Mister Golden Boy!

[lesmisloony]

Adam et Eve. What the hell is it about? That's a trick question. You may read the title of the show, "Adam et Eve", and think, Oh, that's easy, it's a show about Adam and Eve! Well, that's where you'd be wrong. In a way you're right, because it is definitely a show about two characters whose names are Adam and Eve, but not the ones you're thinking of. So... what is it, then?

Don't worry, English-speakers. I'm here (in Paris) for you.

First, meet the Troupe:



Here we have Tall Sam, Nuno, Eve, Adam, Strawberry, Solal, and Solal's Stripper Daughter. They shall be called such from here on out. Just so there's no confusion.

So at the beginning of the show Tall Sam appears in the aisle with his guitar, strolling along singing one of those ballad-y songs that's like "Adam... et Eve... l'amour... Adam... et Eve... comme au premier jour..." or whatever.



He is soon joined by the rest of the troupette, who also emerge from various aisles, and they converge and probably sing something along the lines of Come and listen to my story 'bout a girl named Eve.



And then, just when you think that this might be a nice, non-threatening musical and a wonderful palate-cleanser after the hot mess that was Dracula... all hell breaks loose.

The stage becomes a giant tv screen where two newscasters are announcing that "Solus, notre guide" has announced that Adam and his ridiculously wet Hitler hair will marry his Stripper Daughter.



and after a moment I recognized the male newscaster's chin...



WHAT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Anyway so then we get to see the megacity of Eden where Solal is basically Big Brother, everyone is wearing matching grey jumpsuits and tight ponytails, and I kind of kept waiting for a lady in white to come jogging out of the audience and throw a sledgehammer at the giant screen where images of Solal were smirking down upon the real Solal who was singing fantastically upon a pedestal.

My giggling.

Is it just me, or is the end of this song ripped off of Gangster's Paradise?

Anyway and then suddenly Nuno is in a tree and he's like YOOHOOO SOLUUUUUUS and Solal is like da fuq are you? and Nuno is like SNAYYYKE bitch I'm the leader of the Lost Boys Rebels who live under this flashy sign that says "l'autre coté" and we don't adhere to your Owellian nonsense.

Except instead of saying any of that with words, he expresses it in song.

During the course of this song, or maybe during the course of a song immediately after it, or something, Adam bumps into Eve and, in the glow of a single spotlight, doesn't even have the manners to go "I didn't see you there, forgive me" before falling in love with her.

Anyway, so then Solal grabs Adam and is like One day my son, all of this will be yours, and he gestures to his scantily-clad daughter. And Adam seems to have no personality and he's like ehhh and then the daughter literally gets out a stripper pole and breaks into the worst-titled song in the history of ever (except for Máté Kamarás's single "I'm Gonna Beat You (At Your Own Game)") : Do u wanna be my luv.



Adam's response is basically "Eh, not really," and he sort of wanders off and leaves Solal's Stripper Daughter to clean up all the poles and backup dancers while he sings yet ANOTHER song. I didn't pay that much attention to this one: I was too distracted by the ridiculous backdrop showing images of scrambled up women's faces. Adam finally seems to realize that this is going on, too. Turns out the backdrop is now a giant computer program of some kind... as evidenced by this Matrix coding...



and he uses the backdrop computer to assemble Eve's face...



and I have no frikkin idea what happens next, but it looks like he basically ORDERED her, like from a high-tech zapos or something, because then a row of women appear singing "Si j'étais Eve" and then finally the most obviously Eve one rips off her tiny mask and sings "Viens, je suis Eve" and she takes Adam to Neverland L'Autre Coté.



So when they get there I guess Adam must have been like THIS IS NOTHING LIKE EDEN WHICH IS WHERE I LIVE WHICH IS IN NO WAY AN IDYLLIC GARDEN and Nuno is like boy this is Neverland.

I laughed during this song because I remembered someone on the Florum saying this song was basically the French version of "Friday" because Nuno is just listing the days of the week here.

Anyway, basically nothing happens for the rest of act one. No, I mean it. I don't remember any context for anything else, except Adam deciding he likes Neverland without ever even establishing any character traits for himself.

Okay, then Strawberry decided to try to be a character who mattered by bringing out someone who could only possibly be Lola/Poison from Dracula...



and singing a song about how lovely love is or something. It's directed at Eve... so I guess we can assume she's telling Eve to go fall in love?

Then Strawberry becomes part of a giant music box.



Have no memory of wtf is going on here.



