Hey guys,

For anyone who doesn't keep up with French gossip, there was an explosion at the Palais des Sports in Paris last night (Friday) only two and a half hours before what would have been the second performance of the new, revamped version of 1789: les amants de la Bastille.  Apparently someone was using a buzzsaw on some piece of set and a spark set off all the gunpowder they keep for the rifles/cannons they use during the show.  The resulting explosion caused a ceiling to collapse into a basement, shut down a big chunk of the Parisian tram system, and sent fifteen stagehands to the hospital.  Last I heard, five were in critical condition.  The actors and dancers who arrived early for rehearsal experienced some hearing damage and were physically knocked over by the force of the explosion, but none were kept at the hospital as they weren't as close to the blast as the stagehands.

Here's where you come in.  Most of the stagehands working on 1789 were the same stagehands who worked on MOR, so I know their faces but never spoke to them, and I feel like I've been punched in the gut.  Making matters worse are the posts I'm seeing from certain French fans expressing relief that it was "just the stagehands" who were hurt.  Five of them are in critical condition.

As such, tumblr user aquoitudanses had the idea to pull together a project for these injured members of the team, and I volunteered to take charge.  Basically, if you have a spare moment, please write a little note of support for the injured stagehands and their families (you can write it in any language you want, but please provide an English transcription if it's not already in English or French so I can do subtitles).  You can scan the note, turn it into a graphic, put it on a poster and take a picture of yourself holding it, or read it aloud in a short video.  Even if you just write #staystrong1789, the hashtag Sébastien Agius used for a very moving graphic he posted earlier in the evening, every little bit helps.  However, I'd really like it if you could make note of your country/state so the team knows that their work has touched people all over the world, and that essentially the whole world is rooting for them.

Please send images and videos to me at lesmisloony at yahoo.com by Sunday night (EST-ish) so I can pull a video together and start trying to get them to see it.
C'est demain le début de la fin (The beginning of the end is tomorrow)
La fin de cette histoire (The end of this story)
Qui nous tenait à l'écart (That kept us at an arm's length)
C'est encore la lueur de l'aurore (It's another gleam of dawn)
Encore une autre histoire (Yet another story)
A laquelle tu voudrais croire (That you'd like to believe in)

Et lève-toi contre le vent (And stand against the wind)
Sans écouter le bruit du temps (Without listening to the noise of the weather)
Soulève-toi pour un printemps (Raise yourself up for spring)
Voilà si longtemps que tu l'attends (You've waited for it for so long)

Allez viens c'est notre tour (Come on, it's our turn)
Viens faire valser leur discours (Come send their views away)

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Allez viens c'est le grand jour (Come on, it's the big day)
Allons danser dans leur cour (Let's go dance in their court)
Chanter le nouveau départ (Sing the new beginning)

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Allez viens sonner le tocsin (Come on, ring the bells)
Cette fois c'est bientôt la fin (This time it's almost the end)

C'est demain la fin de leur festin (The end of their feast is tomorrow)
L'effondrement d'un monde (The collapse of a world)
Qui ne voulait rien entendre (That didn't want to listen to anything)
Ose encore renverser leur décor (Keep daring to rip down their decor)
Nos rêves finiront bien (Our dreams will end well)
Par repousser sur les cendres (By dusting the ashes)

Un seul regard vers l'horizon (A single glance toward the horizon)
Ira plus loin que leur raison (Will go farther than their reason)
Prends le pouvoir dès maintenant (Take the power now)
Voilà si longtemps que tu l'attends (You've waited for this for so long)

Allez viens c'est notre tour (Come on, it's our turn)
Viens faire valser leur discours (Come send their views away

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Allez viens c'est le grand jour (Come on, it's the big day)
Allons danser dans leur cour (Let's go dance in their court)
Chanter le nouveau départ (Sing the new beginning)

Viens prendre un nouveau départ (Come make a new start)

Allez viens sonner le tocsin (Come on, ring the bells)
Cette fois c'est bientôt la fin (This time it's almost the end)

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Entends-tu le vacarme (Do you hear the din)
De la rue qui s'enflamme (Of the street igniting)
Qui clame et déclame (Proclaiming and declaiming)

Entends-tu le ramdam (Do you hear the fuss)
De la nation qui blâme (Of the nation criticizing)

Qui clame, déclame (Proclaiming, declaiming)
Réclame et s'enflamme (Demanding and igniting)

Allez viens c'est notre tour (Come on, it's our turn)
Viens faire valser leur discours (Come send their views away)

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Allez viens c'est le grand jour (Come on, it's the big day)
Allons danser dans leur cour (Let's go dance in their court)
Chanter le nouveau départ (Sing the new beginning)

Viens prendre un nouveau départ (Come make a new start)

Allez viens sonner le tocsin (Come on, ring the bell)
Cette fois c'est vraiment la fin (This time it's really the end)

Sur le parvis de l'espoir (In the courtyard of hope)

Interesting choice, considering...

