Lyon, or the time Da Ponte broke my heart

[lesmisloony]

Whatever happened to our love?
I wish I understood
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good...

lol okay.

So as you may have heard, Patrice Maktav broke my heart in Lyon.  And then a few hours later he stomped on it.  He honestly does not know or understand what he has done, but that does not change my melancholy.

But a lot of really good things happened too, and some of them are entirely thanks to Maktav!  So I will not give up on you, Patrice Maktav.  I will simply... I guess I'll just... gah I don't know.  I'm just gonna have to see what happens in Rennes.   I have not really changed my behaviour since Strasbourg, which was when I fell in love with him, and I have definitely not changed my behaviour since Dijon when he was banging on a bus window to wave at me, so I don't know what's gone wrong between us.

Here follows my CR of Lyon.

The best part was when Flo got jealous.

So I arrived in Lyon pretty early and I illegally hopped a tram like a BAMF to get to our hotel, which I couldn't find for forever.  I finally got checked in and was told that wifi only works on the ground floor, so I laid down across the bed and fell asleep for like a billion hours instead of doing tourist things.  By the time I got myself pulled together it was getting kind near showtime, so I forwent my fake lashes for the first time in a long time (too sleeepyyyyy) and bought a transportation pass so I could be legal and I took a combination of trams and métros over to the basic neighbourhood of the Halle Tony Garnier.  Unfortunately I got turned around and some shop guy didn't even know where the thing was so I had to get directions from this random urchin but finally I saw a familiar fence and then a crowd of girls and I realised I had arrived at the legendary Zoono.



Okay, lemme 'splain.  The day I met Lara and Joanna they were showing me their old pictures from stagedooring on the tour last year, and they had met in Lyon.  There is a big massive fence and the actors poke their heads through the bars to take pictures with you.  I found this HILARIOUS and compared it to a Mozart zoo several times.  Then in the picture with Nuno I went IT LOOKS LIKE A ZOONO and ever since I have referred to that fence as the Zoono and, for some reason, it has become like a sacred Mozartienne touchstone to me.  I was like, I am not a real fan unless I have seen the Zoono.  And when I was standing at that fence, I was somehow more excited to be at the famous Zoono than I was, like, the first time I went into the Louvre.  My level of joy was comparable to the delight I felt when we were in the Victor Hugo museum.  It was silly and intense.

Anyway, Merwan was already at the Zoono, so I installed myself at the end of the line.  I did not yet know the hotel and was hoping Mr Maktav would fill me in on that one, so when Merwan came by I decided to speak English to him.

It went like this.  I wil italicise the parts that were in French because lol Merwan was not playing English with me.

Merwan? Will you tell Patrice the American is here?
Oh, it's you!
Yes! And I have a doll for Matthias but I left it in my hotel because I didn't know if... if he was gonna come by.  So I'll give it to him tomorrow in front of your hotel.
In front of which hotel?
Yours. You know.
Oh! You know the name of the hotel?
No...
Ah, it's... it's... *looks around at all the other fans* it's pretty far from here.
Uh. Okay.
Do you have a ticket for the show tonight? 
No, it's too expensive.
Oh!  Well.  Well, it's sold out.
Okay...
So you want me to tell Matthias to come out here?
NO. PATRICE.
Ah! Okay!

It was like that.  One I am super excited that Merwan was about to tell me the hotel because I didn't know we were tight like that and two uhh what was that about the show being sold out?  I don't even know.

 

SO MUCH DENIM

IT IS ACTUALLY KIND OF REVOLTING

Anyway guess what.  Merwan is a LIAR and he did not send me Patrice.  I knew I should never trust the evil clown. But while I was waiting I struck up a conversation with the girls next to me.  I wasn't feeling very good (already sleep-deprived, smart) so they offered to help me scream Patrice's name.  They were sweet.

Oh and I guess I haven't yet explained the location of the Zoono.  You see, the Halle Tony Garnier is apparently two buildings, one of which is the stage and the other of which is the dressing rooms, and there's a parking lot in between.  Uh... huh.  And the Zoono is off to the side of the parking lot, so fans can hang on the bars and watch the actors coming and going in various stages of undress.  It's awesome.

 

Here is Albert Cohen in the parking lot.

There was one glorious moment where Solal in full-on Leopold gear came up to the Zoono to say something to someone and I ran over like CAN WE TAKE A PICTURE in English because I thought maybe he would go  Oh it's you!  like Merwan had but instead he just went A pikcherrr, sure!  in a way that was clearly intended to mock me.

 

FINE SOLAL BE LIKE THAT

He was also concerned about all the bars but I was like IT DOESN'T MATTER THIS IS THE ZOONO AND THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT

I LOVE THE ZOONO

I saw Patrice passing through the parking lot in those gold breeches from Penser l'Impossible and a big flowy white shirt and a little cap over his hair for wig purposes.  Me and the sisters went Patriiiiiiiiiiiiiiice but he did not pause.  He was in the distance, you see.

And that was kind of how it went.  I stayed out there through the whole show, loving watching the Troupe pass in their costumes, yelling PATRIIIIICE whenever appropriate, and re-enacting scenes from the show to amuse the French fans.

 

The whole Zoono was covered in graffiti like this.  I loved it.

Notable moments included Flo passing for the first time and waving when one of the sisters screamed for him, which made her burst into tears.  O...kay.  Guess I shouldn't tell her about how Flo is legally bound to marry me.  Except later I did randomly say something pissy about Tamara and how she's so nice but I wish I could hate her and the girl goes Why? and I go Because she's with Flo and whoooops she literally ran off weeping.  I felt like the biggest jerk ever.  SEE WHAT YOU DID FLO AND TAMARA  except I love them both.  So I was like, If it makes you feel better, we're in the same bateau because I watched Patrice and that dancer named Bérénice suck each others' faces off for like a really long time in Lille.  They were not discreet but since I was not in love with him at the time it was whatevs.  And the girl was like No that doesn't quite make me feel better sorry and I'm like LET'S JUST BE FOREVER ALONE TOGETHER

Anyway then the show ended and I saw Patrice get on the bus with everyone else (PATRIIIIIIIIIICE PATRIIIIIIIIIICE nothing) and they all drove off into the night.

GAH FINE.

So I went back to the hotel, found Joanna, admitted that I had no news of the Troupe's hotel except that it was kinda far, and went down to the lobby to use the wifi and be like MAKTAV COME ON and stuff.

