Oh HELL no.

[lesmisloony]

I'm directionless but I want one thing for my life.  I want to go back to France.

In December a fan told me I belonged in Paris and I thought she was crazy.  That was six months ago.  

I learned so much about who I am and what I can accomplish this past year.  I went from a sad mound of judgemental flab eating ranch and crying over a poster of Mikelangelo Loconte to a hot-ass fake lashes wearing American who got kissed on the mouth twice by that glittery Italian mofo and was unfazed by it.  I made a bunch of gorgeous famous men love and care about me and I can do anything I want to do and I only want one thing.

I will get back to Paris if I have to swim.  If I have to go back and live in my parents' house and endure my mother's attempts to save my sexting soul then so be it, I'll save up my money and I'll stay up all night every night emailing French companies and sending out copies of my résumé.  I'll tear the whole world up if I have to.

I'm going to use my little red phone and my plug adaptor again.  I'm going to listen to NRJ again and someday I'll be at the stage door of a Florent Mothe concert.

I am not going to stay in this image-obsessed, shallow, spoiled country.  I don't want anything else for my future so why should I let anything else happen to me?  I know where I'm happy, I know where I feel confident and comfortable.  I'm going to dress in pimkie clothes and eat franprix food and buy avocados from the sketchy guys selling them on the street corners.

I found some websites with amazing advice on where to start my job hunt.  I can stay at home for a while if I know I'm working to go somewhere else.

This is what life is.  When the world stops handing you everything you want on a freaking platter, you have to stomp back into the kitchen and find the shelf where they keep the platters before you can get your second helping.  Well this is me getting out of my chair.  Hell, I just kicked my chair over, and the table too for good measure.  Tomorrow I'm gonna slam open the kitchen doors.  I will not lose control of my life.  I know what I want and I know what I'm capable of and now I'm going to bring those two together.

Place je passe, bitches.

Comments

[furoneko.livejournal.com]

That's the spirit !!

[yvonnejanvier.livejournal.com]

Go for it, girl!

[kaiserinerzsi.livejournal.com]

If this is what you really and truly want then go for it!
I'm sure you know full well that you cannot go back to the life you had there as a MOR following student so I wont bore you with that. Besides I feel that your longing for Paris goes deeper than that.
Living in capital cities in the cold hard realities of having enough to live on can be a struggle, be prepared for that I'd hate for you to end up feeling disillusioned by it all.
That's the fussing out of the way I wish you the absolute best in achieving your goal/dream. I admire you for it, I would want to do the same with Hungary if my language skills and quality of life there was good enough :)

[ulkis.livejournal.com]

I totally believe you can do it and that it's not an impossible dream at all. Hey, at the very least, you should go work for a French airline or something. (is Air France the only one?) I know a lady who works for Lot (the Polish airline) and she is always flying back and forth for really cheap.

But also, you know, the u.s. doesn't have to be bad for you to want to live in France. Even if things aren't crappy it doesn't mean you have to justify why you want to go back to France. sometimes we just like chocolate over peanut butter and vice versa.

[sinkingslowly.livejournal.com]

At the risk of overusing these lyrics today...

DID YOU EVER KNOW THAT YOU’RE MY HEEEROOO?
AND EVERYTHING I WOULD LIKE TO BEEEEEE?
I CAN FLY HIIIIGHER *cough* I'll spare you the rest, it's a fairly awful song.

Also, I want like "Place je passe, bitches" bumper stickers or something. Idk, I just need that phrase in my life all the time <3

[wolfgangmozart.livejournal.com]

DO IT! I believe you can! ♥

[mmebahorel.livejournal.com]

Is some of this also maybe "major metro area" sort of thing? As in, coming to DC when I would rather have been in London was a second choice I at times seriously regretted, but it had a lot of similar options that home (a town of 100,000 people, so not exactly a small town) could never have given me. The specifics of free time and other people's money were a large part of what made London so brilliant - and my LM friends. I had my LM friends back in the US, too, but with a severe cast overhaul to the point I hardly knew anyone in the show anymore, and had no time or money for tour stalking anyway, so it was all very dislocated from an ideal. But there were a lot more possibilities for DC to come close: museums, food, theatre, and people who do not dress or think like in the Midwest unless you spend too much time looking at the tourists. (I'm from a Republican town in a Republican district - more moderate than the crazy people running the party these days, but more conservative than is my comfort level these days.) Let's face it - you were living in a centre of global culture, and were friends with people you admired culturally as well as individuals, and now you're thrown back into a place will never be a centre of global culture.

I don't know where in NC you are, but maybe trying to find a job in a bigger metro area might move you into a position where some aspects of what's driving you nuts are more manageable while exploring longer-term plans to get back to France. (And just remember - they hide the platters. They might be in the dining room, or the attic. Don't be frustrated if it turns out to be a multi-year process that takes you places you could never have foreseen. Short term, you may have to consider the saucers or the soup bowls if you're finding no sign of platters.)

Not so much "don't do this" or "baby steps" as "keep your options open for the next five to ten years". One easier change (because it doesn't require a visa) could make the next few years a lot easier to live through if it takes a few years to find something that will get you legitimately working overseas. It's like applying for federal jobs that require a security clearance - you have to take another job because the background check can take a year and you can't start work until it comes through. You don't sit on the couch for a year, or work at Starbucks - you do something legit to keep from going insane.

[lily0f7h3meadow.livejournal.com]

I love you. And I love your attitude. I'd also love to talk to you sometime about traveling alone in Europe because I feel you're the knowledgable sort in that arena. You rock, beautiful! Lets hang out soon. :)

[yobambam666.livejournal.com]

I totally believe you can do it. You are a go-getter, so go get it girl. :)

[vivelaverite.livejournal.com]

You go girl! Keep up that good spirit! :)

[warningtousall.livejournal.com]

Go go go go girl! I can't wait for you to return to Paris :D