Allez viens (Come on)
C'est bientôt la fin (It's almost the end)
De ce monde (Of a world)
Qui n'entend rien (That doesn't listen to anything)
Allez viens (Come on)
Sonner le tocsin (Ring the bells)
Fais valser leurs vieux discours (Send their old views away)
Viens danser c'est notre tour (Come dance, it's our turn)

Ce soir c'est le grand soir (Tonight is the big night)
De velours nos rêves se parent (Our dreams seem like velvet)
On accourt pour un nouveau départ (We're rushing toward a new start)
Bien plus beau (Much more beautiful)
Bien plus beau, encore (Much more beautiful, again)

Aimons-nous sur leurs décombres (Let's love each other in their rubble)
Aimons-nous pour un nouveau monde (Let's love each other for a new world)

I mean, given that one song is called "C'est bientôt la fin" and the other is called "Allez viens (C'est bientôt la fin" we all knew this was going to happen. I'm just trying to figure out what the point is. Before I saw the lyrics I was half convinced that the 1789 one was saying "The new start is NOW!" and the MOR one was saying "The new start is coming", which would have been borderline diabolical, but now that I look at them written out they're pretty much saying the exact same thing.

Idk, I enjoyed 1789 (moreso the second time I saw it) and goodness knows I will rock out with a silly grin on my face to Au Palais Royal and Nous ne sommes, but I feel like a lot of the songs are just half-assed. The WORST is poor Roxane's song "Je vous rends mon âme"... it's like an even worse version of the song Anais sang as Lucy just before she died... Mauvaise fille d'une bonne famille I think? It's all weird squeezebox-sounding notes that force the singer to just depress me with awfulness. I love Anais and I am in love with Roxane, but those two songs are gross and disappointing. Now Je vous rends mon âme has gorgeous lyrics and means a lot, and I see how the Dracula one was poignant, but the tunes are just awful. Awful awful.

I see hard work in Je mise tout, on the other hand. We have all the wordplay we loved in MOR plus a ton of puns, a groovy tune, and a strong singer. But then, it's all but impossible to sing live. Twice I've seen Roxane miss her cue in concerts and have to come in on the second line, and once onstage she seemed flat. It's a great pop song, but not really a musical song.

Idk, I realized yesterday that I skip like 80% of the 1789 soundtrack, whereas with MOR when in the car I only skipped two or three songs habitually. And with Dracula I basically skip NOTHING because that soundtrack was made for jammin. With Adam et Eve I basically only listen to the finale (can't for the life of me think of its name right now) and Le meilleur.

I don't know why I made this post. Just killing time wondering why no trick-or-treaters are coming to eat this candy.
I'm having a hard time convincing myself to tell the story of my (probably) final encounters with the MOR Troupe from last Wednesday and my amazing PDS adventure from Sunday, so instead I'll say I saw 1789 again and I enjoyed it MUCH more the second time. Almost all of my questions/confusions were cleared up once I was capable of concentrating on the stage and hearing the dialogue. There are still some ridiculously silly moments and the chase scene is still way too long and I *still* hate freaking projections (if I wanted to watch I movie I'd go see a movie!) but it got me to thinking. So I've invented a new ratings system for my opinion of musicals and I'm sure EVERYONE will be DELIGHTED by that.

On a scale of 1-10, the things that are important to me are:
-use of dance/dancers
-acting talent
-singing talent
-use of projections

So let me rethink my ratings of ALL the French shows I've seen live!

