Lyon, or the time Da Ponte broke my heart
Apr. 15th, 2011 12:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lesmisloonyWhatever happened to our love?
I wish I understood
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good...
lol okay.
So as you may have heard, Patrice Maktav broke my heart in Lyon. And then a few hours later he stomped on it. He honestly does not know or understand what he has done, but that does not change my melancholy.
But a lot of really good things happened too, and some of them are entirely thanks to Maktav! So I will not give up on you, Patrice Maktav. I will simply... I guess I'll just... gah I don't know. I'm just gonna have to see what happens in Rennes. I have not really changed my behaviour since Strasbourg, which was when I fell in love with him, and I have definitely not changed my behaviour since Dijon when he was banging on a bus window to wave at me, so I don't know what's gone wrong between us.
Here follows my CR of Lyon.
The best part was when Flo got jealous.
So I arrived in Lyon pretty early and I illegally hopped a tram like a BAMF to get to our hotel, which I couldn't find for forever. I finally got checked in and was told that wifi only works on the ground floor, so I laid down across the bed and fell asleep for like a billion hours instead of doing tourist things. By the time I got myself pulled together it was getting kind near showtime, so I forwent my fake lashes for the first time in a long time (too sleeepyyyyy) and bought a transportation pass so I could be legal and I took a combination of trams and métros over to the basic neighbourhood of the Halle Tony Garnier. Unfortunately I got turned around and some shop guy didn't even know where the thing was so I had to get directions from this random urchin but finally I saw a familiar fence and then a crowd of girls and I realised I had arrived at the legendary Zoono.
Okay, lemme 'splain. The day I met Lara and Joanna they were showing me their old pictures from stagedooring on the tour last year, and they had met in Lyon. There is a big massive fence and the actors poke their heads through the bars to take pictures with you. I found this HILARIOUS and compared it to a Mozart zoo several times. Then in the picture with Nuno I went IT LOOKS LIKE A ZOONO and ever since I have referred to that fence as the Zoono and, for some reason, it has become like a sacred Mozartienne touchstone to me. I was like, I am not a real fan unless I have seen the Zoono. And when I was standing at that fence, I was somehow more excited to be at the famous Zoono than I was, like, the first time I went into the Louvre. My level of joy was comparable to the delight I felt when we were in the Victor Hugo museum. It was silly and intense.
Anyway, Merwan was already at the Zoono, so I installed myself at the end of the line. I did not yet know the hotel and was hoping Mr Maktav would fill me in on that one, so when Merwan came by I decided to speak English to him.
It went like this. I wil italicise the parts that were in French because lol Merwan was not playing English with me.
Merwan? Will you tell Patrice the American is here?
Oh, it's you!
Yes! And I have a doll for Matthias but I left it in my hotel because I didn't know if... if he was gonna come by. So I'll give it to him tomorrow in front of your hotel.
In front of which hotel?
Yours. You know.
Oh! You know the name of the hotel?
No...
Ah, it's... it's... *looks around at all the other fans* it's pretty far from here.
Uh. Okay.
Do you have a ticket for the show tonight?
No, it's too expensive.
Oh! Well. Well, it's sold out.
Okay...
So you want me to tell Matthias to come out here?
NO. PATRICE.
Ah! Okay!
It was like that. One I am super excited that Merwan was about to tell me the hotel because I didn't know we were tight like that and two uhh what was that about the show being sold out? I don't even know.
SO MUCH DENIM
IT IS ACTUALLY KIND OF REVOLTING
Anyway guess what. Merwan is a LIAR and he did not send me Patrice. I knew I should never trust the evil clown. But while I was waiting I struck up a conversation with the girls next to me. I wasn't feeling very good (already sleep-deprived, smart) so they offered to help me scream Patrice's name. They were sweet.
Oh and I guess I haven't yet explained the location of the Zoono. You see, the Halle Tony Garnier is apparently two buildings, one of which is the stage and the other of which is the dressing rooms, and there's a parking lot in between. Uh... huh. And the Zoono is off to the side of the parking lot, so fans can hang on the bars and watch the actors coming and going in various stages of undress. It's awesome.
Here is Albert Cohen in the parking lot.
There was one glorious moment where Solal in full-on Leopold gear came up to the Zoono to say something to someone and I ran over like CAN WE TAKE A PICTURE in English because I thought maybe he would go Oh it's you! like Merwan had but instead he just went A pikcherrr, sure! in a way that was clearly intended to mock me.
FINE SOLAL BE LIKE THAT
He was also concerned about all the bars but I was like IT DOESN'T MATTER THIS IS THE ZOONO AND THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT
I LOVE THE ZOONO
I saw Patrice passing through the parking lot in those gold breeches from Penser l'Impossible and a big flowy white shirt and a little cap over his hair for wig purposes. Me and the sisters went Patriiiiiiiiiiiiiiice but he did not pause. He was in the distance, you see.
And that was kind of how it went. I stayed out there through the whole show, loving watching the Troupe pass in their costumes, yelling PATRIIIIICE whenever appropriate, and re-enacting scenes from the show to amuse the French fans.
The whole Zoono was covered in graffiti like this. I loved it.
Notable moments included Flo passing for the first time and waving when one of the sisters screamed for him, which made her burst into tears. O...kay. Guess I shouldn't tell her about how Flo is legally bound to marry me. Except later I did randomly say something pissy about Tamara and how she's so nice but I wish I could hate her and the girl goes Why? and I go Because she's with Flo and whoooops she literally ran off weeping. I felt like the biggest jerk ever. SEE WHAT YOU DID FLO AND TAMARA except I love them both. So I was like, If it makes you feel better, we're in the same bateau because I watched Patrice and that dancer named Bérénice suck each others' faces off for like a really long time in Lille. They were not discreet but since I was not in love with him at the time it was whatevs. And the girl was like No that doesn't quite make me feel better sorry and I'm like LET'S JUST BE FOREVER ALONE TOGETHER
Anyway then the show ended and I saw Patrice get on the bus with everyone else (PATRIIIIIIIIIICE PATRIIIIIIIIIICE nothing) and they all drove off into the night.
GAH FINE.
So I went back to the hotel, found Joanna, admitted that I had no news of the Troupe's hotel except that it was kinda far, and went down to the lobby to use the wifi and be like MAKTAV COME ON and stuff.
Just as I was about to turn in, a fan I recognised from facebook wandered into the lobby too. We started kinda talking and then we ended up chatting and giggling and gossipping until FIVE IN THE MORNING. Not smart of me. Because she returns later in the story, I'll just say that her name was Severine and she was hilarious. I did notice that she was negative--she claimed Flo was her favourite but all she did was insult him, for example--but I was so excited to be speaking French so successfully that I didn't mind. My favourite part was when we started going through the pictures on Bérénice's fanpage and being like OMG THAT IS QUITE A NOSE. I had told her that Patrice and I would have a baby with a giant chin and she replied Well, it's better than the baby he'd make with Bérénice! and we were like LOL MOST UNFORTUNATE BABY EVER. So you see, it was mean-spirited. My other favourite part was when we were talking about how lackluster Flo has been onstage lately (you remember his BORING Victime de ma victoire from Dijon) and I was like It's weird, seems like the last time he was great was in Strasbourg. And she went ...Isn't Strasbourg when you left him for Patrice? and we were both like LOLOL OMG IT'S TRUE FLO IS HEARTBROKEN AND IT'S MY FAULT!
You can see why I enjoyed her company.
Three hours of sleep later, my alarm went off. I dragged myself together and prepared for another day at the Zoono.
This time I brought the dolls.
I asked Diane to fetch me Patrice and she looked a little confused but agreed. Then I asked Yamin to fetch me Patrice and he was like He isn't here yet. And I was like ...? but Joanna said he was joking. I call that LYING. Yamin why are you the most confusing human being on the planet?
And then Flo came by. Oh my poor Flo I am such a douche. When he saw me his whole face lit up into a big gorgeous smile just like it did in Bruxelles and he went 'Heyyy!" I sort of hey'd back and then after a second I just said, "I'm looking for Patrice."
Omg Flo was so startled. He made a huge wtf face and after a second went "O- okay. I will call him." and I just kinda went "Thaaaaanks."
Because the thing is I have professed my love for Flo TO FLO more than once. And like I said in a previous entry, it's not his fault I'm leaving him! Though right now at this instant I just don't know. But at the time I was like FLOLOL I CANNOT BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT
A second later I saw Patrice crossing between the two buildings with Matthias. He was grinning hugely and he patted Matthias on the shoulder and went inside. Matthias came to the fence.