Just as I was about to turn in, a fan I recognised from facebook wandered into the lobby too.  We started kinda talking and then we ended up chatting and giggling and gossipping until FIVE IN THE MORNING.  Not smart of me.  Because she returns later in the story, I'll just say that her name was Severine and she was hilarious.  I did notice that she was negative--she claimed Flo was her favourite but all she did was insult him, for example--but I was so excited to be speaking French so successfully that I didn't mind.  My favourite part was when we started going through the pictures on Bérénice's fanpage and being like OMG THAT IS QUITE A NOSE.  I had told her that Patrice and I would have a baby with a giant chin and she replied Well, it's better than the baby he'd make with Bérénice! and we were like LOL MOST UNFORTUNATE BABY EVER.  So you see, it was mean-spirited.  My other favourite part was when we were talking about how lackluster Flo has been onstage lately (you remember his BORING Victime de ma victoire from Dijon) and I was like It's weird, seems like the last time he was great was in Strasbourg.  And she went ...Isn't Strasbourg when you left him for Patrice? and we were both like LOLOL OMG IT'S TRUE FLO IS HEARTBROKEN AND IT'S MY FAULT!  

You can see why I enjoyed her company.

Three hours of sleep later, my alarm went off.  I dragged myself together and prepared for another day at the Zoono.

This time I brought the dolls.

 

I asked Diane to fetch me Patrice and she looked a little confused but agreed.  Then I asked Yamin to fetch me Patrice and he was like He isn't here yet.  And I was like ...? but Joanna said he was joking.  I call that LYING.  Yamin why are you the most confusing human being on the planet?

And then Flo came by.  Oh my poor Flo I am such a douche.  When he saw me his whole face lit up into a big gorgeous smile just like it did in Bruxelles and he went 'Heyyy!"  I sort of hey'd back and then after a second I just said, "I'm looking for Patrice."

Omg Flo was so startled.  He made a huge wtf face and after a second went "O- okay.  I will call him." and I just kinda went "Thaaaaanks."

Because the thing is I have professed my love for Flo TO FLO more than once.  And like I said in a previous entry, it's not his fault I'm leaving him!  Though right now at this instant I just don't know.  But at the time I was like FLOLOL I CANNOT BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT

A second later I saw Patrice crossing between the two buildings with Matthias.  He was grinning hugely and he patted Matthias on the shoulder and went inside.  Matthias came to the fence.

BUT PATRICE NO I WANT TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN GIVING OUT DOLLS

Matthias

He says things like I was so sad not to have one, what you're doing is magnificent, and then... We're going to make a film with your dolls.

WHAT REALLY

And then he sent out Ariane for her one.

Ariane

I think she was in the middle of saying she'd seen the Colloredo doll, because somewhere in the course of that video she says his is "mortelle" and stuff.  She's so cute.  I love that she said it was trop belle because to me the Ariane doll was just kind of meh.  It was so sweet.  And then she was like Okay what can I do for you.  Do you want-- a picture?  Do you want a picture?  We'll do a picture. 

So we did.

 

I have one other picture with her from the PDS, and in that one we look like we're besties and a slumber party.  Apparently me and Ariane just love each other.

Actually though I've loved her ever since that time at Amnéville when, one hour before showtime, she passed me and Joanna and was like Uhhh which direction is the Galaxie? and we were like It's the giant stadium on top of the hill Ariane.  She's so odd but I like her a lot.  And she's really grown into the role of Maman Weber.

Anyway.  As she was leaving I was like Can you PLEASE tell Patrice to come over here?? and she was like Of course bff!  And in she went.

And finally.  Finally Patrice came over.  He was half-dressed in the gold breeches and the flowy white shirt and the silly white wig-cap thing and I noticed that he was this really cute gangly way of walking like he's taller than he realises he is or something.  Also he was limping a bit so maybe that had something to do with it.  He came up to me and I was like :D Hiiiiiiiii and he was like :) Heyy and I was like Uhhhhh oh whoops because all the conversation I had prepared was doll-based and I'd already given out the dolls.  And everything else went out of my head because HIS EYES ARE SO HUGE I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.  So I was like Was it you who sent Matthias over? and he went Yeah and I was like :D THANKS and then I was like Oh uhhhh I sent you a message and he was like Yeah I just saw it and I was like You haven't been on facebook much this week and he was like Nope.  And I was like Uhhhh so what's your hotel?  and he told me its name and what street it was on which thank GOODNESS Joanna heard because I did not understand any of it.  I actually had to stick my whole head through the bars because I could not hear him very well over the screaming fans.   I asked him if he knew the hotel in Rennes and he was like Nope.  

WHAT A CONVERSATIONALIST.  But I already knew this and it was my own dang fault for forgetting that I had Whovian things to say as well.

So then we both stood there for a second and there was no Marjo to propose a new conversation topic, so instead he just started signing things and then he went back inside.

And I was immediately like JOANNAAAAAAAAA HE HAATES MEEEEEEEEEE and she was like No I think he was just trying to think of something to SAY and I was like BUHHHH WELL I WILL BE READY NEXT TIME.

So once the show started me and Joanna went back to our hotel where I changed into a lighter shirt because IT WAS SO HOT OMG and I was already sunburnt as a mofo and then we went to Part Dieu and got some Asian food and came back to the Halle Tony Garnier and the wonderful Zoono just as the show was ending.

 

By the way, we'd already encountered Cosplay Cassandre who is desperately in love with Nuno (perhaps you remember that I saw her in Dijon as well) and her little friend Kathelyne who is FOURTEEN YEARS OLD.

We went back to the Zoono and a lot of people came by to do autographs...

 

That's a dancer who I *think* is named Marie.  I know all the danseurs like whoa, but when it comes to danseuses I only really know two or three...

 

I really adore Estelle.

And then I was able to continue my quest for dancer flotos when Nico and Hédi came by!

 

  

Omg omg omg omg look at Hédi he is so cute and adorable and shy.  DO YOU WANT TO BE MY NEW FAVOURITE HÉDI?? I HAVE AN OPENING RIGHT NOW.

Also if you're wondering like Jacinta was, Hédi is not a tiny tiny midget human but actually I was standing on the ledge that is at the bottom of the Zoono and he was down in the parking lot.  When I stood up straight most of the cast was about level with my ribcage.

And then my poor Floflo came back.

Oh Floflo what have I done to you.

The crowd was thick and screamy as it usually is when he's around, so I just stood there and let the fans smoosh me onto the bars and I just smiled passively at him.  He smiled back.  And then he got his sassy face on.

UH-OH FLO'S GONNA BE SASSY EVERYBODY BUCKLE UP.

I know the Sassy Face.  It means that he wants to say something tease-y but he's hesitating because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt any feelings.  So he is kind of turned to me but not actually looking at me, instead kind of glancing up at me out of the corner of his eye while he signs autographs.  And he's got his lips pursed and stuck out in a little smirk.  Can you imagine the Sassy Face?  Because that's what it's like.

So I was waiting for it and finally he gets up his nerve and goes, with the most forceful tone ever, "You see?? I got him for you."