Mozart l'Opéra Rock
Story: 8 (it's a little disjointed/uneven and a lot of the dialogue is sloppy but it's still an interesting and almost entirely-true story)
Songs: 10 (I think that's pretty clear)
Acting talent: 9 (I would have said 10 but then there's Mikele in the lead role)
Singing talent: 10 (considered bumping this down slightly cause Mikele's less awesome live but decided to give it to him since he's so fun to watch)
Sets: 9 (taking off a point for the pink wedding cloud, but otherwise it's a great use of columns, backdrops, and props to show tons of different spaces, and also I love the giant backstage framework)
Use of projections: 9 (hate the floating wedding scene flowers, love J'accuse mon père)
Use of dance/dancers: 10 (they never distract, they advance the plot, they work as extras, the choreography is organic and natural doesn't make you feel like you're watching a dance recital)
Costumes: 10 (they certainly aren't period-appropriate but that's the point of the rock thing, and i think it's best illustrated in the costumes--plus the dancers and guys show up once or twice in great period-appropriate looks)
Overall Score: 9.4

Story: 5 (VERY uneven, hate the use of voiceover letters to advance the plot, felt like I was going from song to song, can't tell where things are happening or how people are traveling so fast across Europe)
Acting talent: 6 (there are some heartbreakingly bad performances here, especially from Mina and Jonathan, our main characters)
Songs: 7 (took points off for terrible lyrics, but quite honestly I bloody love this soundtrack)
Singing talent: 8 (love the three stooges, don't love Jonathan/Marble Eyes/Julien AT ALL, cringed through most of his songs in fact, but man Lola is just a champion)
Sets: 8 (would have been t10 but I hate London as a white wall and I hated all the set pieces that looked like people-- also, minus one point for the "magic" wall alone)
Use of projections: 8 (projections as a backstory/setting change device? Totally down with that. Minus two points for the AWFUL 3D movie I had to sit through, though)
Use of dance/dancers: 2 (we know how I feel about acrobats in every scene and getting distracted by dancers instead of the plot, plus I HATE a tap-dancing man-beast as a scene change device so STOP IT OUALI! It's especially egregious since he used the EXACT SAME THING in Le Roi Soleil)
Costumes: 4 (I had to stop and think about this one cause some of the costumes are cool, but overall I just can't get behind slinky modern dresses in a Victorian piece, even if it is to make dancing easier. And Dracula's leggings were just NO. I don't even like Anais/Lucy's massive pink and red dress AT ALL. So no. I recognize the effort put into them, which is where the 5 comes from, but the only costumes I liked were Greggy D's and Lola's)
Overall Score: 6.0

Adam et Eve
Story: 2 (it was a good idea, but in the end the plot was worth fifteen minutes, not a 2+ hour musical)
Songs: 3 (I like Rien ne se finit, Le meilleur, Et dieu dans tout ça, and Ma bataille, but the whole rest of the show was just awful, and when the songs get stuck in your head they're there all day)
Acting talent: 8 (wooden, unlikeable lead)
Singing talent: 10 (yep, everyone was talented as can be)
Sets: 8 (that's right, I love one big stationary set that gets transformed into a million places, but I HATED the floating bubble prisons)
Use of projections: 1 (horrible. They get one point for the silly news broadcasts, but everything else was just abysmal, especially the screaming tattooed man during Game Over. Just bad)
Use of dance/dancers: 8 (this was a dance-heavy musical that I enjoyed, possibly because the plot was so thin, but I brought it down two points because a lot of the dance seemed same-y and silly, especially the Eden people having their elbows up over their faces and doing a Nazi walk)
Costumes: 4 (obviously the makeup WAS most of the costume in this show, so I'm mostly just giving them points for getting Nuno shirtless... the rest was basically a 70's yard sale)
Overall Score: 5.5