BUT PATRICE NO I WANT TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN GIVING OUT DOLLS
Matthias
He says things like I was so sad not to have one, what you're doing is magnificent, and then... We're going to make a film with your dolls.
WHAT REALLY
And then he sent out Ariane for her one.
Ariane
I think she was in the middle of saying she'd seen the Colloredo doll, because somewhere in the course of that video she says his is "mortelle" and stuff. She's so cute. I love that she said it was trop belle because to me the Ariane doll was just kind of meh. It was so sweet. And then she was like Okay what can I do for you. Do you want-- a picture? Do you want a picture? We'll do a picture.
So we did.
I have one other picture with her from the PDS, and in that one we look like we're besties and a slumber party. Apparently me and Ariane just love each other.
Actually though I've loved her ever since that time at Amnéville when, one hour before showtime, she passed me and Joanna and was like Uhhh which direction is the Galaxie? and we were like It's the giant stadium on top of the hill Ariane. She's so odd but I like her a lot. And she's really grown into the role of Maman Weber.
Anyway. As she was leaving I was like Can you PLEASE tell Patrice to come over here?? and she was like Of course bff! And in she went.
And finally. Finally Patrice came over. He was half-dressed in the gold breeches and the flowy white shirt and the silly white wig-cap thing and I noticed that he was this really cute gangly way of walking like he's taller than he realises he is or something. Also he was limping a bit so maybe that had something to do with it. He came up to me and I was like :D Hiiiiiiiii and he was like :) Heyy and I was like Uhhhhh oh whoops because all the conversation I had prepared was doll-based and I'd already given out the dolls. And everything else went out of my head because HIS EYES ARE SO HUGE I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. So I was like Was it you who sent Matthias over? and he went Yeah and I was like :D THANKS and then I was like Oh uhhhh I sent you a message and he was like Yeah I just saw it and I was like You haven't been on facebook much this week and he was like Nope. And I was like Uhhhh so what's your hotel? and he told me its name and what street it was on which thank GOODNESS Joanna heard because I did not understand any of it. I actually had to stick my whole head through the bars because I could not hear him very well over the screaming fans. I asked him if he knew the hotel in Rennes and he was like Nope.
WHAT A CONVERSATIONALIST. But I already knew this and it was my own dang fault for forgetting that I had Whovian things to say as well.
So then we both stood there for a second and there was no Marjo to propose a new conversation topic, so instead he just started signing things and then he went back inside.
And I was immediately like JOANNAAAAAAAAA HE HAATES MEEEEEEEEEE and she was like No I think he was just trying to think of something to SAY and I was like BUHHHH WELL I WILL BE READY NEXT TIME.
So once the show started me and Joanna went back to our hotel where I changed into a lighter shirt because IT WAS SO HOT OMG and I was already sunburnt as a mofo and then we went to Part Dieu and got some Asian food and came back to the Halle Tony Garnier and the wonderful Zoono just as the show was ending.
By the way, we'd already encountered Cosplay Cassandre who is desperately in love with Nuno (perhaps you remember that I saw her in Dijon as well) and her little friend Kathelyne who is FOURTEEN YEARS OLD.
We went back to the Zoono and a lot of people came by to do autographs...
That's a dancer who I *think* is named Marie. I know all the danseurs like whoa, but when it comes to danseuses I only really know two or three...
I really adore Estelle.
And then I was able to continue my quest for dancer flotos when Nico and Hédi came by!
Omg omg omg omg look at Hédi he is so cute and adorable and shy. DO YOU WANT TO BE MY NEW FAVOURITE HÉDI?? I HAVE AN OPENING RIGHT NOW.
Also if you're wondering like Jacinta was, Hédi is not a tiny tiny midget human but actually I was standing on the ledge that is at the bottom of the Zoono and he was down in the parking lot. When I stood up straight most of the cast was about level with my ribcage.
And then my poor Floflo came back.
Oh Floflo what have I done to you.
The crowd was thick and screamy as it usually is when he's around, so I just stood there and let the fans smoosh me onto the bars and I just smiled passively at him. He smiled back. And then he got his sassy face on.
UH-OH FLO'S GONNA BE SASSY EVERYBODY BUCKLE UP.
I know the Sassy Face. It means that he wants to say something tease-y but he's hesitating because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt any feelings. So he is kind of turned to me but not actually looking at me, instead kind of glancing up at me out of the corner of his eye while he signs autographs. And he's got his lips pursed and stuck out in a little smirk. Can you imagine the Sassy Face? Because that's what it's like.
So I was waiting for it and finally he gets up his nerve and goes, with the most forceful tone ever, "You see?? I got him for you."
Seriously the tone of those words can only be conveyed if I were to go put them in italics and also smirk while reading them. I was a little taken aback but he was keeping his twisted-up little smile on. It actually took me a second to follow because it had been HOURS but finally I realised he meant Patrice!
LOL FLO ARE YOU SERIOUS
So I went "Oh, it was YOU who sent him out?"
And with exactly the same about of sass Flo went "YA."
So I just went "Thaaaanks, you're the best." in the most flippant way ever.
LOL OMG FLO IF YOU AREN'T JEALOUS THEN TELL YOUR FACE AND YOUR TONE
HAHAHA MY LIFE
Whooooooooo anyway.
Marjolaine came out to sign stuff, and Joanna had a picture of Josepha and Da Ponte for her. She'd made Patrice sign it earlier that day, and when Marjo got it she was like OHHH DA PONTE and she drew hearts between the two of them, so I muttered "Nonnn je suis trop jalouse!" and Marjo kind of grinned though she didn't really acknowledge whether or not she recognised me.
And then! Then Laurie came out and was doing autographs, and as she passed me she chirped "Ça va Eh-reen? Ay loff mai doll. Ay loff eet!" and I was like OMFG LAURIE YOU JUST KNEW MY NAME SOMEHOW and I was all :DDDDDD and then she said what Matthias had said, which is that they're doing some kind of movie thing. OMG MOVIE THING!!!! I hope Mas is directing a dolly version of the show where everybody is playing themselves. And I asked Laurie if, since I was going to be sitting at the Zoono through the entire evening show, she could ask Patrice to stop by when he was Da Ponte to take a floto with me. She said she'd ask him.
And then a second later, guess who came back out!
It was clear he was looking for me, so I waved a little and Patrice came straight over. Except he looked like he had something REALLY URGENT to say and he was limping kinda fast. For a second I was worried that some horrible mistake had been made of some kind and he needed it to be corrected at once. But I cannot imagine what kind of mistake this might have been.
Before he started talking he noticed my knitted TARDIS camera case and kind of chuckled and poked it and went "J'adore." and I was like :DDD NERDY FUTURE HUSBAND ILU. But then it was SRS BSNS time again so I leaned in to hear.
His question was Do you know the dancer Bérénice?
Omfg are you freaking kidding me. Yes I do recall the dancer who was attached to the end of your face in Lille Patrice Maktav but since you hadn't been seen with her since then I was trying to convince myself to forget she was an obstacle in my plan to marry you and become a French housewife.
And then he goes She wants a doll.
OH DOES SHE. WELL I WANT HER BOYFRIEND. LET'S WORK OUT A TRADE.
I was a little floored but I awkwardly explained that I'd been thinking about doing smaller dolls for all the dancers--and by the way, this was a goal I set for myself as a no-way-I-could-do-this-but-wouldn't-it-be-surprising-and-great-if-I-could kind of way. So I mentioned my nebulous plan to make the dancers little dolls too and Patrice effing Maktav kind of wrinkled his nose and went ...Smaller?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW
And then he was like Well she really wants a doll. She wants a doll of her in her costume when she's in the crowd of girls at the beginning.
And I was like During Penser l'impossible?
And he goes Yeah that. Okay great.
Trying to hold myself together, I was like Oh um did you talk to Laurie? and he went Yeah... If I come back later it'll be dark. and I was like I do have flash. and he was like Well alright.
And he starts to walk away, but stops for a second to sign autographs.
...
...
...are you kidding me.
And Severine, my buddy who'd been making Bérénice jokes with me the night before, goes Well, what did he want?
And I know I had the biggest shocked face ever when I turned around and went Biatch just told me to make Bérénice a doll! And she was like NO. HE. DID. NOT. And I was like Yeah, it just happened. Holy crap he broke my heart. My heart. Is broken. And she just kind of nodded sympathetically.