Seriously the tone of those words can only be conveyed if I were to go put them in italics and also smirk while reading them.  I was a little taken aback but he was keeping his twisted-up little smile on.  It actually took me a second to follow because it had been HOURS but finally I realised he meant Patrice!

LOL FLO ARE YOU SERIOUS

So I went "Oh, it was YOU who sent him out?"

And with exactly the same about of sass Flo went "YA."

So I just went  "Thaaaanks, you're the best." in the most flippant way ever.

LOL OMG FLO IF YOU AREN'T JEALOUS THEN TELL YOUR FACE AND YOUR TONE

HAHAHA MY LIFE

Whooooooooo anyway.

Marjolaine came out to sign stuff, and Joanna had a picture of Josepha and Da Ponte for her.  She'd made Patrice sign it earlier that day, and when Marjo got it she was like OHHH DA PONTE and she drew hearts between the two of them, so I muttered "Nonnn je suis trop jalouse!" and Marjo kind of grinned though she didn't really acknowledge whether or not she recognised me.

And then!  Then Laurie came out and was doing autographs, and as she passed me she chirped "Ça va Eh-reen?  Ay loff mai doll.  Ay loff eet!" and I was like OMFG LAURIE YOU JUST KNEW MY NAME SOMEHOW and I was all :DDDDDD and then she said what Matthias had said, which is that they're doing some kind of movie thing.  OMG MOVIE THING!!!!  I hope Mas is directing a dolly version of the show where everybody is playing themselves.  And I asked Laurie if, since I was going to be sitting at the Zoono through the entire evening show, she could ask Patrice to stop by when he was Da Ponte to take a floto with me.  She said she'd ask him.

And then a second later, guess who came back out!

It was clear he was looking for me, so I waved a little and Patrice came straight over.  Except he looked like he had something REALLY URGENT to say and he was limping kinda fast.  For a second I was worried that some horrible mistake had been made of some kind and he needed it to be corrected at once.  But I cannot imagine what kind of mistake this might have been.

Before he started talking he noticed my knitted TARDIS camera case and kind of chuckled and poked it and went "J'adore." and I was like :DDD NERDY FUTURE HUSBAND ILU.  But then it was SRS BSNS time again so I leaned in to hear.

His question was Do you know the dancer Bérénice?

Omfg are you freaking kidding me.  Yes I do recall the dancer who was attached to the end of your face in Lille Patrice Maktav but since you hadn't been seen with her since then I was trying to convince myself to forget she was an obstacle in my plan to marry you and become a French housewife.

And then he goes She wants a doll.

OH DOES SHE.  WELL I WANT HER BOYFRIEND.  LET'S WORK OUT A TRADE.

I was a little floored but I awkwardly explained that I'd been thinking about doing smaller dolls for all the dancers--and by the way, this was a goal I set for myself as a no-way-I-could-do-this-but-wouldn't-it-be-surprising-and-great-if-I-could kind of way.  So I mentioned my nebulous plan to make the dancers little dolls too and Patrice effing Maktav kind of wrinkled his nose and went ...Smaller?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW

And then he was like Well she really wants a doll.  She wants a doll of her in her costume when she's in the crowd of girls at the beginning.

And I was like During Penser l'impossible?

And he goes Yeah that.  Okay great.

Trying to hold myself together, I was like Oh um did you talk to Laurie?  and he went Yeah... If I come back later it'll be dark.  and I was like I do have flash.  and he was like Well alright.

And he starts to walk away, but stops for a second to sign autographs.

...

...

...are you kidding me.

And Severine, my buddy who'd been making Bérénice jokes with me the night before, goes Well, what did he want?

And I know I had the biggest shocked face ever when I turned around and went Biatch just told me to make Bérénice a doll!  And she was like NO. HE. DID. NOT.  And I was like Yeah, it just happened.  Holy crap he broke my heart.  My heart.  Is broken.  And she just kind of nodded sympathetically.

Meanwhile Patrice got to where Flo was in the line and pretended to kick Flo in the ankles, which made Flo retaliate by pretending to kick him back, and then they just busted out into a straight-up game of footsie and I was like ARE YOU TWO IN LOVE? DO YOU WANT TO BOTH MARRY ME?

DANSEUSESSSSS I HATE YOU ALL

ALL OF YOU

 EVEN THE NICE ONES

GAH

So I looked at the other fans and I was like Okay.  I'm trying not to weep hysterically.  If he comes and takes a Da Ponte floto with me it will be okay.  We'll make it all okay.

So we continued to hang at the Zoono.

We saw a soccer game break out, which was all kinds of excellent.

That's Nuno in the sleeveless white shirt and long pants, J-P Asian in the long blue pants, Valery in the sleeveless white shirt and short pants, Flo behind the car in the brown shirt and shades, Merwan in the denim shirt and long pants.

You see Floflo headbutt the ball around the :58 mark.

Not long after I cut off my camera Flo tried to kick the ball and kind of tripped over it and ended up flailing his arms and spinning around several times with his feet all tangled together. He JUST managed to not fall and all the fans cheered. It was weirdly graceful in an outrageously clumsy way.  And a few minutes after that Patrice came out in his wig cap and his half costume and joined in.

Meanwhile Cosplay Cassandre was screaming DESPERATELY for Nuno but he would just wave and keep playing.  I have since learned that maybe he does not care for her very much and was specifically not coming to the fence because she was there.  Hmm.  She started complaining because she had been there since Wednesday and Nuno hadn't come over to talk to her once.  AND THEN she was like I've been sleeping on the streets for this!!  and everyone went bwahhh?

The child and her fourteen-year-old friend hadn't had enough money for a hotel, so they had legit been sleeping on the streets of Lyon.

Bwahhh?

They actually asked us to come back to our hotel and sleep on the floor that night and Joanna persuaded me to say yes (I am so glad we did.  They're sweet girls, albeit QUITE unbalanced.)

And then a huge fight broke out between Cosplay Cassandre and Severine and her friends and I was like GOOD LORD DRAMA so I just returned to staring at the now-empty parking lot.  It was getting dark at that point.

The show finally began, and Joanna and I waited with Cosplay Cassandre and this other girl and her little brother.  I was still doing my same I LOVE DA PONTE DESPITE THE FACT THAT MAKTAV JUST BROKE MY HEART BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET A DA PONTE FLOTO YEAHHHH IT'S GONNA BE SO GREAT MAYBE I'LL MAKE IT MY AVATAR ON THE OFFICIEL FORUM OH MAN I CANNOT WAIT I WONDER IF HE'LL LET ME TOUCH THE DA PONTE WIG

Aaaaand as you guessed, he stood me up.  The show was clearly ending and no one had come up to the fence.

We had to leave to take the métros and trams and such to their hotel.