1789: Les Amants de la Bastille
Story: 6 (they tried to cover TOO much ground like with MOR, but here they took way too many liberties with history and then spent too much time on the lovers who, though in the title, are pretty boring)
Songs: 10 (love it)
Acting talent: 8 (it would be 9 but my issue is with Louis Delort from the Voice who is extremely forgettable onstage so I'm punishing them for taking that role away from Mathieu who is instantly fascinating and incredibly talented. -1 for Louis, -1 again for choosing Louis over Mathieu)
Singing talent: 8 (both Nathalia and my beloved Roxane have trouble not sounding flat/rough onstage, which could be attributed to the difficulty of their songs, but also Roddy J messed up his lyrics TWICE Sunday and he's one of the writers)
Sets: 4 (there basically ARE NONE, though there are a few good set pieces here and there like the printing press, but most of the illusion of a set is given by platforms, columns, and pieces of walls, which I dislike)
Use of projections: 4 (it works a few times, like in the dream sequences and when characters are walking somewhere, but it's especially egregious because the projections are visible ON THE ACTORS' COSTUMES)
Use of dance/dancers: 6 (they're a little too distracting part of the time. I don't need them to show off their backflips to me, just shut up and be onstage)
Costumes: 8 (there's no reason for the hot actress playing the hot Polignac to be so ugly in her wig and costume. Also, there are just TOO MANY costumes in too many scenes and I can't understand why a lot of choices were made. How come the men change costume every three minutes and the women have to wear the same Je veux le monde dresses all through act two?)
Overall Score: 6.8

There we have it! So I guess it's only fair for me to say that Adam et Eve is my LEAST favorite of the PDS shows I've seen. I support that strongly. Time is making me kinder and kinder to Dracula... haha.
I saw the premiere of 1789 last night! I'm still overall unsure how I feel. I spent part of the show bored-ly peering around the room trying to spot MOR cast members in the audience (I'll do a separate post for that) and another part gaping in offended horror at the way they portrayed Marie Antoinette and Louis, and then a few parts genuinely enjoying myself. Overall I'd say the music is pretty much great, as are the costumes, but the choreography is kind of hit-or-miss (better than Dracula, maybe on par with Adam et Eve), the story is kinda all over the place, and I actually couldn't understand the vast majority of it because a) they talk fast and b) the music was usually louder than the singing, so we'll see how much I can remember.

I've learned that I'm kind of a grumpy old curmudgeon now in these MOR-less days, and since nothing has succeeded in winning my heart since the death of my show, I just assume everything sucks. My life is sad here in France. I'm basically a ghost. But soon I'll have a fresh start!

On s'en moque moque moque moque moque moque moque moque )

Anyway, I know it's a dodgy recap but I figured I'd share with you as soon as possible because I know a lot of people are itching to know what's going on over here. Also seeing this show was the only reason I prolonged my stay in France an extra two months. Now I've gotten everything accomplished that I wanted and I'm ready to call it quits with this lovely country. I don't know yet if I want to see 1789 again. Tickets aren't cheap and my funds are pretty limited. Plus I had enough trouble sitting through it at the premier... I got antsy A LOT and actually groaned a few times when I realized act one wasn't over yet. It might have been because I knew a lot of MOR people were in the room and was eager to hunt them down, or it might have been because the show dragged a little.

My overall feeling is this: when I watched MOR, I was excited about every notion of it. At the end of the show I wanted to punch my fist in the air and take on the world. That's the show that told me to vivre à en crever and gave me the magic words "place je passe" that were my mantra during this past difficult year as an au pair. I can tell you the messages of that show in a heartbeat. It means so much.

But what did this show mean?

During curtain call at one point I realized that I was only one row of people away from the stage, and in my head the sentence "It's weird how much I don't CARE" formed. I respect everyone involved in the show and hope it sees so much success and Dove can get one of those Scrooge McDuck gold pools, but... I don't care about it very much. My PDS groupie days are over. And I'm very okay with that.

