This is going to sound really melodramatic, but most days I can't figure out why I survived that pulmonary embolism.  I just feel like there hasn't been a point to my life since then and nothing particularly good has come out of it.  Nothing has really made sense since before that time.  I feel like my life would have been such a good story if it had ended there, but now it's dragging on.  Like a tv show that shouldn't have been renewed for another season.
Well, after Scamgate 2013 I became borderline furious with craigslist and remembered my mom saying nice things about  I opened a free account there this morning, sent out my résumé five times with a few easy clicks (and short cover letters typed into the appropriate boxes) and next thing I know I have an interview scheduled for Monday!  A real interview too, not a yahoo messenger one.  When I called my mom to tell her she asked what the job was, so I said "well, they're going to send me a check-" and then got a big kick out of her shocked gasp.  No no, not falling for that again.  Sigh.

Actually I don't really remember which job it is that I'm going to... let me go check.  Okay, according to the website that was linked in the emails they sent me, it's some kind of a marketing company (and marketing/advertising was a field I was somewhat interested in, along with publishing and translation) and the ad I answered said they wanted entry-level management in twelve different fields.  I don't care what field, I just want a steady full-time job!  Anyway, management in any of the twelve fields they need would be a step up on my résumé from the retail jobs I've been dealing with thus far.  Plus it's an office job rather than a store job, and that was my goal!  All in all, not bad for a day's work!  I just hope they take me.  I did some math, and the minimum income I can live off of (if you take in rent, utilities, metrocard, student loans, phone [actually I doubled what I'm paying now because I reeaalllly want a smartphone], and brown rice meals) is about $1100 a month.  They told me to come in ready to tell them what I wanted to be paid, so I decided I'd say about $15 an hour, but would be willing to start lower and work hard to reach that point.  I'm never sure what it is that employers want to hear when they ask that question, so my mom helped me brainstorm.  If I could do $15/hr in a full-time position, I'd have an extra thousand a month for savings... or to buy furniture.  Or to eat more than a serving of brown rice from my giant vat each meal.  Heck, I would maybe even be able to afford my own studio apartment within a year or so!

My other issue besides jobs right now is health stuff.  I've made an appointment for the end of the month with a doctor who was VERY highly recommended on yelp, but I keep having second thoughts.  He isn't an MD, but has a really long list of qualifications that I logically realize must be valid, but the Southerner in me (do-what-the-government-says,-other-countries-don't-know-shit) is still really wary.  I'm going to talk to him about my blood-thinner decisions and stuff like that.  I was looking for a doctor who focuses more on nutrition and lifestyle and less on treating symptoms with drugs, especially after my previous doctor was thoughtless enough to give me a medication that will almost definitely lead to vitamin K deficiency if taken for drawn-out periods of time and then tell me I would have to take it for the rest of my life without ever mentioning the risk.  I feel like western medicine relies too much on immediacy: what are your symptoms NOW? how can we make it better NOW?  rather than the whole picture: what might have brought this on? how can you change your lifestyle to avoid this in the future?  So yeah, I guess I am going to the right doctor for all that, but the lack of the letters "MD" still makes me antsy for some reason.

For a much smaller victory, I've been dealing with congestion for the past week, and it's really getting me down.  I simultaneously can't breathe and have snot literally drip out of my nose sometimes without me realizing it.  My lips are so chapped they're cracked, and sleeping is absolutely tedious.  I was googling to see what kind of medicine I should buy when I go to the pharmacy to renew my blood thinners tomorrow, and I stumbled across the concept of a neti pot.  Intrigued at the idea of solving the problem with salt and water rather than drugs (that apparently can lead to addiction and an even worse bout of congestion when you stop taking them), I nicked a squeeze bottle from the kitchen, filled it with warm salty water, and did my best to emulate a neti pot.