So I was plopped down on the curb in front of the Troupe's hotel and I was like... well okay, as long as he has an excuse.  Any excuse.  Maybe Albert Cohen told him not to go near fans in costume.  Or maybe he didn't have time.  Or even if he just says he forgot!  Alright.  He'll come explain.

And then the Troupe's bus pulled up.  I got to my feet and but didn't go to the front of the crowd.

Sure enough, Maktav gets off the bus, spots me, and hurries over, all urgent again.  I was ready.  Let's hear it, Patrice Maktav.

He pulled out his phone and shoved it in my face.  There was a picture of a dancer on it in her Mascarade costume.  IT'S HER, said Patrice Maktav.  Do you know her?

...yes.  I know her.

Okay, he said.  She wants a doll.

And as he was turning to leave he must have seen the expression on my face, because he touched my arm for a second and went "Ça va?" but without waiting for a response he went into the hotel.

...

...are you kidding me

And all the other fans crowded around like, So? Why didn't he come?  What did he say?  Did he have a reason?

And I burst into tears.

Which made them all start hugging me and going Oh noooo what's wroooong? and that made me cry more.

Please do remember that I'd had three hours of sleep and I was really sunburned at this point before you judge me.

And so I just went and sat on the curb and cried.

A second later Nuno appeared from somewhere, so I pulled myself together and went to ask for a floto since he was in a good mood.  When he saw me, Nuno smiled and went "Heyyyy!" and put one hand in the air for what I assumed was a high-five, but then he just kind of clasped my hand for a while and went "Ça va?"  Not really Nuno, but you just recognised me for the first time so I do feel somewhat better.

 

Nunooooo!  I have loved him for almost as long as I have loved Mikele and Flo, believe it or not!  Yayyy Nuno.

Also check my rad sunburn.

Not long after Nuno went inside I plopped down on the curb again.  Inside the hotel all sorts of strange things were happening--for instance, Yamin appeared wearing nothing but a towel and wandered around for a long time.  I don't even know.

I realised that I had not seen my favourite Italian in the Troupe (BURRRRN MAS!) and I was like... You know what will make me feel so much better?  An awkwardly long hug from Mikelangelo Loconte.  So I was determined to wait until that sparkly lil moflo appeared because I knew he would be nice to me.

I have changed SO MUCH since PDS, haven't I?  Haha.  Well, Mikele loves me now.

And sure enough, he finally appeared!  I know now to always approach him from the non-Mèche side when demanding a floto because if you're on the wrong side he will turn his back to you to make sure the Mèche is in the picture, so I went around the outside of the group of girls and burrowed my way in.  When Mikele saw me he was all AHH!  And he pulled me into a massive hug (yayy!) and started singing American woman!! again.  He sang a little bit more but to be honest I don't even know that song.  He kissed my cheeks three times and then just held me there with his glorious runny makeup and we posed for a floto that he kind of failed at posing for.

 

Oh Past Self, sad dumpy girl on the futon who had a hand-drawn poster of Mikele (by Katherine!) surrounded by glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on the ceiling of her dorm room to gaze at every night as she fell asleep, how I wish I could show you this picture.

Also how does he always end up looking so much taller than me in pictures?  I PROMISE he are the same height.  Maybe it's because I'm so hunched.

And then once he released me Mikele started being all Oh but you know what? I used to go to the same gym as Lenny Kravitz!  Yeah, and he signed up for the yoga class but he never paid for it!  or something like that and I was like ...hnf? Because there was something really weird about him continuing to talk to me.  He yells things to me and he touches me a lot but that's the first time he's ever actually told me a story.  Aw my Mikele.

Then I saw a few dancers come out, calling a taxi so they could party it up Lyon-style I guess.  One of them was one of the Alexandres with whom I hadn't ever had a picture!!  The other two I think were Nico and Hédi again.  So I went over and was like ALEXANDRE ON PEUT FAIRE UNE PHOTO and he was like um wtf okay



Now I only lack ONE dancer floto, and that is the other Alexandre, the one who looks like he's seventeen years old.

Anyhow so I waited until Mikele was inside before I finally set off with Joanna and the two gamines for our hotel.  I was so tired and so pissed at Patrice that I may have sulked all the way back.  And once we got to the hotel and, with a bit of difficulty, smuggled the children upstairs, I brought my laptop down to the lobby and was like WHO WILL LISTEN TO MY STORY OF WOE AND REJECTION.  While I was using like ten different websites to complain to like ten different people in two different languages I got a message from Severine, who had stayed behind at the Troupe's hotel in hopes of seeing Flo.

The message said, "G vu patrice et je lui ai di kil viene te voir demain" which is textspeak for "I saw Patrice and I told him to see you tomorrow."

So then I get all AHHH AND WTF because what why what did she say where did she see him omg what's going on no

But finally around 5am I dragged my emotional self upstairs, did my best not to step on the gamines, and got three more hours of sleep.

The next morning at hotel breakfast I saw Severine and demanded further information on this Patrice situation.  The woman had GONE INTO THE HOTEL in search of Flo (bad! bad fan!) and she told me she had seen Patrice in there and had told him to talk to me.  She said that he had said "Erin ne va pas bien à cause de moi?" and that was the whole story ACCORDING TO SEVERINE.  She then told me that Nuno had done an impromptu guitar concert for her and the other fans who had come into the hotel (NUNO YOU SHOULDN'T REWARD THEIR BEHAVIOUR) and Flo had showed up super late and reeking of alcohol.  She also was FURIOUS that Flo had dared to put an arm around Tamara even though she, Severine, was standing right there.  lol Severine YOU WENT INTO THE MAN'S HOTEL.  He has every right to put an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders IN HIS OWN HOTEL, whether he knows you're nearby or not.  She was also disgusted that Flo had called Tamara "Na-noo" or something.  I hope what really happened was he was so drunk he just got lost on his way to seducing Nuno because that would be awesome.

Before people reading this form an opinion on our Floflo though, bear in mind that Severine is a very negative person and, as I found out later, A LIAR.

Because when we got to the hotel that morning I encountered another fan who was in the Troupe's hotel, this time because she was actually staying there, and she had seen Severine talk to Patrice.  In her version of the story, LAURIE WAS THERE.  Oh God.  In her version of the story, Severine had marched up to Patrice and said Erin is sad and it's your fault, so you have to talk to her tomorrow.  And in her version of the story Patrice had been totally shocked and Laurie too, and Laurie had said But why is she sad?? and Severine had just said Talk to her tomorrow.

OH GOD OH GOD

NO

Because what do I say?  What do I say when Patrice Maktav comes limping up to me in his hipster shades and his hair all flow-y and amazing and says something weird like Why were you weeping?  I can't just pretend I'm not upset because I'm a little too angry to spare his feelings but I don't want him to feel all bad at the same time and I especially don't want to be like Oh nothin' I'm just jealous of your girlfriend.

