(no subject)

[lesmisloony]

Alright, so Monday October 22nd I leave Paris. That night my girls and I have a sleepover in New York, and the next morning I take the train to my hometown. Total price: €464.

I'm actually really excited to spend Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas back on familiar territory with familiar faces and familiar food. And Flossie.



FLOSSEHHHHH


I got a really mean email from the host family I let down, which just cements my contentment at not spending a year with them.

Comments

[yobambam666.livejournal.com]

Wow, they sent you a mean e-mail just because you declined a job?

Well, I think the Doctor can express how I feel toward that family better than I can:

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

LET ME SHOW YOU.

This is my email, which is pretty long and I think as nice as possible:

Hello, I have to apologize in advance for this message because I know how inconvenient I'm being, but after we talked about the visa and everything last night I went home and did some research and honestly I'm just too stressed and overwhelmed to deal with anything at this point. I talked to my parents about it on skype, and we got back to the same question you asked me in the interviews that I had trouble answering: why am I staying an extra year in Paris? I have four student loans to pay back and my future to consider, and even though I'd hoped to be able to travel and see a little more of Europe on the weekends/Mondays, rationally I can't imagine covering the price of wifi, laundry, my phone, classes, all my food, and my navigo pass and still have enough left over for student loans, traveling, or any kind of saving. I'm also very concerned about my own reserved and quiet nature in the face of kids who might need a much stricter influence than mine: I can be strict, but I have trouble coming in as a strict figure and can really only be comfortable with enforcing discipline once I've gotten to know the kids I'm working with, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to really enforce the schedule and get the kids to do what needs to be done. I'm especially worried about outings, and being able to keep a hold on both of them in the streets since they're very quick and I have a lot of trouble raising my voice in any situation, even to shout after a speedy child.

Add all of this to how emotionally exhausted I am after a very difficult year last year and a summer spent gathering paperwork that turned out to be even more confusing than I'd imagined, and I must say I'm very glad we did the trial days, because I don't think I can commit to being an au pair for another full year. Especially with all the confusion and concern over the state of my visa, I'd much rather just... well, just go. I discussed this with my parents, my friends, my French boyfriend, and even the family that's letting me live with them right now, and all of them agreed that if I'm not perfectly happy about working in a foreign country for another year, it won't be a positive experience for the kids or for me. I have a long list saved to my desktop of things I miss about the US, and every day it just gets longer.

I know I can be timid and, as I said in one of the interviews, I have a very guilty conscience, so knowing I'm letting your family down is very, very hard for me, especially after I enjoyed playing with the boys, but I think the smartest decision for my personal happiness and, in the long run, for your hopes for an au pair, is that I just let this visa expire and return home. I'll stick around illegally for a few weeks to tie up loose ends, like to close my bank account and drop by the family from last year and see the kids one more time, so if you happen to need any help babysitting before you find another candidate I'd be glad to do the job since I know the basics.

I know this is a big decision to have made in one night, but it's the one I feel best about. I'm sorry to have changed my mind like this, because I really did enjoy meeting and chatting with you and meeting the boys, but I think I've been away from home for too long and I'm worried about my grandmother who's been sick lately and... I miss my dog. Anyway, I'm sorry again, and I do hope that among the other applicants for the job there was somebody less confused than me. Please let me know if you need anything else--I'll email my old agency on your behalf if you're interested in that option--and again, I'm so so sorry to just give up like this.

So many apologies for all of this inconvenience!
Erin

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

Okay, and then right before midnight she replied in French (even though we always spoke English together), which I'm going to translate:

Erin,
I just realized what your message meant.
Too bad you didn't think about all this before you met us.
Because you have free time right now and I don't and school starts next week.
You should have told us about your doubts right away. I could have spent time with other candidates who were actually motivated.
It wasn't fair on your part to have us work so much knowing you weren't really interested.
Your reasons seem to be diverse. For adapting to life in our house, I don't think there would have been a problem, not even for the outings because the boys really liked you.
For the paperwork, everything would have been resolved quickly with some work.
No one can accomplish anything without some effort...
It seems that homesickness is the main reason for your decision.
Good luck with your future life.

I notice she didn't address the FINANCIAL CRISIS I'm having... did I mention there's NO WIFI in the studio they were going to give me? I was going to have to pay for my own wifi. And all my food. I thought I made that concern very clear in my message.

Also, how did she think I was going to control those boys??? The first day I met them they were running all over the place in the street and weren't listening to their own MOTHER, so how was a person who is incapable of raising her voice going to keep that under control?? I told them it was bathtime and they would just ignore me to the point where I had to pull toys out of their hands and push them into the bathroom. AND THESE WERE THE FIRST TWO DAYS. The little monsters I had last year at least tried to impress me and be super nice for the first two weeks!!!

Anyway, no regrets. I'm so relieved to have gotten out of that.

[yobambam666.livejournal.com]

Wow, what a bitch. I mean, come on! You were being nothing but nice in yours, and she comes back with "You shouldn't have done blah blah blah!"

You totally dodged a bullet on that one.

[kaiserinerzsi.livejournal.com]

While I understand they'd feel let down/disappointed or whatever I see nothing in her reply that shows the slightest bit of empathy or decency. It's all about how this affects them, their problems, their inconvenience etc. And then to pick apart your reasons and make them look unimportant.
Very selfish!

[apollinnaire.livejournal.com]

I think you did the right thing. I have no idea how you managed to handle the ridiculous host family from last year, I can't imagine how you'd handle yet another round of spoiled brats and paranoid parents. And oh yeah, I know about microwave meals - I think anyone who's been in France has lived at least a month on those suckers.

And think; what isn't valued in France (knowing French) is highly valued in the US, since (so I heard) it's quite rare to find someone who's fluent in a foreign language. And with your experience of two years studying/working abroad you get a hell of a good job in translation, interpretation, publishing...

Good:)

[amistad87.livejournal.com]

I really think you made the right decision. Especially when they are so mean to you now, who knows what you would have had to go through if you actually stayed with them.
I wish you all the best for New York!!!
Have a safe trip and I would really, like to visit you there one day:-)