder for a way to settle down, but honestly I'm still learning how to live and I'm not ready for that yet.
So you guys remember me talking about how right before MOR came into my life I had let people make me become really negative and I was miserable all the time, blah blah?

Facebook does this thing where it digs up your old statuses now, and on this day in 2009 my status was:

...just slept through two classes. Someone pass the cyanide... I might as well sleep through the rest.

When I read that just now my eyes got HUGE and I thought, "That's a HORRIBLE thing to say!" I see the humor kind of, but still, joking about suicide...

Oh, and here's a picture I took with a friend from the hall around the same time:

The caption was: "This is the poster for Suicide Wednesday. Just end it all."

Also not cool, past self.

I met the other au pairs today, and they're pretty cool. I learned that I am definitely an introvert (or, as Kelley put it, an extroverted introvert) because as soon as the initial meeting was over and everyone was heading off in a group to grab food and get to know each other every fiber of my innards was screaming for me to find a way to go home and lie on this bed and refresh internet pages like I'm doing now. I had no reason though, so I stayed to get to know the girls. We grabbed some food at a Monop' and I sat there biting back the urge to force them all to listen to every stagedooring story I had. Then I fought the urge to be a know-it-all about Paris. Then I tried to subtly show off that my French is better than theirs (I don't mean to sound like a snotball, but I have a huge advantage having lived here for a year and having spent so much time gossipping with fans at the hotel doors. Also there was one girl who had been here ~*~two whole weeks~*~ and was from Canada so she immediately was acting all superior but she pronounced the "s" in "ils" every time... her French is about the equivalent of mine when I got here last year, maybe less). I'm used to being the strongest personality in a group, but the only way I could find to get these girls' attention was tell them about how recently I was a prude. They promised to corrupt me and one let me try her beer (beurk!).

It was a decent time, but after we browsed through two or three stores I finally made up an excuse and said I had to head home. I felt so relieved to be alone again. I did a good job socializing and they all seem very nice, but it's times like these that I realize just how much I love being left alone.
Our last ever parody...

I have my paperwork now!  She says she DID send it the first time, so I guess it was originally lost in the mail? I don't really know, nor do I care.  What's important is that she got me a bunch of documents in ONE DAY.  FROM PARIS.  As long as I keep an eye out, we'll be fine. 

I also have a Da Ponte wig.


It's made of toilet paper rolls, black paint, yarn, and hot glue.  Aw yeah.
 I love my tattoo so much.  I can't stop looking at it.

Also, my Frenchman messaged me telling me to make sure I call him when I get to Paris.

I am really excited about both of these things but I cannot tell my mom about either one.


Pictures and videos of the tattoo experience to come!  Though since I've been posting the picture everwhere I figure I can go ahead and say



It hurt a lot, but I didn't mind.


And I wore a tanktop again! Hmph.

January 2017

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