I mean listen.  We have all read my stagedoor stories and we all know that Patrice is socially retarded and tactless.  You saw my JEAN-PAUL video where I'm trying to give him a present and he keeps screaming at J-P Asian.  THAT WAS HIS GOOD BEHAVIOUR.  I was weeping out of exhaustion and disappointment but seriously it was a total overreaction and there is no need to TELL PATRICE MAKTAV about it.

So I was like Oh no.  What do I even do about this.

Meanwhile dancers were loading up onto the bus.  I kept my distance because I was hoping Patrice would just get on the bus and go on his way and if he was worried about me he could send me a facebook message, but he did not come out with the dancers.  Laurie did however, and she waved at me so I grinned back hugely.

I was only at the hotel door that morning because I wanted a Floto.  I felt terrible about having abused my Floflo the day before, especially now that Patrice was failing me, and I wanted to have a moment to reaffirm my love for him before I went back home.  I wanted to make sure he knew I'm still his fan.

Soon after that Marjolaine came out, and Joanna went forward to ask for a floto or to get another picture signed or somesuch.  As soon as she spotted me Marjo went "Je connais ces lunettes de soleil! Ça va, Erin?" and I was like wait does Marjolaine Piémont think my sunglasses are stupid? but more importantly SHE KNOWS MY NAME TOO aaand she recognised me with half my face covered in plastic!

She INSISTED on taking a floto which was really awesome.

 

And when Joanna approached her she was like, I love how you're always so shy! and Joanna was delighted at having been recognised too.   Yayyy Marjo!

So yeah, it's thanks to Patrice that Marjo and Laurie know my name and recognise me so of course I forgive him for breaking my heart.

The bus pulled away, taking with it most of the Troupe.

And then the doors opened and Patrice came out.

My immediate reaction was to turn my head away and swear under my breath.  I actually did a lot of swearing this past weekend, and it is not something I do often.  Something about being surrounded by French people who for the most part don't know what you're saying AND being exhausted AND being pissed and heartbroken.  Anyway I was not very far away, but I was still behind a couple little clumps of fans.

And as soon as he approached them, every single one turned and looked at me.

I shook my head, and when he asked if they had seen me they were all like Hmmm nope?

You guys, he was really concerned.  GOOD.  He was really troubled when he turned and went back into the hotel, and a moment later he reappeared with his suitcase and he climbed into the Mozart van.

I continued to wait further away so he wouldn't see me.  Six hours of sleep in three days--c'est pas bien ça.  But it really did help my aching heart wound to see that he did care about me a little bit as a person--enough to be worried about me, anyhow--and not just as a doll-producing knitting machine.  Because I think what really hurt was that every other time he was so personable, like worrying when I said I'd fell down or worrying that my hotel might be too far away or whatever, but this time it was just like My girlfriend wants a doll.  That was why being treated specially by Mikele (and Nuno!!) made me feel a little bit better the night before.  I know it's weird of me to spend all my money (and now all my parents' money yayyy) travelling around France just to see a group of actors who the majority of the world wouldn't recognise as famous, but these people mean SO MUCH to me and I like thinking that I mean something to at least a few of them.  And I'm sorry, but was I wrong in thinking that Patrice Maktav really liked me?  I mean, what was all that ne sois pas triste car nous avons nos poupées avec nous c'est un peu de toi avec nous bisous stuff or starting a chat with me all "Erin !!!" or even ohh.. j'essayerai d'avoir une place" I mean really.  What about when he already knew I had a life-sized TARDIS because he'd stalked my facebook photos or when he said "your a good girl a great person"?  WHERE DID THAT GO and why won't he talk to me on facebook anymore?  What did I do wrong in Dijon?  Because last time I saw him in Dijon he was banging on the bus window to get my attention but ever since then he's all Meh and he didn't answer my message about the hotel and every time I see he's on chat he immediately logs off...

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO OUR LOVE
I WISH I UNDERSTOOD
IT USED TO BE SO NICE IT USED TO BE SO GOOD

Anyway sorry small explosion there.

But I DID NOT START THIS THING WITH PATRICE MAKTAV.  HE STARTED THIS.  So what did I do to just make it all stop?

I really thought that he was going to at some point send me some kind of Ça va message on facebook, but yesterday while I was knitting I was online all day.  And so was he.  And he did not send me a message or start a chat or anything.  I even went back to my first ever floto with him from the PDS and tagged him in it, then quickly tagged Nuno in a floto in the same album so it would be less obvious I was just trying to get Maktav to creep on me again.  You know what happened?  Nuno commented on the floto with him.  Maktav?  Nothing.  In fact, he went offline for about an hour after I tagged him, but then he showed up again and stayed online the whole rest of the day.

Whoops sorry I went off again.  I'm just kind of depressed about this situation.  Obviously.

Anyway.  So it was Sunday, I was at the hotel and Maktav was in a van.

A minute later Flo came out and went straight toward the van, burying himself into the crowd.  He stopped to take a couple Flotos so I had this weird moment where I was like OMG I NEED TO GO TO FLO but at the same time going closer meant risking Maktav seeing me from inside the van so I was like ahhhhhh OKAY IT'S WORTH IT and I sneaked over and got all up in the crowd.  Unfortunately Flo was all rushed, but as he was opening the van door he saw me and we smiled at each other, and once he was buckled in we smiled at each other again, so phew!  At least he knows I love him.  I do, though.  I love you, Florent Mothe.  Never ever get hurt or let anything bad happen to you ever because it will rip my soul out of my chest.

Mikele came out too, makeup-free and all NO I'M LATE! and threw himself into the van and away it went.

We waited  with Cosplay Cassandre and her tiny friend for Nuno, and when he came into the hotel lobby and saw that she was waiting for him I saw a look of disgust cross his face.  But once he was out the door he was totally cordial and bisous'd her but told her he was super late for the show.  Yet when he saw me and Joanna he stopped and asked if Joanna wanted him to sign the picture in her hand.

It was pretty magnificent: it was a picture Joanna had taken during the show of the Emperor and Monsieur Stephanie, but when she'd given it to Jean Michel to autograph he had signed it "Fridolin." This is hilarious because 1. the man's name is Jean Michel and 2. it was a picture of the emperor, not Fridolin!!  So I joked that she should ask Nuno to sign it Joseph Lange since it was a picture of Stephanie.  And that's exactly what she asked him to do, and that's exactly what he did.  It was awesome.

And that was it.  I did not go back to the Zoono but instead installed myself at a McDonalds at Part Dieu and used their free wifi while simultaneously losing consciousness every few minutes due to my acute exhaustion.  Then once the wifi there gave out I dragged myself over to the train station and just sat there staring at the wall for a few hours.  I saw the two gamines come by but I did NOT feel like making complete sentences so I moved to another waiting area on the other side of the station.  I slept all the way back on the train, dragged myself back to the house, and collapsed.