Meanwhile Patrice got to where Flo was in the line and pretended to kick Flo in the ankles, which made Flo retaliate by pretending to kick him back, and then they just busted out into a straight-up game of footsie and I was like ARE YOU TWO IN LOVE? DO YOU WANT TO BOTH MARRY ME?
DANSEUSESSSSS I HATE YOU ALL
ALL OF YOU
EVEN THE NICE ONES
GAH
So I looked at the other fans and I was like Okay. I'm trying not to weep hysterically. If he comes and takes a Da Ponte floto with me it will be okay. We'll make it all okay.
So we continued to hang at the Zoono.
We saw a soccer game break out, which was all kinds of excellent.
That's Nuno in the sleeveless white shirt and long pants, J-P Asian in the long blue pants, Valery in the sleeveless white shirt and short pants, Flo behind the car in the brown shirt and shades, Merwan in the denim shirt and long pants.
You see Floflo headbutt the ball around the :58 mark.
Not long after I cut off my camera Flo tried to kick the ball and kind of tripped over it and ended up flailing his arms and spinning around several times with his feet all tangled together. He JUST managed to not fall and all the fans cheered. It was weirdly graceful in an outrageously clumsy way. And a few minutes after that Patrice came out in his wig cap and his half costume and joined in.
Meanwhile Cosplay Cassandre was screaming DESPERATELY for Nuno but he would just wave and keep playing. I have since learned that maybe he does not care for her very much and was specifically not coming to the fence because she was there. Hmm. She started complaining because she had been there since Wednesday and Nuno hadn't come over to talk to her once. AND THEN she was like I've been sleeping on the streets for this!! and everyone went bwahhh?
The child and her fourteen-year-old friend hadn't had enough money for a hotel, so they had legit been sleeping on the streets of Lyon.
Bwahhh?
They actually asked us to come back to our hotel and sleep on the floor that night and Joanna persuaded me to say yes (I am so glad we did. They're sweet girls, albeit QUITE unbalanced.)
And then a huge fight broke out between Cosplay Cassandre and Severine and her friends and I was like GOOD LORD DRAMA so I just returned to staring at the now-empty parking lot. It was getting dark at that point.
The show finally began, and Joanna and I waited with Cosplay Cassandre and this other girl and her little brother. I was still doing my same I LOVE DA PONTE DESPITE THE FACT THAT MAKTAV JUST BROKE MY HEART BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET A DA PONTE FLOTO YEAHHHH IT'S GONNA BE SO GREAT MAYBE I'LL MAKE IT MY AVATAR ON THE OFFICIEL FORUM OH MAN I CANNOT WAIT I WONDER IF HE'LL LET ME TOUCH THE DA PONTE WIG
Aaaaand as you guessed, he stood me up. The show was clearly ending and no one had come up to the fence.
We had to leave to take the métros and trams and such to their hotel.
So I was plopped down on the curb in front of the Troupe's hotel and I was like... well okay, as long as he has an excuse. Any excuse. Maybe Albert Cohen told him not to go near fans in costume. Or maybe he didn't have time. Or even if he just says he forgot! Alright. He'll come explain.
And then the Troupe's bus pulled up. I got to my feet and but didn't go to the front of the crowd.
Sure enough, Maktav gets off the bus, spots me, and hurries over, all urgent again. I was ready. Let's hear it, Patrice Maktav.
He pulled out his phone and shoved it in my face. There was a picture of a dancer on it in her Mascarade costume. IT'S HER, said Patrice Maktav. Do you know her?
...yes. I know her.
Okay, he said. She wants a doll.
And as he was turning to leave he must have seen the expression on my face, because he touched my arm for a second and went "Ça va?" but without waiting for a response he went into the hotel.
...
...are you kidding me
And all the other fans crowded around like, So? Why didn't he come? What did he say? Did he have a reason?
And I burst into tears.
Which made them all start hugging me and going Oh noooo what's wroooong? and that made me cry more.
Please do remember that I'd had three hours of sleep and I was really sunburned at this point before you judge me.
And so I just went and sat on the curb and cried.
A second later Nuno appeared from somewhere, so I pulled myself together and went to ask for a floto since he was in a good mood. When he saw me, Nuno smiled and went "Heyyyy!" and put one hand in the air for what I assumed was a high-five, but then he just kind of clasped my hand for a while and went "Ça va?" Not really Nuno, but you just recognised me for the first time so I do feel somewhat better.
Nunooooo! I have loved him for almost as long as I have loved Mikele and Flo, believe it or not! Yayyy Nuno.
Also check my rad sunburn.
Not long after Nuno went inside I plopped down on the curb again. Inside the hotel all sorts of strange things were happening--for instance, Yamin appeared wearing nothing but a towel and wandered around for a long time. I don't even know.
I realised that I had not seen my favourite Italian in the Troupe (BURRRRN MAS!) and I was like... You know what will make me feel so much better? An awkwardly long hug from Mikelangelo Loconte. So I was determined to wait until that sparkly lil moflo appeared because I knew he would be nice to me.
I have changed SO MUCH since PDS, haven't I? Haha. Well, Mikele loves me now.
And sure enough, he finally appeared! I know now to always approach him from the non-Mèche side when demanding a floto because if you're on the wrong side he will turn his back to you to make sure the Mèche is in the picture, so I went around the outside of the group of girls and burrowed my way in. When Mikele saw me he was all AHH! And he pulled me into a massive hug (yayy!) and started singing American woman!! again. He sang a little bit more but to be honest I don't even know that song. He kissed my cheeks three times and then just held me there with his glorious runny makeup and we posed for a floto that he kind of failed at posing for.
Oh Past Self, sad dumpy girl on the futon who had a hand-drawn poster of Mikele (by Katherine!) surrounded by glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on the ceiling of her dorm room to gaze at every night as she fell asleep, how I wish I could show you this picture.
Also how does he always end up looking so much taller than me in pictures? I PROMISE he are the same height. Maybe it's because I'm so hunched.
And then once he released me Mikele started being all Oh but you know what? I used to go to the same gym as Lenny Kravitz! Yeah, and he signed up for the yoga class but he never paid for it! or something like that and I was like ...hnf? Because there was something really weird about him continuing to talk to me. He yells things to me and he touches me a lot but that's the first time he's ever actually told me a story. Aw my Mikele.
Then I saw a few dancers come out, calling a taxi so they could party it up Lyon-style I guess. One of them was one of the Alexandres with whom I hadn't ever had a picture!! The other two I think were Nico and Hédi again. So I went over and was like ALEXANDRE ON PEUT FAIRE UNE PHOTO and he was like um wtf okay
Now I only lack ONE dancer floto, and that is the other Alexandre, the one who looks like he's seventeen years old.
Anyhow so I waited until Mikele was inside before I finally set off with Joanna and the two gamines for our hotel. I was so tired and so pissed at Patrice that I may have sulked all the way back. And once we got to the hotel and, with a bit of difficulty, smuggled the children upstairs, I brought my laptop down to the lobby and was like WHO WILL LISTEN TO MY STORY OF WOE AND REJECTION. While I was using like ten different websites to complain to like ten different people in two different languages I got a message from Severine, who had stayed behind at the Troupe's hotel in hopes of seeing Flo.
The message said, "G vu patrice et je lui ai di kil viene te voir demain" which is textspeak for "I saw Patrice and I told him to see you tomorrow."
So then I get all AHHH AND WTF because what why what did she say where did she see him omg what's going on no
But finally around 5am I dragged my emotional self upstairs, did my best not to step on the gamines, and got three more hours of sleep.
The next morning at hotel breakfast I saw Severine and demanded further information on this Patrice situation. The woman had GONE INTO THE HOTEL in search of Flo (bad! bad fan!) and she told me she had seen Patrice in there and had told him to talk to me. She said that he had said "Erin ne va pas bien à cause de moi?" and that was the whole story ACCORDING TO SEVERINE. She then told me that Nuno had done an impromptu guitar concert for her and the other fans who had come into the hotel (NUNO YOU SHOULDN'T REWARD THEIR BEHAVIOUR) and Flo had showed up super late and reeking of alcohol. She also was FURIOUS that Flo had dared to put an arm around Tamara even though she, Severine, was standing right there. lol Severine YOU WENT INTO THE MAN'S HOTEL. He has every right to put an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders IN HIS OWN HOTEL, whether he knows you're nearby or not. She was also disgusted that Flo had called Tamara "Na-noo" or something. I hope what really happened was he was so drunk he just got lost on his way to seducing Nuno because that would be awesome.