Next stop: New York City!
Loony: oh i was gonna say, i was stagedooring from 11 to 8pm today
Loony: there was a free concert of 1789 at the PDS this morning and it was so so great
Mommy: I thought you were getting tired of the drama in the whole stage dooring scene
Loony:: i'm really going to miss music i love sung by actors i love surrounded by pushy fans
Loony: today was the day i knew where to find mikele though
Mommy: There is nothing more moving than a live show
Mommy: I cry when the curtain opens
Mommy: Then I cry again when the music starts
Loony: after the concert i went to a famous theatre called the olympia to find mikele
Loony: i got there around 1pm and the show started at 8pm
Loony: there were already 50 people waiting
Loony: and as the day went on there were more and more
Loony: mikele showed up late for his rehearsal and just pushed through the crowd and i was too far away to see him
Loony: and now i have no guarantee i'll ever see him or flo again
Loony: so i went home and flopped on my couch and cried because i'm realizing that there is stuff i'll miss
Loony:: i mean i'll probably see them when 1789 opens, but they won't want to do photos because they're there to see the show
Loony: and i still have a dream that they'll come to new york when/if the american version opens
Mommy: Maybe you can see them there
Loony: and after that?
Loony: i know it's silly but i actually love them
Loony: like i care about losing them in my life significantly more than if i were to lose like
Loony:[the name of a person i took out to not be offensive should s/he ever see this blog]
Loony: or even [someone else]
Loony: you guys and kelley are more important than them though dont worry
Mommy: Thanks
Loony: and flossie
Mommy: Even when she pees?
Loony: as long as it's not on my head [one time when i was asleep the dog jumped onto my bed and was so excited to discover that I was up there that she peed everywhere]
Loony: mikele and flo have never peed on my head
Mommy: Flo and Mikele never pee when they see you. There is no joy in that
Loony: no but flo is all tease-y and precious and ive never seen him light up like that for any other fan
Loony: and mikele is the only person like mikele in the whole world
Loony: kelley says when i miss flo i can paint a beard on her
Mommy: She might get tired of that
Loony: tough
Mommy: Every morning you will make her late cause she will wake up with a new beard painted on during the night
Loony: people will wonder why flo is always asleep in the pictures i post on facebook
Loony: and propped into a sitting position
Mommy: That would be weird
Here's an update while I continue to procrastinate from sleeping for no reason!

My mom told me if I can condense my stuff down to three suitcases to avoid baggage fees, she'll buy me a whole new wardrobe when I get home! So I'm doing crazy stuff like giving away clothes I don't wear enough, giving all my shoes to the American student living here, throwing away the cases to my Sims games and keeping them in a zippy CD case thing, and knitting for the first time since Bercy in an effort to use up my yarn! Also, I've seen nine and a half seasons of Friends in a little less than three weeks.

Started stagedooring 1789 yesterday. I saw Yamin, who teased me and said wow nice tan and I was like b-b-but I dont get tans and he was like yeah I was kidding and i was like ohhhh. Also saw a very beardy Solal on a red scooter who was looking for Yamin. Also met Danton, or David Ban, and he was super nice!!! Also, it seems like Roddy J is ALREADY sick of fans, which makes me sad because when I saw him a year ago at the MOR reunion concert he was SO PRECIOUS AND CHARMING but now he always has a look on his face like he's anxiously waiting for you to shut up and stop bothering him. Boo Roddy J, I mean really what did you expect. Also, the little Dracula understudy named Sebastien who I didn't want to love, IS SO SWEET. And the new guy who replaced Mathieu has a lot of tattoos, including all over his neck... huh. OH and Tamara smiled and waved at me! She's so pretty and nice gah.

ALSO I WILL VERY LIKELY BE ABLE TO FIND AND SAY GOODBYE TO MY MIKELE ON SEPTEMBER 15TH. As for Flo... I just hope I'll catch him when 1789 starts up.

Alright, and about masters stuff, I started looking at the courses required for the translation masters at NYU that I was initially interested in, and after the first TWO it all becomes accounting and contracts and patents and my soul died just thinking about it. I don't have a good head for reality. THEN I discovered a literary translation master ALSO at NYU, but it was two semesters in NYC and then a summer program in... PARIS. And I was like GAH I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO GO BACK TO PARIS (though secretly it sounded amazing) and I was telling the family that's hosting my right now and they were like "Oh that's easy, just come live with us again!" I LOVE THESE PEOPLE.

But now I'm worrying again, because I never intended to do higher education and now I realize how badly I need to. But my GPA was 2.76, and apparently 3.0 is low for NYU standards. I could probably kick ass on the GRE (I'm not stupid, I just made a lot of dumb decisions in college including playing the Sims during class... often) and I have a lot of experience and could probably write a good letter of motivation or whatever in order to prove that I've changed in the what-will-have-been two years since getting my French degree... geez.

Anyway, so I don't know how coherent that was, but it was an update! I've been really hungry ever since I closed my bank account. I went from constantly eating everything in the pantry of the family I worked for to eating less than two meals a day because I don't want to spend all my money and I don't want to take advantage of the amazing family that's hosting me right now. My mom is sending my resume to places that'll hire me for "seasonal work" while I'm in North Carolina.