I have done nothing but knit and sulk since my return... I know, it's pathetic.  I should really focus on all the people in the Troupe who know my name or this reported doll move or Ariane's precious reaction but I cannot move past this Maktav thing.

We're going to Rennes Saturday.  I've already finished two dolls and hope to whip out a third maybe.  We'll see what happens.

But seriously, third party types... did I do something wrong here?  Did I overstep the fan boundaries or something?

Comments

[caliypsoe.livejournal.com]

First of all, reading about your France adventures are totally taking my mind off boy issues of my own so thank you. ^_^

Secondly. You are definitely NOT overstepping any fan boundaries here. Don't worry about that.
Are you 100% sure she's his girlfriend? Theater people are really close. Could it be possible that she's just a backstage buddy of his who is very jealous of his doll? And are you sure she actually made a comment to him about chilling out with "the American fan"? Maybe he just had some sort of strange realization that he's being too forward with you and decided to back off himself. Maybe you just need to initiate that cute chemistry you two had before and it'll be alright again.

Also. Flo's "Sassy face". That's so hilarious and adorable. He's a keeper. XD (No really, work on keeping that one!)

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

I did see Bérénice and Patrice making out in Lille back in January, so I'm pretty sure they at least were in a relationship if they aren't still. But it sounds to me like they still are...

As for the thing about her making a comment, I have no proof of it. I just made that up as an explanation for why Patrice Maktav doesn't seem to love me anymore because it's what made sense in my head.

Last time he talked to me on facebook was before Dijon when he offered me a free ticket to the show simply because I said I couldn't afford to go. And in Dijon he was really cute and really cared about me and the last time we saw each other was when he noticed me from the bus and knocked on the window and waved frantically and then was twisting around in his seat to watch me as the bus drove away. A few days later I sent him a fb message like omg thanks for being so nice and also where will the hotel be in Lyon? He never answered that, so that Friday after he didn't see me I sent him a message like :( I was yelling your name also where is your hotel? but apparently he didn't see that till he was already at the Zoono or something. Needless to say, he never answered it.

What continues to befuddle me is that he was told I was upset because of him (AND BY THE WAY I even have a fb status in French that's like "Sorry to all the fans who were in front of the hotel with me Saturday night--I was exhausted and emotional. I just needed sleep." so a quick stalk of my fb would confirm that something WAS wrong) yet the man who used to start chats with me and send me messages so sweet they made me cry did not make any sort of move to find out if I was okay. And like I said, yesterday we were both on fb chat ALL DAY except when he disappeared for an hour after I tagged him in one of my old flotos.

I'll be the first to admit that I can be paranoid about human relationships BUT this is really translating to me as he does not want to communicate with me via facebook. I can't think of any other possible meaning--and believe me, I'd love to.

LOL THIS IS NOT A REAL BOY TROUBLE but I am treating it as such

[caliypsoe.livejournal.com]

Aww =(

Maybe he doesn't know what to do with an emotional girl because of his awkwardness? I know it's hard but try not to dissect his behavior too much. Socially awkward people are a confusing breed. >.>

Are you going to make Bérénice a doll? Lol You should refuse to give it to her unless he's there too.

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

Well there's a little break coming up in all this stagedoor stalking and my plan WAS to make a batch of little dancer dolls, throw them in a bag, and give it to Patrice and be like PASS THESE OUT BFF. I think I'll do that anyway. Now my plan is to make sure one of those dolls is Bérénice. I'll pin a little note to that one so she can feel like she's special I guess but, as I said on the Florum, there will be bitterness in every stitch.

[caliypsoe.livejournal.com]

Perhaps perform a couple of voodoo rituals on it before delivering them? Maybe stabbing a Bérénice doll a few dozen times will help with your frustration...XD

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

Omg genius!!

[kaiserinerzsi.livejournal.com]

Again I am sorry you were left feeling so disappointed by what happened, I hope this coming weekend brings better things for you!
I believe though that whatever the issue is with Patrice, Flo knows about it. They are buddies and it's quite possible that Patrice might have said something when he went to fetch him for you.
Interesting observation regarding Nuno and the little girls! I wonder if they are constantly harassing him.

[demeteraus.livejournal.com]

I still think Berenice has something to do with it.

Also: yay! I got a mention for thinking Hedi was a tiny tiny midget human! :P But I think it's weird to see him compared to the dancers now because of this floto. It's just been installed into my brain that Hedi is really that small, despite your explanation.

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

Honestly? If it's not her fault that means he just decided to hate me.

[demeteraus.livejournal.com]

No, but why WOULD he decide to hate you? You were DOCTOR WHO buddies. You made him a TARDIS hat. I'd probably move to a country where gay marriage is legal if you gave me a TARDIS hat so I could marry you and I'm not even gay. Why on earth would he go all cold after that without someone else's imput?

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

Literal flolz over here at your TARDIS hat scenario.

Or I don't know maybe it is all just a fluke of social awkwardness and nothing is wrong at all. I'll have more evidence to back up one side or the other of the story after Rennes I guess. I sure ain't sending Flo in after Patrice this time though because I learned my lesson on that front. .01 seconds of Flo smiling at you is a guaranteed way to be reminded that life is amazing, whereas a conversation with Patrice could go either way...

[yvonnejanvier.livejournal.com]

"I was using like ten different websites to complain to like ten different people in two different languages"
You know what they say, blogs are just like group therapy. And if they weren't for complaining, then they'd be pretty much useless.

LETS JUST BE FOREVER ALONE TOGETHER sounds totally like something from awkward romantic movie for socially challenged nerds. Somebody needs to use it, really.

You haven't done anything wrong. And it's very likely Bérénice told him to back off. (I can't blame her, though. Who wouldn't be jealous? ;-)) Or maybe it's all due to something completely different and we'll never now so we'll just go on and blame it all on his girlfriend ;-D

Floflo still loves you! *starts thinking about Flo and immediately goes AWWWWWWWWWWW and is unable to write anymore*

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

One of the people I complained to suggested that he might be afraid to say something to me, so maybe he and I both spent the whole day yesterday just staring at each others' lil avatars on facebook chat going COME ONNNNNN WHY DO YOU HATE MEEEE or something.

Or my other theory, as you well know, is that Bérénice grounded him off of communicating with me because she either thought I was getting the wrong idea (and I clearly was) or because she was JALOUSE. When I told the story to my mom she was like "I think he had a fight with his dancer girlfriend over you and he wanted you to make her a doll to prove that she's more important to him than you are. After the free ticket and all the talking on facebook I can see why she'd feel threatened. Also wasn't there some joke last time about someone sending you to his hotel room?" SO THANKS A LOT MARJO FOR DESTROYING MY FUTURE MARRIAGE TO PATRICE MAKTAV GAH.