Before people reading this form an opinion on our Floflo though, bear in mind that Severine is a very negative person and, as I found out later, A LIAR.
Because when we got to the hotel that morning I encountered another fan who was in the Troupe's hotel, this time because she was actually staying there, and she had seen Severine talk to Patrice. In her version of the story, LAURIE WAS THERE. Oh God. In her version of the story, Severine had marched up to Patrice and said Erin is sad and it's your fault, so you have to talk to her tomorrow. And in her version of the story Patrice had been totally shocked and Laurie too, and Laurie had said But why is she sad?? and Severine had just said Talk to her tomorrow.
OH GOD OH GOD
NO
Because what do I say? What do I say when Patrice Maktav comes limping up to me in his hipster shades and his hair all flow-y and amazing and says something weird like Why were you weeping? I can't just pretend I'm not upset because I'm a little too angry to spare his feelings but I don't want him to feel all bad at the same time and I especially don't want to be like Oh nothin' I'm just jealous of your girlfriend.
I mean listen. We have all read my stagedoor stories and we all know that Patrice is socially retarded and tactless. You saw my JEAN-PAUL video where I'm trying to give him a present and he keeps screaming at J-P Asian. THAT WAS HIS GOOD BEHAVIOUR. I was weeping out of exhaustion and disappointment but seriously it was a total overreaction and there is no need to TELL PATRICE MAKTAV about it.
So I was like Oh no. What do I even do about this.
Meanwhile dancers were loading up onto the bus. I kept my distance because I was hoping Patrice would just get on the bus and go on his way and if he was worried about me he could send me a facebook message, but he did not come out with the dancers. Laurie did however, and she waved at me so I grinned back hugely.
I was only at the hotel door that morning because I wanted a Floto. I felt terrible about having abused my Floflo the day before, especially now that Patrice was failing me, and I wanted to have a moment to reaffirm my love for him before I went back home. I wanted to make sure he knew I'm still his fan.
Soon after that Marjolaine came out, and Joanna went forward to ask for a floto or to get another picture signed or somesuch. As soon as she spotted me Marjo went "Je connais ces lunettes de soleil! Ça va, Erin?" and I was like wait does Marjolaine Piémont think my sunglasses are stupid? but more importantly SHE KNOWS MY NAME TOO aaand she recognised me with half my face covered in plastic!
She INSISTED on taking a floto which was really awesome.
And when Joanna approached her she was like, I love how you're always so shy! and Joanna was delighted at having been recognised too. Yayyy Marjo!
So yeah, it's thanks to Patrice that Marjo and Laurie know my name and recognise me so of course I forgive him for breaking my heart.
The bus pulled away, taking with it most of the Troupe.
And then the doors opened and Patrice came out.
My immediate reaction was to turn my head away and swear under my breath. I actually did a lot of swearing this past weekend, and it is not something I do often. Something about being surrounded by French people who for the most part don't know what you're saying AND being exhausted AND being pissed and heartbroken. Anyway I was not very far away, but I was still behind a couple little clumps of fans.
And as soon as he approached them, every single one turned and looked at me.
I shook my head, and when he asked if they had seen me they were all like Hmmm nope?
You guys, he was really concerned. GOOD. He was really troubled when he turned and went back into the hotel, and a moment later he reappeared with his suitcase and he climbed into the Mozart van.
I continued to wait further away so he wouldn't see me. Six hours of sleep in three days--c'est pas bien ça. But it really did help my aching heart wound to see that he did care about me a little bit as a person--enough to be worried about me, anyhow--and not just as a doll-producing knitting machine. Because I think what really hurt was that every other time he was so personable, like worrying when I said I'd fell down or worrying that my hotel might be too far away or whatever, but this time it was just like My girlfriend wants a doll. That was why being treated specially by Mikele (and Nuno!!) made me feel a little bit better the night before. I know it's weird of me to spend all my money (and now all my parents' money yayyy) travelling around France just to see a group of actors who the majority of the world wouldn't recognise as famous, but these people mean SO MUCH to me and I like thinking that I mean something to at least a few of them. And I'm sorry, but was I wrong in thinking that Patrice Maktav really liked me? I mean, what was all that ne sois pas triste car nous avons nos poupées avec nous c'est un peu de toi avec nous bisous stuff or starting a chat with me all "Erin !!!" or even ohh.. j'essayerai d'avoir une place" I mean really. What about when he already knew I had a life-sized TARDIS because he'd stalked my facebook photos or when he said "your a good girl a great person"? WHERE DID THAT GO and why won't he talk to me on facebook anymore? What did I do wrong in Dijon? Because last time I saw him in Dijon he was banging on the bus window to get my attention but ever since then he's all Meh and he didn't answer my message about the hotel and every time I see he's on chat he immediately logs off...
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO OUR LOVE
I WISH I UNDERSTOOD
IT USED TO BE SO NICE IT USED TO BE SO GOOD
Anyway sorry small explosion there.
But I DID NOT START THIS THING WITH PATRICE MAKTAV. HE STARTED THIS. So what did I do to just make it all stop?
I really thought that he was going to at some point send me some kind of Ça va message on facebook, but yesterday while I was knitting I was online all day. And so was he. And he did not send me a message or start a chat or anything. I even went back to my first ever floto with him from the PDS and tagged him in it, then quickly tagged Nuno in a floto in the same album so it would be less obvious I was just trying to get Maktav to creep on me again. You know what happened? Nuno commented on the floto with him. Maktav? Nothing. In fact, he went offline for about an hour after I tagged him, but then he showed up again and stayed online the whole rest of the day.
Whoops sorry I went off again. I'm just kind of depressed about this situation. Obviously.
Anyway. So it was Sunday, I was at the hotel and Maktav was in a van.
A minute later Flo came out and went straight toward the van, burying himself into the crowd. He stopped to take a couple Flotos so I had this weird moment where I was like OMG I NEED TO GO TO FLO but at the same time going closer meant risking Maktav seeing me from inside the van so I was like ahhhhhh OKAY IT'S WORTH IT and I sneaked over and got all up in the crowd. Unfortunately Flo was all rushed, but as he was opening the van door he saw me and we smiled at each other, and once he was buckled in we smiled at each other again, so phew! At least he knows I love him. I do, though. I love you, Florent Mothe. Never ever get hurt or let anything bad happen to you ever because it will rip my soul out of my chest.
Mikele came out too, makeup-free and all NO I'M LATE! and threw himself into the van and away it went.
We waited with Cosplay Cassandre and her tiny friend for Nuno, and when he came into the hotel lobby and saw that she was waiting for him I saw a look of disgust cross his face. But once he was out the door he was totally cordial and bisous'd her but told her he was super late for the show. Yet when he saw me and Joanna he stopped and asked if Joanna wanted him to sign the picture in her hand.
It was pretty magnificent: it was a picture Joanna had taken during the show of the Emperor and Monsieur Stephanie, but when she'd given it to Jean Michel to autograph he had signed it "Fridolin." This is hilarious because 1. the man's name is Jean Michel and 2. it was a picture of the emperor, not Fridolin!! So I joked that she should ask Nuno to sign it Joseph Lange since it was a picture of Stephanie. And that's exactly what she asked him to do, and that's exactly what he did. It was awesome.
And that was it. I did not go back to the Zoono but instead installed myself at a McDonalds at Part Dieu and used their free wifi while simultaneously losing consciousness every few minutes due to my acute exhaustion. Then once the wifi there gave out I dragged myself over to the train station and just sat there staring at the wall for a few hours. I saw the two gamines come by but I did NOT feel like making complete sentences so I moved to another waiting area on the other side of the station. I slept all the way back on the train, dragged myself back to the house, and collapsed.
I have done nothing but knit and sulk since my return... I know, it's pathetic. I should really focus on all the people in the Troupe who know my name or this reported doll move or Ariane's precious reaction but I cannot move past this Maktav thing.
We're going to Rennes Saturday. I've already finished two dolls and hope to whip out a third maybe. We'll see what happens.
But seriously, third party types... did I do something wrong here? Did I overstep the fan boundaries or something?
I wish I understood
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good...
lol okay.
So as you may have heard, Patrice Maktav broke my heart in Lyon. And then a few hours later he stomped on it. He honestly does not know or understand what he has done, but that does not change my melancholy.