Oh I'm still typing? Okay sorry. I'll sleep now. Going stagedooring again tomorrow!
I think I'm just gonna go home. I won't pay the €200-300 to get that visa renewed; I'll just hang out either at this house or at my boyfriend's for a month and a half so I can see 1789 and maybe Flo and Mikele, then I'll go home before Halloween. After Christmas I'll move in with Kelley and get a job with her temp agency and apply for the spring semester at NYU.

I'm giving up on seeing London or Vienna or Cardiff, but I've run out of steam. Someone tell Máté and Billie Piper I love them.

I still haven't told that family no, but there's no way I have another year of au pairing in me. I'll talk to the family I'm living with and see how they feel about me staying, then I'll talk to the boyfriend, then I'll text everyone I know and make sure I tell them all goodbye.

I think I'll use visa stress and homesickness and timidity as my excuses to ditch this family rather than tell her that I couldn't handle those kids in my burned-out state. Maybe I'll offer to babysit until she finds someone else to bring in a little extra cash. I'm worried about my finances. I have to close my bank account.

Really? I just want to go home for a while and have a break from this paperwork nightmare and buttered noodles for every meal.
The last few days have been really tough.

I kind of wounded my back somehow about a week ago--my lower back, just at the base of my spine.  And ever since I've had varying degrees of shoulder and neck pain/stiffness.  This weekend I couldn't turn my head at all.  It's torture.  My host family is sympathetic and has put me on Doliprane, a French painkiller, but it only works like 70% and it also makes me really nauseous or... something I can't describe.

The worst thing is, every time I'm left alone with my thoughts they get really dark.  I think I am finally starting to look around me and see that my groupie days are over, my obsession with Patrice is over, and I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't know what I want.  I am looking forward to three things: Christmas at German Lara's house (next weekend), seeing Adam & Eve (in a little over a month), and 1789 (in less than a year).  After that... nothing.  It's like my life is a ten minute youtube video and it's only managed to buffer the first minute.  I don't know what to look forward to after that.  I don't have any career aspirations or anything.  Whenever I see how happy my host family is surrounded by family and life-long friends I ask what the hell I think I'm doing out here alone in a foreign country prowling around dating sites for company and texting people who don't feel the need to answer.  I love Europe and I love France and I love Paris, but I'm just getting so scared and so overwhelmed.  I don't miss the United States at all, but wouldn't it be easier?

I can't give up and go back, though, because here I at least have a plan for another year.  I submitted my TAPIF application and will find out what they say at the beginning of April.  Everyone who knows about the program assures me that I'll get Paris (or a suburb) since I have so much experience living here and speaking French and blah blah.  Plus I've found a program that hooks students up with a lonely old person with a huge house in Paris: you live in a spare room and pay something like €21 a month and all the old person asks is that you eat dinner with them and tell them about your day.  I LOVE old people.  That would be ideal for me as long as they found me a suitable geezer and as long as my person didn't DIE before our year was up.  I would even make an awesome PROFIT from TAPIF if I could do that!

If I went home... I have no idea.  I wouldn't be growing or moving forward.  I wouldn't know where to start looking for a job or future.  Literally, I wouldn't know WHERE to look.  My hometown?  My college town?  New York City?  Some random city I find by throwing a dart at a map?  No, at least here I have a path for next year.  At least here I CAN do stuff if I want.  At least here I have a place in society, even if that place has become slightly obsolete without MOR.

Anyway.  Scared, depressed, sore, unsure.  And sore.  REALLY sore.  I'm at a point in my life where for the first time mortality is really starting to scare me.

Also, I have found that I can no longer make ANY life decisions without running it by other people first.  Even my Sims game I screencap new developments so I can tell everyone (no one cares) about it.  I haven't started applying for the living-with-an-old-person thing because I haven't had enough friends encourage me to do so yet.  In any case I should probably wait till April, because if I don't get TAPIF then I'm going to have to stay with this host family for another year.

My sore back kept me indoors last Monday, and I skipped stagedooring La Chanson de l'Année.  I went for a few hours during the afternoon and saw Christophe Maé, Shy'm, Seal, and Bénabar going in to rehearsals.  If I had come back and waited to catch people as they left I could have seen the troupes of Adam & Eve and 1789.  I could have gotten flotos.  But I stayed here and laid across my bed and thought about how scared I was until I cried.
Welp, I haven't made an unlocked post in a while so I figured I should. I have a couple friends who aren't lj users who say they follow my journal anyway soooo this is for them.