It. Was. Instantaneous.  The process was messy since the bottle wasn't quite doing the job the right way, but when I finally did manage to get a little bit of a trickle out the other nostril (without it all going down my throat and making me panic like a kid drowning in a pool) I immediately felt it all clearing up.  Once I get the real pot and get the hang of the head tilt, I feel like this would be a cinch to incorporate into a morning or evening routine to keep my nose clear... maybe forever!  So yeah, I'm all excited about neti pots this evening.

So, I've expressed a lot of interest in moving toward a natural route to keeping my blood thin rather than taking this damn Coumadin forever, yes?

How about when I talked to my doctor about it she told me that fish oil wouldn't work because Coumadin exists to fight Vitamin K in your blood, and fish oil doesn't do the same thing, so fish oil won't show up on an INR test. I just sorta said okay and moved on.

Anyway just now I was googling about, trying to figure out which direction I should take my health care in here in NYC, and... I found this article. Assuming you aren't gonna read that, let me pull out the best part:

It certainly thins the blood, but it does so by "poisoning and killing off" the vitamin K in your body. Over enough time, the near-total lack of vitamin K will (not "could" -- WILL) cause osteoporosis, arterial calcification, cognitive malfunction, and many, many other problems.


Vitamin K isn't MY enemy. Vitamin K is this medication's enemy, because the INR is only able to measure the presence of Vitamin K in your blood. They're going to tear my body apart to try to prevent this ONE freak occurence from coming back despite the precautions I've been taking??? I'm actually crying a little bit right now. I'm so angry that not one of those doctors told me this. Not one person ever made this clear. They made me believe I would never taste broccoli or spinach again.

The article goes on to say that FISH OIL is a natural blood thinner, like I fucking said. And a SAFE one. There is a long, awful list of side effects to Coumadin.

That's it. I'm done after April. I will take my last Coumadin pill on the eve of my 24th birthday, and then I'm fucking throwing the bottle out the window.
Thanks for fretting with me, guys. I kind of figured it wasn't anything urgent because the doctors in the French hospital told me when I went for my one-week checkup that having made it up eight flights of stairs earlier that day meant I was almost definitely clot-free, and yesterday I did a fifteen minute starter jogging thing again... basically, if I'd had a blood clot in my lungs, I would have passed out, and I knew that, but when that tightness was still there at the end of the day and I had jogged that MORNING I kind of freaked out. I mean, you would if you were me.

BUT I am scheduling a doctor's appointment before my move anyway so I know how to transfer my INR appointments, my rat poison prescription, and I also want to discuss my natural substitutes idea with her... I know American doctors are heavily paid by pharmacies to sign people up for their pills, but I like to think my doctor and I have seen enough of each other that she'll understand and take pity on me. I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but the doctor at the American hospital told me he thought I should take blood thinners indefinitely (that's $12 a month for the pills and at least $30 each time I get my finger pricked to test the INR, which is at least once a month but occasionally more frequently). I did some research and am convinced that taking Omega 3 supplements and focusing my diet on more food that naturally thins blood (I have a list) and harshly limiting anything with vitamin K *should* do an adequate enough job, along with regular exercise and a promise to never again take birth control or sit still for more than a few hours at a time. I want to talk to her about that--I'll even agree to keep getting my finger pricked for the first few months I'm off the rodenticide--and my parents' pharmacist friend. ANYWAY I'm also going to mention my little scare (and the sinus infection I've been fighting since Christmas) when I'm there.

The thing is, I get really really paranoid about any sort of irregular chest thing... obviously. Like, sometimes my bra is too tight and I start writing out my last will and testament. So basically what I assume happened is I went running for the first time in six months on a really fucking cold day after having not-quite recovered from a stubborn sinus infection, and what was left of the infection got agitated in my lungs and irritated me for the rest of the day. By the time I woke up it was gone, and there was no sign of it all day today. Were it another pulmonary embolism, the running probably would have knocked me out and it would be getting worse, not better.