But a lot of really good things happened too, and some of them are entirely thanks to Maktav! So I will not give up on you, Patrice Maktav. I will simply... I guess I'll just... gah I don't know. I'm just gonna have to see what happens in Rennes. I have not really changed my behaviour since Strasbourg, which was when I fell in love with him, and I have definitely not changed my behaviour since Dijon when he was banging on a bus window to wave at me, so I don't know what's gone wrong between us.
Here follows my CR of Lyon.
The best part was when Flo got jealous.
So I arrived in Lyon pretty early and I illegally hopped a tram like a BAMF to get to our hotel, which I couldn't find for forever. I finally got checked in and was told that wifi only works on the ground floor, so I laid down across the bed and fell asleep for like a billion hours instead of doing tourist things. By the time I got myself pulled together it was getting kind near showtime, so I forwent my fake lashes for the first time in a long time (too sleeepyyyyy) and bought a transportation pass so I could be legal and I took a combination of trams and métros over to the basic neighbourhood of the Halle Tony Garnier. Unfortunately I got turned around and some shop guy didn't even know where the thing was so I had to get directions from this random urchin but finally I saw a familiar fence and then a crowd of girls and I realised I had arrived at the legendary Zoono.
Okay, lemme 'splain. The day I met Lara and Joanna they were showing me their old pictures from stagedooring on the tour last year, and they had met in Lyon. There is a big massive fence and the actors poke their heads through the bars to take pictures with you. I found this HILARIOUS and compared it to a Mozart zoo several times. Then in the picture with Nuno I went IT LOOKS LIKE A ZOONO and ever since I have referred to that fence as the Zoono and, for some reason, it has become like a sacred Mozartienne touchstone to me. I was like, I am not a real fan unless I have seen the Zoono. And when I was standing at that fence, I was somehow more excited to be at the famous Zoono than I was, like, the first time I went into the Louvre. My level of joy was comparable to the delight I felt when we were in the Victor Hugo museum. It was silly and intense.
Anyway, Merwan was already at the Zoono, so I installed myself at the end of the line. I did not yet know the hotel and was hoping Mr Maktav would fill me in on that one, so when Merwan came by I decided to speak English to him.
It went like this. I wil italicise the parts that were in French because lol Merwan was not playing English with me.
Merwan? Will you tell Patrice the American is here?
Oh, it's you!
Yes! And I have a doll for Matthias but I left it in my hotel because I didn't know if... if he was gonna come by. So I'll give it to him tomorrow in front of your hotel.
In front of which hotel?
Yours. You know.
Oh! You know the name of the hotel?
No...
Ah, it's... it's... *looks around at all the other fans* it's pretty far from here.
Uh. Okay.
Do you have a ticket for the show tonight?
No, it's too expensive.
Oh! Well. Well, it's sold out.
Okay...
So you want me to tell Matthias to come out here?
NO. PATRICE.
Ah! Okay!
It was like that. One I am super excited that Merwan was about to tell me the hotel because I didn't know we were tight like that and two uhh what was that about the show being sold out? I don't even know.
SO MUCH DENIM
IT IS ACTUALLY KIND OF REVOLTING
Anyway guess what. Merwan is a LIAR and he did not send me Patrice. I knew I should never trust the evil clown. But while I was waiting I struck up a conversation with the girls next to me. I wasn't feeling very good (already sleep-deprived, smart) so they offered to help me scream Patrice's name. They were sweet.
Oh and I guess I haven't yet explained the location of the Zoono. You see, the Halle Tony Garnier is apparently two buildings, one of which is the stage and the other of which is the dressing rooms, and there's a parking lot in between. Uh... huh. And the Zoono is off to the side of the parking lot, so fans can hang on the bars and watch the actors coming and going in various stages of undress. It's awesome.
Here is Albert Cohen in the parking lot.
There was one glorious moment where Solal in full-on Leopold gear came up to the Zoono to say something to someone and I ran over like CAN WE TAKE A PICTURE in English because I thought maybe he would go Oh it's you! like Merwan had but instead he just went A pikcherrr, sure! in a way that was clearly intended to mock me.
FINE SOLAL BE LIKE THAT
He was also concerned about all the bars but I was like IT DOESN'T MATTER THIS IS THE ZOONO AND THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT
I LOVE THE ZOONO
I saw Patrice passing through the parking lot in those gold breeches from Penser l'Impossible and a big flowy white shirt and a little cap over his hair for wig purposes. Me and the sisters went Patriiiiiiiiiiiiiiice but he did not pause. He was in the distance, you see.
And that was kind of how it went. I stayed out there through the whole show, loving watching the Troupe pass in their costumes, yelling PATRIIIIICE whenever appropriate, and re-enacting scenes from the show to amuse the French fans.
The whole Zoono was covered in graffiti like this. I loved it.
Notable moments included Flo passing for the first time and waving when one of the sisters screamed for him, which made her burst into tears. O...kay. Guess I shouldn't tell her about how Flo is legally bound to marry me. Except later I did randomly say something pissy about Tamara and how she's so nice but I wish I could hate her and the girl goes Why? and I go Because she's with Flo and whoooops she literally ran off weeping. I felt like the biggest jerk ever. SEE WHAT YOU DID FLO AND TAMARA except I love them both. So I was like, If it makes you feel better, we're in the same bateau because I watched Patrice and that dancer named Bérénice suck each others' faces off for like a really long time in Lille. They were not discreet but since I was not in love with him at the time it was whatevs. And the girl was like No that doesn't quite make me feel better sorry and I'm like LET'S JUST BE FOREVER ALONE TOGETHER
Anyway then the show ended and I saw Patrice get on the bus with everyone else (PATRIIIIIIIIIICE PATRIIIIIIIIIICE nothing) and they all drove off into the night.
GAH FINE.
So I went back to the hotel, found Joanna, admitted that I had no news of the Troupe's hotel except that it was kinda far, and went down to the lobby to use the wifi and be like MAKTAV COME ON and stuff.
Just as I was about to turn in, a fan I recognised from facebook wandered into the lobby too. We started kinda talking and then we ended up chatting and giggling and gossipping until FIVE IN THE MORNING. Not smart of me. Because she returns later in the story, I'll just say that her name was Severine and she was hilarious. I did notice that she was negative--she claimed Flo was her favourite but all she did was insult him, for example--but I was so excited to be speaking French so successfully that I didn't mind. My favourite part was when we started going through the pictures on Bérénice's fanpage and being like OMG THAT IS QUITE A NOSE. I had told her that Patrice and I would have a baby with a giant chin and she replied Well, it's better than the baby he'd make with Bérénice! and we were like LOL MOST UNFORTUNATE BABY EVER. So you see, it was mean-spirited. My other favourite part was when we were talking about how lackluster Flo has been onstage lately (you remember his BORING Victime de ma victoire from Dijon) and I was like It's weird, seems like the last time he was great was in Strasbourg. And she went ...Isn't Strasbourg when you left him for Patrice? and we were both like LOLOL OMG IT'S TRUE FLO IS HEARTBROKEN AND IT'S MY FAULT!
You can see why I enjoyed her company.
Three hours of sleep later, my alarm went off. I dragged myself together and prepared for another day at the Zoono.
This time I brought the dolls.
I asked Diane to fetch me Patrice and she looked a little confused but agreed. Then I asked Yamin to fetch me Patrice and he was like He isn't here yet. And I was like ...? but Joanna said he was joking. I call that LYING. Yamin why are you the most confusing human being on the planet?
And then Flo came by. Oh my poor Flo I am such a douche. When he saw me his whole face lit up into a big gorgeous smile just like it did in Bruxelles and he went 'Heyyy!" I sort of hey'd back and then after a second I just said, "I'm looking for Patrice."
Omg Flo was so startled. He made a huge wtf face and after a second went "O- okay. I will call him." and I just kinda went "Thaaaaanks."
Because the thing is I have professed my love for Flo TO FLO more than once. And like I said in a previous entry, it's not his fault I'm leaving him! Though right now at this instant I just don't know. But at the time I was like FLOLOL I CANNOT BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT
A second later I saw Patrice crossing between the two buildings with Matthias. He was grinning hugely and he patted Matthias on the shoulder and went inside. Matthias came to the fence.
BUT PATRICE NO I WANT TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN GIVING OUT DOLLS
Matthias
He says things like I was so sad not to have one, what you're doing is magnificent, and then... We're going to make a film with your dolls.