AND YES I still have Flo's precious lovvveee!



I may have run off with Maktav but now I'm looking over my shoulder like WHOOPS did I leave too soon?

Haha right now I just don't have a favourite. It's either Flo or Maktav or Nuno or Mikele. They are all four my favourite. Hmph.

[yvonnejanvier.livejournal.com]

That's very likely. There should be some conversation handbook for all the awkward and shy folks. "What to do and say when it's more awkward than usually" or something like that :-D

This gif is just so amusing I spend a few minutes staring at it again, when I should be doing something productive...

We should just kidnap them all, then.

[vivelaverite.livejournal.com]

Hey. I know we haven't talked too much yet, but I'm the new fan of Flo/MOR who posted here a little while back.

Anyway.

You did say Patrice was socially awkward. Maybe he's not that used to fans coming up to him and all that often. I know that you two have been on facebook together and all, but this may be a little strange for him. Nothing against you, of course; it probably would have gone the same with anyone. In addition, he does have a girlfriend. He may just be one of those guys that feel like they can't talk to ANY OTHER girls at all if they have a girlfriend. Yes, you two have been talking and all. But maybe Berenice (excuse my lack of accents) saw his facebook or something, and maybe she noticed that you two were talking a lot. She may not understand that you're not trying to be better than her or whatever. And that may explain the doll thing too. But yeah, that's pretty rude of Patrice to just get up in your face about "Yeah, Berenice wants a doll now that LOOKS JUST LIKE THIS."

That is nice though that you have established such a good relationship with like 98% of the MOR troupe (including dancers!). They obviously care a lot about you. I mean, just look at how Mikele was hugging you there! They obviously love you, and you should remember that when Patrice is being weird again. Oh, and I think Flo was just messing with you. You probably just surprised him, asking about Patrice.

And I don't think that you overstepped the fan boundaries at all. If anyone did, it's Severine for reportedly going into their hotel. That's over the boundary for sure. After all, they are people too. You and Patrice had a connection; for goodness sake, you even talked over facebook! You have every right to want to talk to him in person! Seriously, this has nothing to do with you. You did everything right. Patrice just has issues now or something.

Hopefully this helps...I'm not the best with relationships, I suppose.

(does the icon help? if you can't read, it's: "it's a flomance"...)

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

My poor Patrice has NO IDEA what to do with having fans. That was really charming when he was like obsessed with me but this past week it was... well, upsetting, to say the least.

lol poor lil Flo. Half the time I accidentally say something rude to him because he makes me nervous and the other half the time I am writing him love letters. If anyone in the Troupe has the right to hate me it is Florent Mothe but I'm really glad he's chosen to love me instead. And omg yes my lil Mikele. I just have like overwhelmingly intense love for all of these people... clearly.

Okay well, I go to Rennes Saturday to give out a couple more dolls (none of which are for dancers because I haven't finished the TROUPE yet Patrice Maktav) and I'll see how Patrice acts around me. I'll try to make sure I'm as level-headed and normal as possible when I see him and maybe we can just move forward and put this behind us or something? Ugh whatever. Nuno is my facebook friend and Flo is in love with me and Mikele gives me awkardly long hugs and Marjo and Laurie know my name and they're filming a movie with my dolls so really I think I can managed to find SOME way to keep myself from being too whiny about this whole thing.


ETA: AND YES that is a BEAUTIFLO icon!!

[vivelaverite.livejournal.com]

Yes, I can definitely see that. I don't know very much about Patrice, given how little he does interviews and all like Flo and Mikele, but from what you have said, he seems more than a little awkward. This radical change in his behavior's a little weird (well, more than a little), and I'm definitely thinking that Berenice had something to do with it now.

I know the feeling. I've met a couple of "stars", and every time, I freak out. I just get so nervous over how to talk to them! And I shouldn't, because they're still people like us. Florent probably loves you because you seem so honest with him. You're not attacking him like other fans do, and you can talk to him like he's more than just a star, which he probably appreciates. And Mikele is just adorable. It's hard to believe sometimes that he's older than Flo...when he acts younger than him.

Oh, well, Patrice is just going to have to deal with it. You don't HAVE to do anything for these people; you choose to because you love them. He shouldn't expect anything of you, and if he's unhappy, then that's his problem. Focus on Nuno and Flo and all the rest, and you should be fine.

Oh, and the movie idea sounds amazing. Hopefully they'll put it on YouTube or something... :)

Haha, thanks. I was trying to think of something cute to do, and that just came to me. Flomance, bromance...

[angely78.livejournal.com]

I'm seconding (thirding? something?) the girlfriend theory. Because that happens. Sometimes. It's entirely possible that poor socially awkward Patrice got busted for what he saw as something completely innocent and sweet and fun and what she saw as OMG THREATENING AMERICAN BOY STEALER. Or something. I don't know. Some women are weird.

You're still awesome.

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

SOMEONE TELL BÉRÉNICE I HAVE TO LEAVE IN MAY AND WILL HAVE NO TIME TO ACTUALLY STEAL HER BOYFRIEND

GAH

Seriously though if it IS her fault she should maybe get a clue that her boyfriend is trying to be a famous actor and if she loves him enough to want him to succeed she might want to get used to him having fans and maybe not persuade him to drive his fans away.

STILL SULKING. Rennes is tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.

[mmebahorel.livejournal.com]

As someone who has "stalked" actors for more than ten years, I can tell you that actors are weird. Let's face it - guys are not great with communications, then add on top of it that actors are flaky. Any relationship a fan has with an actor is entirely in the actor's hands and can and will change at any time, without notice, based on god only knows what. It's almost never anything you the fan did - sometimes it's what other fans have done. Sometimes it's the realisation that maybe he was being too encouraging for his long-term comfort level. Maybe someone said something to him. Maybe in his personal life, he's totally only thinking about Bérénice and being an utter moron. (because really, going begging for a gift for his girlfriend and not couching it as "the dancers hope that some day you'll get around to making dolls for them, too" is damned clueless and girlfriend-centred.) Hell, I've gotten defriended on facebook by a friend (not an actor, but in the theatre business) because management didn't like his off-the-clock interactions with patrons. Were that friend an actor, I could believe that, too. (it was nothing I did - someone else ruined it for everybody, which is usually how it goes.)

There's nothing you can do because it's all him. You had every right to be taken aback by his moronic request, and I completely understand how it ended up making everything else awkward (I have lots of experience at awkward stage door conversations). At the next stop, just avoid him. I mean, don't seek him out, concentrate on everyone else. Either it'll blow over, or someone will give him a clue that his request was thoughtless (not because you have a crush on him but because you have obviously not been making dolls to order) and he'll apologise.