Then Eve finally decided she was in love with Adam, though he still hadn't exhibited any memorable characteristics, most likely because these people couldn't go more than one minute (or less) without bursting into song again.

So Eve and Strawberry jump into a massive-ass swing and some dude in the shadows pushes them while Strawberry tells Eve to tell Adam she loves him.



so Eve is like Okay I'll tell him I love him and jumps off the swing and goes over to Adam and sings a looong song that's like Adam, I love you.



(See? Told you act one wasn't ABOUT anything.)

Then comes the most uncomfortable thing ever, which is Tall Sam sitting in a tree, playing his guitar and leering down at Adam and Eve as they go sit on a massive white mattress and face each other, and the obnoxious backdrop projects images of them being scantily clad and rubbing up against each other.

The song Tall Sam is singing is in English for some reason, and he keeps saying the word "Lovers" over and over again, so I guess that would be the name of it.

White-clad dancers are also involved to obscure the sight of the protagonists bumping uglies.



And then suddenly the scrim drops and I hear Solal being like Y'ALL BITCHES IS UNDER ARREST NOW and it's sirens and everyone's like SHIT WHAT WAS THAT and it's intermission.

I used intermission to stalk down Mikele, Yamin, and Merwan.

Then comes act two, with what might be the most irritatingly weird song in the show.

I think I could deal with it if it didn't have that screaming tattooed backdrop man.

Listen, guys... I really hate this video backdrop. I mean really. REALLY. Really hate it. One of the only things that always made me wince about MOR was the dumbass flowers floating about behind the wedding sequence, and this show basically did that BUT DUMBER throughout the entire entire thing. It made me wince a lot.

So Nuno and Adam are preparing for war while Solal and his Stripper Daughter hold Eve captive.



they fling her around on ropes and sing something like "YOU ARE NOT A MAN" but that's the only line I picked up



They put Eve in this bubble prison ripped off the set of Wicked (the bars are like giant coily slinkies that they just push aside to shove her in, so I was really distracted by HOW EASY IT WOULD BE TO GET THE FLIP OUT) and she sings this sloowwww song that shows off her great voice about how she promises she'll get out and get back to Adam.



So like, then Nuno and Adam and crew just bust their asses into the jail and casually invite Solal to take Eve's place in the Bubble Prison. Their is much rejoicing and I guess that was the least exciting takeover ever...





UNTIL THIS.

THE GIST OF THIS SONG IS KISS MY ASS. It's called "Embrasse-moi" or "kiss me" but then Nuno slaps his ass after saying those words and then he pulls Solal out of the Bubble Prison long enough to KISS HIM ON THE MOUTH WHAAAT and then videos of Nuno being all sexy play on the background and I was like WHUUUUUUUT NO WHYYYYYY OMG YES NO

Then they let Solal out of the Bubble Prison long enough to sing a badass song to Nuno about how we weren't born equal or something while his Stripper Daughter dangles sadly in the background.

And then I guess they decided to battle Solal's ponytailed minions or something or maybe they'd already won at this point or maybe I would know what was going on if I felt like watching this video again, but every time I do this dumbass wonderful song gets stuck in my head for like three days and I don't think I can deal with that again.

During the course of Ma Bataille EVERYONE IN THE PDS WAS ON THEIR FEET singing along and flipping shit and clapping and stuff. And then they were all running down to the stage, so I was like wait are they gonna mosh early? What's going on here?? and then I realized that... the show was OVER!

And the troupette arrived in a glowing punch buggy.





I ran my ass down to the foot of the stage and was surprised to find that they crowd was scant and not as competitive to as the MOR crowd. I moved my way to the front quite easily and no one objected to me strolling past them.

Onstage, all hell was breaking loose.



I took a ton of pictures of Nuno, but this is the only one that isn't blurry because my camera is old and tired and has already seen too much beauty in its life.



Here are some okay ones.





Then the screen came back and was like NOW NUNO IS THE KING OF THE WORLD



We all sang Rien ne se finit, the only song I know from this show due to having watched that cracky-ass music video a million times over the summer.

Pascal Obispo and his little choreographer Tokyo joined the party.





All in all... the songs were alright, the choreography was good, the sets were good, the singing was good, and the energy in the room was incredible, but the story was so weird and thin and I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd seen it told a hundred times before, so... in the end I'd say it's maybe something like a 6/10, with Dracula being a 5/10 and MOR being like a 9. But that's on my personal scale of happiness.