WHAT REALLY
And then he sent out Ariane for her one.
Ariane
I think she was in the middle of saying she'd seen the Colloredo doll, because somewhere in the course of that video she says his is "mortelle" and stuff. She's so cute. I love that she said it was trop belle because to me the Ariane doll was just kind of meh. It was so sweet. And then she was like Okay what can I do for you. Do you want-- a picture? Do you want a picture? We'll do a picture.
So we did.
I have one other picture with her from the PDS, and in that one we look like we're besties and a slumber party. Apparently me and Ariane just love each other.
Actually though I've loved her ever since that time at Amnéville when, one hour before showtime, she passed me and Joanna and was like Uhhh which direction is the Galaxie? and we were like It's the giant stadium on top of the hill Ariane. She's so odd but I like her a lot. And she's really grown into the role of Maman Weber.
Anyway. As she was leaving I was like Can you PLEASE tell Patrice to come over here?? and she was like Of course bff! And in she went.
And finally. Finally Patrice came over. He was half-dressed in the gold breeches and the flowy white shirt and the silly white wig-cap thing and I noticed that he was this really cute gangly way of walking like he's taller than he realises he is or something. Also he was limping a bit so maybe that had something to do with it. He came up to me and I was like :D Hiiiiiiiii and he was like :) Heyy and I was like Uhhhhh oh whoops because all the conversation I had prepared was doll-based and I'd already given out the dolls. And everything else went out of my head because HIS EYES ARE SO HUGE I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. So I was like Was it you who sent Matthias over? and he went Yeah and I was like :D THANKS and then I was like Oh uhhhh I sent you a message and he was like Yeah I just saw it and I was like You haven't been on facebook much this week and he was like Nope. And I was like Uhhhh so what's your hotel? and he told me its name and what street it was on which thank GOODNESS Joanna heard because I did not understand any of it. I actually had to stick my whole head through the bars because I could not hear him very well over the screaming fans. I asked him if he knew the hotel in Rennes and he was like Nope.
WHAT A CONVERSATIONALIST. But I already knew this and it was my own dang fault for forgetting that I had Whovian things to say as well.
So then we both stood there for a second and there was no Marjo to propose a new conversation topic, so instead he just started signing things and then he went back inside.
And I was immediately like JOANNAAAAAAAAA HE HAATES MEEEEEEEEEE and she was like No I think he was just trying to think of something to SAY and I was like BUHHHH WELL I WILL BE READY NEXT TIME.
So once the show started me and Joanna went back to our hotel where I changed into a lighter shirt because IT WAS SO HOT OMG and I was already sunburnt as a mofo and then we went to Part Dieu and got some Asian food and came back to the Halle Tony Garnier and the wonderful Zoono just as the show was ending.
By the way, we'd already encountered Cosplay Cassandre who is desperately in love with Nuno (perhaps you remember that I saw her in Dijon as well) and her little friend Kathelyne who is FOURTEEN YEARS OLD.
We went back to the Zoono and a lot of people came by to do autographs...
That's a dancer who I *think* is named Marie. I know all the danseurs like whoa, but when it comes to danseuses I only really know two or three...
I really adore Estelle.
And then I was able to continue my quest for dancer flotos when Nico and Hédi came by!
Omg omg omg omg look at Hédi he is so cute and adorable and shy. DO YOU WANT TO BE MY NEW FAVOURITE HÉDI?? I HAVE AN OPENING RIGHT NOW.
Also if you're wondering like Jacinta was, Hédi is not a tiny tiny midget human but actually I was standing on the ledge that is at the bottom of the Zoono and he was down in the parking lot. When I stood up straight most of the cast was about level with my ribcage.
And then my poor Floflo came back.
Oh Floflo what have I done to you.
The crowd was thick and screamy as it usually is when he's around, so I just stood there and let the fans smoosh me onto the bars and I just smiled passively at him. He smiled back. And then he got his sassy face on.
UH-OH FLO'S GONNA BE SASSY EVERYBODY BUCKLE UP.
I know the Sassy Face. It means that he wants to say something tease-y but he's hesitating because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt any feelings. So he is kind of turned to me but not actually looking at me, instead kind of glancing up at me out of the corner of his eye while he signs autographs. And he's got his lips pursed and stuck out in a little smirk. Can you imagine the Sassy Face? Because that's what it's like.
So I was waiting for it and finally he gets up his nerve and goes, with the most forceful tone ever, "You see?? I got him for you."
Seriously the tone of those words can only be conveyed if I were to go put them in italics and also smirk while reading them. I was a little taken aback but he was keeping his twisted-up little smile on. It actually took me a second to follow because it had been HOURS but finally I realised he meant Patrice!
LOL FLO ARE YOU SERIOUS
So I went "Oh, it was YOU who sent him out?"
And with exactly the same about of sass Flo went "YA."
So I just went "Thaaaanks, you're the best." in the most flippant way ever.
LOL OMG FLO IF YOU AREN'T JEALOUS THEN TELL YOUR FACE AND YOUR TONE
HAHAHA MY LIFE
Whooooooooo anyway.
Marjolaine came out to sign stuff, and Joanna had a picture of Josepha and Da Ponte for her. She'd made Patrice sign it earlier that day, and when Marjo got it she was like OHHH DA PONTE and she drew hearts between the two of them, so I muttered "Nonnn je suis trop jalouse!" and Marjo kind of grinned though she didn't really acknowledge whether or not she recognised me.
And then! Then Laurie came out and was doing autographs, and as she passed me she chirped "Ça va Eh-reen? Ay loff mai doll. Ay loff eet!" and I was like OMFG LAURIE YOU JUST KNEW MY NAME SOMEHOW and I was all :DDDDDD and then she said what Matthias had said, which is that they're doing some kind of movie thing. OMG MOVIE THING!!!! I hope Mas is directing a dolly version of the show where everybody is playing themselves. And I asked Laurie if, since I was going to be sitting at the Zoono through the entire evening show, she could ask Patrice to stop by when he was Da Ponte to take a floto with me. She said she'd ask him.
And then a second later, guess who came back out!
It was clear he was looking for me, so I waved a little and Patrice came straight over. Except he looked like he had something REALLY URGENT to say and he was limping kinda fast. For a second I was worried that some horrible mistake had been made of some kind and he needed it to be corrected at once. But I cannot imagine what kind of mistake this might have been.
Before he started talking he noticed my knitted TARDIS camera case and kind of chuckled and poked it and went "J'adore." and I was like :DDD NERDY FUTURE HUSBAND ILU. But then it was SRS BSNS time again so I leaned in to hear.
His question was Do you know the dancer Bérénice?
Omfg are you freaking kidding me. Yes I do recall the dancer who was attached to the end of your face in Lille Patrice Maktav but since you hadn't been seen with her since then I was trying to convince myself to forget she was an obstacle in my plan to marry you and become a French housewife.
And then he goes She wants a doll.
OH DOES SHE. WELL I WANT HER BOYFRIEND. LET'S WORK OUT A TRADE.
I was a little floored but I awkwardly explained that I'd been thinking about doing smaller dolls for all the dancers--and by the way, this was a goal I set for myself as a no-way-I-could-do-this-but-wouldn't-it-be-surprising-and-great-if-I-could kind of way. So I mentioned my nebulous plan to make the dancers little dolls too and Patrice effing Maktav kind of wrinkled his nose and went ...Smaller?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW
And then he was like Well she really wants a doll. She wants a doll of her in her costume when she's in the crowd of girls at the beginning.
And I was like During Penser l'impossible?
And he goes Yeah that. Okay great.
Trying to hold myself together, I was like Oh um did you talk to Laurie? and he went Yeah... If I come back later it'll be dark. and I was like I do have flash. and he was like Well alright.
And he starts to walk away, but stops for a second to sign autographs.
...
...
...are you kidding me.
And Severine, my buddy who'd been making Bérénice jokes with me the night before, goes Well, what did he want?
And I know I had the biggest shocked face ever when I turned around and went Biatch just told me to make Bérénice a doll! And she was like NO. HE. DID. NOT. And I was like Yeah, it just happened. Holy crap he broke my heart. My heart. Is broken. And she just kind of nodded sympathetically.
Meanwhile Patrice got to where Flo was in the line and pretended to kick Flo in the ankles, which made Flo retaliate by pretending to kick him back, and then they just busted out into a straight-up game of footsie and I was like ARE YOU TWO IN LOVE? DO YOU WANT TO BOTH MARRY ME?