Things are looking up! I think I'm finally done with that toxic relationship with the Frenchman who barely even remembered to make me a second choice, much less validate me or appreciate what I was offering him AT ALL. I don't want to bear him ill will or anything, especially since I'm sure our paths will cross again (he still thinks he's allowed to invite me over any time he gets bored, but I don't need his attention anymore so he's got a surprise coming). I'm sure he's still the same sweet guy I fell for almost a year ago, but he hasn't been acting like it since I got back to Paris. I've given him way too many chances and forgiven him way too many times. So, goodbye to him, I guess. No more Patrin. I'm disappointed, but I'm not broken or angry or regretful, and that's what matters.

Also, German Lara said I could go to her house for Christmas! Weinachstein, I mean. I'm super relieved, because when I checked with my host family what days I would be free to leave it turned out that THEY WERE EXPECTING ME TO WORK RIGHT THROUGH CHRISTMAS. What? Most of the other au pairs are going home! I thought I would at least have the same amount of free time as the au pairs who were leaving the country for Christmas, but nope! I have about five days. I love being around German Lara. She's so supportive and wise and lovely.

Speaking of the host family, out of nowhere the other day they asked if I wanted to stay another year with them! So... I guess they like me now? Well, I've taught their three year old to count to seven in English and he comprehends almost everything I say. All three kids can sing Ça ira mon amour now, or at least the refrains. I've gotten better at remembering all the household chores and! my room! has been clean! for almost a month! This is UNHEARD of! I didn't like them tearing me apart for drifting through life, but I needed to hear it.

The only piece of my TAPIF application that's missing is the second recommendation. I'm going to ask my host family, but I keep chickening out. I guess they like me now, since they asked me to stay on. I mean obviously I'm not going to stay unless I have absolutely no other choice. I hate living in a massive room with a massive bed and my own entrance and bathroom but not being allowed to let friends stay over. Making a friend stay in a hostel when she comes to visit you is INSANE and unfair. Plus even on my days off the kids feel free to come wandering into my room to bother me. And if I try to stay in here to work the whole family pries and asks what I was doing and why I didn't leave my room. I don't like feeling judged, so... yeah. I like them, but I need to remove myself from this situation when the contract is up.

Also, my fannish love for my rebound man Roddy J is growing and growing. You WILL love me, Roddy J. If you don't believe me, ask the entire Troupe of MOR. In fact, I am now going to make him and 1789 a special silly tag.

I went to see Dracula this weekend and stagedoored with German Lara a couple of times. The most nice were Anais, Golan, Gregory, and Marble-Eyes McGee (just kidding his name is Julien). The others were all either intimidated by us not speaking French to them or shy or rushed. It's hard to tell with des artistes. We also saw Cabaret (though we were so unimpressed that we left during intermission) and met Claire, Delphine, and Emmanuel "Babyface" Moire. This is why I love living in Paris.

Also, I am redying my hair obnoxiously red again today. I don't look forward to the family making comments about it, but oh well. That's the color it was when I got here, and now it's so faded and the roots almost look gray comparatively! I wanna pretend to be a bombshell again.





Um so um. Well. Remember that time I tried to stagedoor "Danse avec les stars" for Floflo and the only picture I got from the whole night was this one? THEY'RE GONNA BE AT THAT SHOW TOMORROW. I can get there without getting lost for three hours this time maybe...!

So um... I mean... I guess I should go... buh goddammit here I go being a groupie again.

Should I go?

...do I need to give in and make a tag for 1789 or my random obsession with Roddy J? That's what I call him. Roddy J. We're bff.

In case you missed the memo, I met him for like .24601 seconds after the MOR reunion concert and he is SUPER ATTRACTIVE in person and super charming and personable and I was like LET ME LOVE YOU RODDY J

For the first time I feel FEELINGS.

As soon as I started watching this my throat got all tight and I felt my heart getting happy and I wanted to bounce around dancing.


I think it's time to be a fan of 1789 on facebook.

ÇA IRA MON AAAAAMOUUUUR! The host family is leaving for the weekend and I plan to dance my ass off to this song the whole time and watch this video forever.



Who cares if the plot is ridiculous? I want COSTUMES and awesome music.

Now I *definitely* have to stay in France next year or I'll miss this show! I'll au pair for another year if I don't find something else.

January 2017

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