I'm so glad to know you got back safely! I was worried the trip would be difficult since you fell ill with that blood problem. Well, I relate A LOT to what you wrote. I know of a lot of people who studied/lived abroad and who also live kind of between different countries (in your case, continents!) and the problem is similar: where are our roots? where do we belong? who are our friends? which of them stay no matter what?
I also lived in France for a year and realized I'd lost all my friends when I came back. With some I had deliberately split ways but others simply faded away to do their own thing. One year is a long time. They made new friends, themselves, and engaged in different activities. Some moved to other countries. Some engaged in new relationships. Some just decided to cut off with old friends and acquaintances out of incompatibility. Of all of my pre-France friends I only keep one who talks to me online and who cares. She just moved to London, though. We talk on facebook and send each other cards but she's not a "close friend" anymore. Even if she's the nicest human being that ever crossed my path.
I used to live in the capital but moved to a northern city when I came back. My parents and family still live there, though. But I have nobody there besides them so it's a bit of a torture when I spend time there. I have nothing to do and nobody to meet so I just sit in my room and wait until I can come back here.
The few people that I have now, besides my family, are either related to my boyfriend or folks I met in college. I have no close friends to hang out with. I find it that I can't exactly make "close friends" at this age. Most people *already* have their own friends and don't need/want more people in their lives. We're not teenage-like innocent anymore and we have trouble relating, too. I lived in many different places and did many different things. Most people here did nothing of what I did and those who also went all over the place at some point are just kind of incompatible, somehow. I can eventually "hang out" with some people but I can't start an actual friendship. Plus, I kind of know that I'm also here temorarily and once I move somewhere else, these people will indeed be "facebook updates" for some time before I delete them for I no longer know them at all. And even before I move, when my boyfriend and I break up 99% of those people will be gone. They're just there and friendly towards me as I'm "his girlfriend". We don't really have a lot in common, when this bond's gone, they'll erase me from their mind and I guess a new (girlfriend) version of me will take my place and nobody here will even remember my name anymore.
Obviously I wish I had people to call and to hang out with and whatever. People not dependant on my relationship status and who actually *liked* me or knew me. But to be honest, not only don't I know where to find them but I also find myself backing off potentialy cool/nice people as I don't quite feel like going through the friend-making process all over again.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 02:17 pm (UTC)I also lived in France for a year and realized I'd lost all my friends when I came back. With some I had deliberately split ways but others simply faded away to do their own thing. One year is a long time. They made new friends, themselves, and engaged in different activities. Some moved to other countries. Some engaged in new relationships. Some just decided to cut off with old friends and acquaintances out of incompatibility. Of all of my pre-France friends I only keep one who talks to me online and who cares. She just moved to London, though. We talk on facebook and send each other cards but she's not a "close friend" anymore. Even if she's the nicest human being that ever crossed my path.
I used to live in the capital but moved to a northern city when I came back. My parents and family still live there, though. But I have nobody there besides them so it's a bit of a torture when I spend time there. I have nothing to do and nobody to meet so I just sit in my room and wait until I can come back here.
The few people that I have now, besides my family, are either related to my boyfriend or folks I met in college. I have no close friends to hang out with. I find it that I can't exactly make "close friends" at this age. Most people *already* have their own friends and don't need/want more people in their lives. We're not teenage-like innocent anymore and we have trouble relating, too. I lived in many different places and did many different things. Most people here did nothing of what I did and those who also went all over the place at some point are just kind of incompatible, somehow. I can eventually "hang out" with some people but I can't start an actual friendship. Plus, I kind of know that I'm also here temorarily and once I move somewhere else, these people will indeed be "facebook updates" for some time before I delete them for I no longer know them at all. And even before I move, when my boyfriend and I break up 99% of those people will be gone. They're just there and friendly towards me as I'm "his girlfriend". We don't really have a lot in common, when this bond's gone, they'll erase me from their mind and I guess a new (girlfriend) version of me will take my place and nobody here will even remember my name anymore.
Obviously I wish I had people to call and to hang out with and whatever. People not dependant on my relationship status and who actually *liked* me or knew me. But to be honest, not only don't I know where to find them but I also find myself backing off potentialy cool/nice people as I don't quite feel like going through the friend-making process all over again.