DANSEUSESSSSS I HATE YOU ALL
ALL OF YOU
EVEN THE NICE ONES
GAH
So I looked at the other fans and I was like Okay. I'm trying not to weep hysterically. If he comes and takes a Da Ponte floto with me it will be okay. We'll make it all okay.
So we continued to hang at the Zoono.
We saw a soccer game break out, which was all kinds of excellent.
That's Nuno in the sleeveless white shirt and long pants, J-P Asian in the long blue pants, Valery in the sleeveless white shirt and short pants, Flo behind the car in the brown shirt and shades, Merwan in the denim shirt and long pants.
You see Floflo headbutt the ball around the :58 mark.
Not long after I cut off my camera Flo tried to kick the ball and kind of tripped over it and ended up flailing his arms and spinning around several times with his feet all tangled together. He JUST managed to not fall and all the fans cheered. It was weirdly graceful in an outrageously clumsy way. And a few minutes after that Patrice came out in his wig cap and his half costume and joined in.
Meanwhile Cosplay Cassandre was screaming DESPERATELY for Nuno but he would just wave and keep playing. I have since learned that maybe he does not care for her very much and was specifically not coming to the fence because she was there. Hmm. She started complaining because she had been there since Wednesday and Nuno hadn't come over to talk to her once. AND THEN she was like I've been sleeping on the streets for this!! and everyone went bwahhh?
The child and her fourteen-year-old friend hadn't had enough money for a hotel, so they had legit been sleeping on the streets of Lyon.
Bwahhh?
They actually asked us to come back to our hotel and sleep on the floor that night and Joanna persuaded me to say yes (I am so glad we did. They're sweet girls, albeit QUITE unbalanced.)
And then a huge fight broke out between Cosplay Cassandre and Severine and her friends and I was like GOOD LORD DRAMA so I just returned to staring at the now-empty parking lot. It was getting dark at that point.
The show finally began, and Joanna and I waited with Cosplay Cassandre and this other girl and her little brother. I was still doing my same I LOVE DA PONTE DESPITE THE FACT THAT MAKTAV JUST BROKE MY HEART BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET A DA PONTE FLOTO YEAHHHH IT'S GONNA BE SO GREAT MAYBE I'LL MAKE IT MY AVATAR ON THE OFFICIEL FORUM OH MAN I CANNOT WAIT I WONDER IF HE'LL LET ME TOUCH THE DA PONTE WIG
Aaaaand as you guessed, he stood me up. The show was clearly ending and no one had come up to the fence.
We had to leave to take the métros and trams and such to their hotel.
So I was plopped down on the curb in front of the Troupe's hotel and I was like... well okay, as long as he has an excuse. Any excuse. Maybe Albert Cohen told him not to go near fans in costume. Or maybe he didn't have time. Or even if he just says he forgot! Alright. He'll come explain.
And then the Troupe's bus pulled up. I got to my feet and but didn't go to the front of the crowd.
Sure enough, Maktav gets off the bus, spots me, and hurries over, all urgent again. I was ready. Let's hear it, Patrice Maktav.
He pulled out his phone and shoved it in my face. There was a picture of a dancer on it in her Mascarade costume. IT'S HER, said Patrice Maktav. Do you know her?
...yes. I know her.
Okay, he said. She wants a doll.
And as he was turning to leave he must have seen the expression on my face, because he touched my arm for a second and went "Ça va?" but without waiting for a response he went into the hotel.
...
...are you kidding me
And all the other fans crowded around like, So? Why didn't he come? What did he say? Did he have a reason?
And I burst into tears.
Which made them all start hugging me and going Oh noooo what's wroooong? and that made me cry more.
Please do remember that I'd had three hours of sleep and I was really sunburned at this point before you judge me.
And so I just went and sat on the curb and cried.
A second later Nuno appeared from somewhere, so I pulled myself together and went to ask for a floto since he was in a good mood. When he saw me, Nuno smiled and went "Heyyyy!" and put one hand in the air for what I assumed was a high-five, but then he just kind of clasped my hand for a while and went "Ça va?" Not really Nuno, but you just recognised me for the first time so I do feel somewhat better.
Nunooooo! I have loved him for almost as long as I have loved Mikele and Flo, believe it or not! Yayyy Nuno.
Also check my rad sunburn.
Not long after Nuno went inside I plopped down on the curb again. Inside the hotel all sorts of strange things were happening--for instance, Yamin appeared wearing nothing but a towel and wandered around for a long time. I don't even know.
I realised that I had not seen my favourite Italian in the Troupe (BURRRRN MAS!) and I was like... You know what will make me feel so much better? An awkwardly long hug from Mikelangelo Loconte. So I was determined to wait until that sparkly lil moflo appeared because I knew he would be nice to me.
I have changed SO MUCH since PDS, haven't I? Haha. Well, Mikele loves me now.
And sure enough, he finally appeared! I know now to always approach him from the non-Mèche side when demanding a floto because if you're on the wrong side he will turn his back to you to make sure the Mèche is in the picture, so I went around the outside of the group of girls and burrowed my way in. When Mikele saw me he was all AHH! And he pulled me into a massive hug (yayy!) and started singing American woman!! again. He sang a little bit more but to be honest I don't even know that song. He kissed my cheeks three times and then just held me there with his glorious runny makeup and we posed for a floto that he kind of failed at posing for.
Oh Past Self, sad dumpy girl on the futon who had a hand-drawn poster of Mikele (by Katherine!) surrounded by glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on the ceiling of her dorm room to gaze at every night as she fell asleep, how I wish I could show you this picture.
Also how does he always end up looking so much taller than me in pictures? I PROMISE he are the same height. Maybe it's because I'm so hunched.
And then once he released me Mikele started being all Oh but you know what? I used to go to the same gym as Lenny Kravitz! Yeah, and he signed up for the yoga class but he never paid for it! or something like that and I was like ...hnf? Because there was something really weird about him continuing to talk to me. He yells things to me and he touches me a lot but that's the first time he's ever actually told me a story. Aw my Mikele.
Then I saw a few dancers come out, calling a taxi so they could party it up Lyon-style I guess. One of them was one of the Alexandres with whom I hadn't ever had a picture!! The other two I think were Nico and Hédi again. So I went over and was like ALEXANDRE ON PEUT FAIRE UNE PHOTO and he was like um wtf okay
Now I only lack ONE dancer floto, and that is the other Alexandre, the one who looks like he's seventeen years old.
Anyhow so I waited until Mikele was inside before I finally set off with Joanna and the two gamines for our hotel. I was so tired and so pissed at Patrice that I may have sulked all the way back. And once we got to the hotel and, with a bit of difficulty, smuggled the children upstairs, I brought my laptop down to the lobby and was like WHO WILL LISTEN TO MY STORY OF WOE AND REJECTION. While I was using like ten different websites to complain to like ten different people in two different languages I got a message from Severine, who had stayed behind at the Troupe's hotel in hopes of seeing Flo.
The message said, "G vu patrice et je lui ai di kil viene te voir demain" which is textspeak for "I saw Patrice and I told him to see you tomorrow."
So then I get all AHHH AND WTF because what why what did she say where did she see him omg what's going on no
But finally around 5am I dragged my emotional self upstairs, did my best not to step on the gamines, and got three more hours of sleep.
The next morning at hotel breakfast I saw Severine and demanded further information on this Patrice situation. The woman had GONE INTO THE HOTEL in search of Flo (bad! bad fan!) and she told me she had seen Patrice in there and had told him to talk to me. She said that he had said "Erin ne va pas bien à cause de moi?" and that was the whole story ACCORDING TO SEVERINE. She then told me that Nuno had done an impromptu guitar concert for her and the other fans who had come into the hotel (NUNO YOU SHOULDN'T REWARD THEIR BEHAVIOUR) and Flo had showed up super late and reeking of alcohol. She also was FURIOUS that Flo had dared to put an arm around Tamara even though she, Severine, was standing right there. lol Severine YOU WENT INTO THE MAN'S HOTEL. He has every right to put an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders IN HIS OWN HOTEL, whether he knows you're nearby or not. She was also disgusted that Flo had called Tamara "Na-noo" or something. I hope what really happened was he was so drunk he just got lost on his way to seducing Nuno because that would be awesome.
Before people reading this form an opinion on our Floflo though, bear in mind that Severine is a very negative person and, as I found out later, A LIAR.