So yeah, no worries, but I will mention it to my doctor within the next couple weeks (and you can bet your asses I'll be on red-alert until then).
lesmisloony: (The Moon D:)
dear god please don't let this weird tightness in my chest be another blood clot

ain't nobody got time or money for that

i have been very active since i got back to america and today i actually went running again but when i inhale it feels weird ever since and i want it to just be some chest congestion left over from the cold i had for a couple weeks

american hospitals are such shit and my life is finally coming together so now is not a good time for more hospital, like it's pretty much the worst possible time

hello do you copy

i will eat hummus until my blood is thinner than water if i have to

no more clots please

This is gonna have to be my new tradition. I also did 2009 and 2011.

Seems to me now that the dreams we had before are all dead, nothing more than confetti on the floor )

Ew I ended it on a sour note. Well this has been kind of a sour year. I mean for other people I guess it would be a fine year (minus nearly dying and finding out your friends don't care about you) but to fill out this quiz I was deleting my answers from LAST year when I had become the world's best groupie and recently been deflowered by my then-celebrity crush and followed that up with three first dates in one weekend, so like... deleting that and throwing in how stupid this year as been made me crankier and crankier.

Let's hope next year I'll be able to delete these answers and fill in something a lot perkier.

First, my potential roommate is going through financial turmoil and isn't sure she's going to be able to commit to an apartment, but she needs to be in one by the end of January if she does decide to stay in the city. Giant sigh. She did the equivalent of "I'm fine, go on without me, save yourself!!" and I was all "I'm not LEAVING you!" or something, so I volunteered to find a third person since three bedroom apartments split three ways tend to come out somewhat cheaper than a studio or one bedroom split two ways, plus everyone gets their own room, and that third person and I would be in charge of nailing down apartment details while sort of unofficially counting her in, and if things sort themselves out and she decides she can't afford to stay in the city, this other person and I will just throw someone else in her place. The problem is I spent thirty minutes hunting through ads and had about eight profiles of people open to message, but then I had to go to work and when I got back my computer was acting weird and I got so distracted I ended up somehow losing my session on Opera aaaand now I'm at square one AGAIN. Sometimes I think I should just pull a blanket over myself and give up and live on square one.

Second, my health: I went to the official hospital doctor a while back and had a massive amount of blood taken to do a bunch of tests, and yesterday I went back to see what the deal was about that pulmonary embolism of mine. Did I mention that the French hospital reports said that the clot was so big it was blocking my entire aorta and even extending into some of the smaller veins on either side? Sweet French Jesus. That shit ain't kidding around. Anyway, the good news is almost every test came back negative. The bad news is that one showed that I have an unusually high amount of this one clotting agent fiber thing in my blood, meaning there's so much of that dude naturally that my blood is too thick and prone to clotting, so... he's saying I'll probably be on these blood thinners indefinitely. Meaning I have to restrict my broccoli and spinach intake indefinitely, which is awful. Also, that's one more thing for me to keep spending money on. Oh, I just realized that I'll also have to go get my finger pricked to have my INR tested once a month as long as I'm on this medication... great.

Third, a bunch of people quit Target after Black Friday, so I'm now working around 39 hours a week! It's confusing for me to deal with since I just spent months with absolutely NOTHING to do, and I feel like I've lost all my free time. I almost always work closing shift, so I haven't seen Jon Stewart or Conan in ages, which is sad. But I do need money, so even on the rare days when I'm not scheduled they sometimes call me in. However there are prerecorded ads that play in the electronics section, so whenever I'm in infant's or men's I hear this incessant, awful loop of songs that are slowly grating away my sanity. They've literally become the soundtrack to my dreams. The worst is that they're almost all wildly popular right now, so I get in the car after an eight hour shift and am all "ahhh" and crank it up only to have fuckin Ke$ha moaning at me all over again. Last night my shift ended at 8 so I got to watch Conan and GUESS WHO the musical guest was. Like, bitch, do you WANT to die young? Because if I don't get a break from this song of yours I will see to it that YOU DO. I don't understand how the people who actually work in electronics are holding it together.

Alright, off to work, but that's my life. Happy Mikele's birthday!

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