But remember: men suck at communication, and actors are flaky. Put these together, and while what happened wasn't exactly expected, it's kind of explained. But it was definitely all him - you've done nothing wrong.

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

>>At the next stop, just avoid him. I mean, don't seek him out, concentrate on everyone else.

That's wise advice. If he comes up to me in Rennes I'll be pleased and happy to see him but if he asks me about the doll for his freakin girlfriend I will dump him and go back to Flo so fast it'll make his hipster shades fall off. And I will politely inform him that I will begin work on ALL the dancer dolls for the next time and Bérénice will be included. Pfft.

[digne.livejournal.com]

Here's a thought: Maktav is afraid of Flo beating him up for stealing his fans. And Flo has spies everywhere. Maktav is scared.

I didn't see anyone suggest this idea (although I might have missed it), so just saying. ;-)

[yvonnejanvier.livejournal.com]

I like this theory very much :-D

[digne.livejournal.com]

*g* Thanks!

Maktav should be afraid of Flo. The man does write assasymphonys after all.

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

You know, at first I was like flol that's so funny and silly but then I thought about it and I was like ...it's scary how much sense this makes.

Heck, maybe Maktav was originally cast as Salieri but Flo threatened to bash in Dove's kneecaps and changed his minds. I mean just look at those eyes. The man is clearly pure evil.

[digne.livejournal.com]

Pure evil!



Sorry, I couldn't stop myself. Unfortunately I don't know enough French to French-ify it.

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

1. Will you marry me because that made me literally flol way too much

2. It can be in English because it's Flo!

[digne.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I'm glad I've been able to amuse you as I've enjoyed your posts so much. Keep it up. Keep your chin up!

And in trying to French-ify the graphic, I was just trying to add French words to flavor it, but I had no idea what gangsta French would be like. *g*

[ulkis.livejournal.com]

Nah, you didn't do anything. He probably just felt he was starting to be too chummy. I doubt his girlfriend had anything to do with it.

Anyway, you're pretty and funny and sweet. Fuggedaboutim. (Or rather, remember this time as the spring you had a whirlwind time with Maktav, heh.)

[apollinnaire.livejournal.com]

one, I FREAKIN LOVE YOUR ENTRIES!!!11!!111 please never stop writing them! I feel like I really and actually and positively LIVE my adoration for MOR through you! (sad lifeless me is still in the lying alone in dormroom looking at fluorescent stars on the ceiling and losing hope of ever meeting The People phase)

two, you look AMAZING in those pictures! you're glowing! how can you do that running on 3-hours of sleep?! a normal person would look like poop. I hate you for always looking so good in any and every picture you take!

I'm so sorry about the Maktav thing. But like... there HAS to be a way around it, right? I found it a little tactless of him to ask you so bluntly to knit a doll for his gf. I mean... come on, it's visible that you love those people, you're not supposed to be but an emotionless dollmaker - at least he should have paid you some coffee before asking, right? socially awkward guy is awkward.

and I know this sounds silly and normally I would say crying for such a thing is silly BUT... I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE JDHEWGFYGFYGFWWJDBHFHFNXXC. And you described it perfectly. Staring at nothing at a train station, exhausted and heartbroken, that's so déjà vu, I've SO been there. And unfortunately, heartbreak is always damn painful, whichever the circumstances. A few years ago I fell in deep love with this poet/pianist who played in a band and almost ended up wasting my savings to go to Japan to see a concert of his. Actually, back then, I first visited Paris just to see a concert of his too. Then I learnt he was engaged and cried/starved/fidgeted around in deep discomfort for a full year. So... since then I no longer call passionate reactions silly. I actually think they're what makes us human. And what makes life worth living. Those passions that make your heart beat unhealthily fast and to which you can never find a rational explanation nor objectify the reason why you simply "love". Anyhow.

I think you need to get out of that situation. If you let Maktav know you broke down "because" of him, he might freak out. One because he's socially retarted. Two, because he has a bitch. And he might just be going like man, I need to back off, that girl's falling for me and I can't let that happen, she's gonna get hurt. Which is still inconsistant with his asking for a doll for The Bitch. So... he's probably right now wondering what to do and (in case that girl didn't tell him - which I think she did, the mean kid...) what went wrong. If I were you I would start myself the conversation and send him a message with a big blunt lie. Such as, I broke down because my dog died, y'know. And when he asks why he was told different go like "duuude, no idea what'chou talking about... u nuggets?"

And so when he's a little calmer and less bemused about it, try to regain his kindness back. If his bitch wants a doll, give her one - (note, don't hide cyanid inside!). But use it as a bit of a blackmail excuse. Like. Here's the doll for your bitch, now come drink coffee with me. You might not be able to destroy their relationship (let's be realistic, it would be a little mean) but at least you gain some time spent with the guy...? come on, not all good moments are about immediate love - some are about platonic love.

on to bashing some mean girlfriends:

- just checked pictures of tha bitch and she's like... OLD? she has a pretty face but it looks like she stretched her skin with massive plastic surgery.
- never paid attention to berenice's dancing but Tamara's dancing is hideous for a professional ballerina. yes, I did classical ballet since my 3 years old, I can tell good dancer from bad dancer. she doesn't hold it naturally en pointe, making her dislocation look forced and "jumpy". she also lacks grace in her moves. I haven't danced in 3 years yet with some dedication and sweat I could perform better than that. in "je dors sur des roses" she does it in an almost tired way at the slow points and there are limps exploding everywhere in a really ungraceful way at the fast parts. she's also got a butt too wide for a ballet dancer. that doesn't go with her slim frame. which probably makes her lose balance while en pointe. well, I can't say she's ugly, though. But she's cliché-faced.

[lesmisloony.livejournal.com]

This whole response brings me so much delight.

Your advice is wise and your observations are trufax. Apologies for not saying more and stuff as I'm just dropping by our hotel between bouts of Rennes hoteldooring and stuff but I read this comment like ten times before I fell asleep last night and it brought me happiness each time.

[prouvairesylvie.livejournal.com]

Gah, maybe this girlfriend of his (and/or the fear of Flo's jealous wrath)is why no one ever stops him for autographs or posts about him on other forums. D:

Aw, hon, I was so sad to read all this, but I don't think you've done anything wrong at all. I'm gonna second everyone's opinions about him just being socially retarded; I'm sure he didn't mean to make you feel like an unfeeling knitting machine it sounds like he doesn't even realize he upset you. And who knows what he was thinking at the time? Maybe his girlfriend pressed the doll-issue with him, and he felt uncomfortable/embarrassed about asking and that's why he was so short with you?

Anyways, I hope things go SO MUCH BETTER for you at Rennes, but you still have Flo and Mikele's love, which is incredible, no matter what! (Though what was up with Mikele's make-up?)