Still a work in progress

 I'm trying really hard here.  I'm trying to believe that I'm fine the way I am, but even on the days when I wear tight clothes (I've been doing that a lot to try to force myself to own my belly rather than hide it) I look in the mirror and find myself thinking "I'll look great once I lose this little bit of weight!"

That's the thing, I picked up my mom's obsession with dieting but not her willpower to actually diet, so I live in a constant mindset of thinking I'm in the process of losing weight and striving for a specific goal.  I'm not.  Every time we go to Harris Teeter I eat at least four free cookies without blinking an eye.  I don't care enough to actually diet or exercise, so this is what I'm gonna look like.  I don't want to constantly worry about what I'm eating and whether or not it's going to make a number on a scale go up.

The problem is, in the way I've always seen the world, there's thin-as-a-model and fat.  No in-between.  It does make me feel better to see images of curvy girls (on tumblr) and I am in a much, much better place than I used to be, but I'm still not "there" yet.  And the problem is, I'm not sure what else I can do to get "there."

So I did this.

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