Because when we got to the hotel that morning I encountered another fan who was in the Troupe's hotel, this time because she was actually staying there, and she had seen Severine talk to Patrice. In her version of the story, LAURIE WAS THERE. Oh God. In her version of the story, Severine had marched up to Patrice and said Erin is sad and it's your fault, so you have to talk to her tomorrow. And in her version of the story Patrice had been totally shocked and Laurie too, and Laurie had said But why is she sad?? and Severine had just said Talk to her tomorrow.
OH GOD OH GOD
NO
Because what do I say? What do I say when Patrice Maktav comes limping up to me in his hipster shades and his hair all flow-y and amazing and says something weird like Why were you weeping? I can't just pretend I'm not upset because I'm a little too angry to spare his feelings but I don't want him to feel all bad at the same time and I especially don't want to be like Oh nothin' I'm just jealous of your girlfriend.
I mean listen. We have all read my stagedoor stories and we all know that Patrice is socially retarded and tactless. You saw my JEAN-PAUL video where I'm trying to give him a present and he keeps screaming at J-P Asian. THAT WAS HIS GOOD BEHAVIOUR. I was weeping out of exhaustion and disappointment but seriously it was a total overreaction and there is no need to TELL PATRICE MAKTAV about it.
So I was like Oh no. What do I even do about this.
Meanwhile dancers were loading up onto the bus. I kept my distance because I was hoping Patrice would just get on the bus and go on his way and if he was worried about me he could send me a facebook message, but he did not come out with the dancers. Laurie did however, and she waved at me so I grinned back hugely.
I was only at the hotel door that morning because I wanted a Floto. I felt terrible about having abused my Floflo the day before, especially now that Patrice was failing me, and I wanted to have a moment to reaffirm my love for him before I went back home. I wanted to make sure he knew I'm still his fan.
Soon after that Marjolaine came out, and Joanna went forward to ask for a floto or to get another picture signed or somesuch. As soon as she spotted me Marjo went "Je connais ces lunettes de soleil! Ça va, Erin?" and I was like wait does Marjolaine Piémont think my sunglasses are stupid? but more importantly SHE KNOWS MY NAME TOO aaand she recognised me with half my face covered in plastic!
She INSISTED on taking a floto which was really awesome.
And when Joanna approached her she was like, I love how you're always so shy! and Joanna was delighted at having been recognised too. Yayyy Marjo!
So yeah, it's thanks to Patrice that Marjo and Laurie know my name and recognise me so of course I forgive him for breaking my heart.
The bus pulled away, taking with it most of the Troupe.
And then the doors opened and Patrice came out.
My immediate reaction was to turn my head away and swear under my breath. I actually did a lot of swearing this past weekend, and it is not something I do often. Something about being surrounded by French people who for the most part don't know what you're saying AND being exhausted AND being pissed and heartbroken. Anyway I was not very far away, but I was still behind a couple little clumps of fans.
And as soon as he approached them, every single one turned and looked at me.
I shook my head, and when he asked if they had seen me they were all like Hmmm nope?
You guys, he was really concerned. GOOD. He was really troubled when he turned and went back into the hotel, and a moment later he reappeared with his suitcase and he climbed into the Mozart van.
I continued to wait further away so he wouldn't see me. Six hours of sleep in three days--c'est pas bien ça. But it really did help my aching heart wound to see that he did care about me a little bit as a person--enough to be worried about me, anyhow--and not just as a doll-producing knitting machine. Because I think what really hurt was that every other time he was so personable, like worrying when I said I'd fell down or worrying that my hotel might be too far away or whatever, but this time it was just like My girlfriend wants a doll. That was why being treated specially by Mikele (and Nuno!!) made me feel a little bit better the night before. I know it's weird of me to spend all my money (and now all my parents' money yayyy) travelling around France just to see a group of actors who the majority of the world wouldn't recognise as famous, but these people mean SO MUCH to me and I like thinking that I mean something to at least a few of them. And I'm sorry, but was I wrong in thinking that Patrice Maktav really liked me? I mean, what was all that ne sois pas triste car nous avons nos poupées avec nous c'est un peu de toi avec nous bisous stuff or starting a chat with me all "Erin !!!" or even ohh.. j'essayerai d'avoir une place" I mean really. What about when he already knew I had a life-sized TARDIS because he'd stalked my facebook photos or when he said "your a good girl a great person"? WHERE DID THAT GO and why won't he talk to me on facebook anymore? What did I do wrong in Dijon? Because last time I saw him in Dijon he was banging on the bus window to get my attention but ever since then he's all Meh and he didn't answer my message about the hotel and every time I see he's on chat he immediately logs off...
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO OUR LOVE
I WISH I UNDERSTOOD
IT USED TO BE SO NICE IT USED TO BE SO GOOD
Anyway sorry small explosion there.
But I DID NOT START THIS THING WITH PATRICE MAKTAV. HE STARTED THIS. So what did I do to just make it all stop?
I really thought that he was going to at some point send me some kind of Ça va message on facebook, but yesterday while I was knitting I was online all day. And so was he. And he did not send me a message or start a chat or anything. I even went back to my first ever floto with him from the PDS and tagged him in it, then quickly tagged Nuno in a floto in the same album so it would be less obvious I was just trying to get Maktav to creep on me again. You know what happened? Nuno commented on the floto with him. Maktav? Nothing. In fact, he went offline for about an hour after I tagged him, but then he showed up again and stayed online the whole rest of the day.
Whoops sorry I went off again. I'm just kind of depressed about this situation. Obviously.
Anyway. So it was Sunday, I was at the hotel and Maktav was in a van.
A minute later Flo came out and went straight toward the van, burying himself into the crowd. He stopped to take a couple Flotos so I had this weird moment where I was like OMG I NEED TO GO TO FLO but at the same time going closer meant risking Maktav seeing me from inside the van so I was like ahhhhhh OKAY IT'S WORTH IT and I sneaked over and got all up in the crowd. Unfortunately Flo was all rushed, but as he was opening the van door he saw me and we smiled at each other, and once he was buckled in we smiled at each other again, so phew! At least he knows I love him. I do, though. I love you, Florent Mothe. Never ever get hurt or let anything bad happen to you ever because it will rip my soul out of my chest.
Mikele came out too, makeup-free and all NO I'M LATE! and threw himself into the van and away it went.
We waited with Cosplay Cassandre and her tiny friend for Nuno, and when he came into the hotel lobby and saw that she was waiting for him I saw a look of disgust cross his face. But once he was out the door he was totally cordial and bisous'd her but told her he was super late for the show. Yet when he saw me and Joanna he stopped and asked if Joanna wanted him to sign the picture in her hand.
It was pretty magnificent: it was a picture Joanna had taken during the show of the Emperor and Monsieur Stephanie, but when she'd given it to Jean Michel to autograph he had signed it "Fridolin." This is hilarious because 1. the man's name is Jean Michel and 2. it was a picture of the emperor, not Fridolin!! So I joked that she should ask Nuno to sign it Joseph Lange since it was a picture of Stephanie. And that's exactly what she asked him to do, and that's exactly what he did. It was awesome.
And that was it. I did not go back to the Zoono but instead installed myself at a McDonalds at Part Dieu and used their free wifi while simultaneously losing consciousness every few minutes due to my acute exhaustion. Then once the wifi there gave out I dragged myself over to the train station and just sat there staring at the wall for a few hours. I saw the two gamines come by but I did NOT feel like making complete sentences so I moved to another waiting area on the other side of the station. I slept all the way back on the train, dragged myself back to the house, and collapsed.
I have done nothing but knit and sulk since my return... I know, it's pathetic. I should really focus on all the people in the Troupe who know my name or this reported doll move or Ariane's precious reaction but I cannot move past this Maktav thing.
We're going to Rennes Saturday. I've already finished two dolls and hope to whip out a third maybe. We'll see what happens.
But seriously, third party types... did I do something wrong here? Did I overstep the fan boundaries or something?
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Date: 2011-04-15 06:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 08:34 am (UTC)Or I don't know maybe it is all just a fluke of social awkwardness and nothing is wrong at all. I'll have more evidence to back up one side or the other of the story after Rennes I guess. I sure ain't sending Flo in after Patrice this time though because I learned my lesson on that front. .01 seconds of Flo smiling at you is a guaranteed way to be reminded that life is amazing, whereas a conversation with Patrice could go either way...